Bucky Barnes imagines

Forever and Always

A/N: Hello friends! :)  So, as you have noticed from reading my other stories, I tend to write a LOT of angst/sad imagines. And this is one of those imagines XD HOWEVER, I really did like this one! Hope you do too! My hope is to write some more fluffy, happy chapters soon! See you next update!

Italicized words= flashback/letter

-M <3

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Darkness was the only thing that Bucky Barnes knew anymore. He truly thought he had known what that was when Thanos snapped his fingers five years ago, but that did not compare to the pain that consumed him only moments after he returned.

Darkness. The absence of light. That was all that he felt when he realized she was not standing amongst the others. It took one tear-filled look from Steve to know that something was terribly wrong in the brief moment of reunion. Bucky's heart was in disbelief, clinging to hope throughout the entire battle that perhaps she was tucked away somewhere safe. That maybe, just maybe, his phone would ring after everything settled and Y/N would return to him. His light, his everything, would return to him. But that hope was destroyed the moment that Steve sat him down once everything was over and told him she was gone.

Bucky shut his phone off, disappearing entirely from the lives of all those who had survived that fateful day. It hurt too much to be around them, especially Steve. He had heard that the time stones had been returned, and Steve had come back from that trip in one piece.

Part of Bucky believed that Steve should've found his happily ever after back in the 40s. As much as it would hurt him more, it was truly what Captain America deserved after all that happened. But as it would turn out, that was not what Steve Rogers chose to do.

For the third day in a row, Bucky found himself sitting alone in a bar not far from his new apartment, his third glass of whisky dangling between his fingers. It was a small establishment, tucked deep in Queens. He planned to move far away once the time was right, but his grief weighed him down. It was hard to abandon a place that had given Bucky a love that he never believed he deserved.

Footsteps approached the bar, but he did not look up, opting to stare at the remainder of his drink numbly as the hours passed by. A familiar voice, however, ripped his attention away from the glass.

"Took me long enough to find you." Bucky's head snapped to the left, finding Steve sitting next to him on the barstool beside him. He smiled, but the light never reached his eyes. "After two weeks."

"Go away, Steve." Bucky sighed, sipping once more from his glass.

"Do you have any idea how worried we were about you?"

"You mean the U.S. Government? I suppose I do." He let out a humorless laugh, refusing to meet the eyes of the man he trusted most. "I guess going off the radar for this much time could raise some red flags, considering my history."

"Us. Your family. Everyone back at home." Steve's voice grew angry, but Bucky could not bring himself to feel anything but numbness. "You just left without saying anything. We cannot lose anyone else, Bucky."

"You lost me for five years, and you were just fine, Steve." The former Winter Soldier finally fixed his gaze on Steve, anger beginning to bubble at the surface. "I'm sure you could do a lot more than that, now that everyone is here again. It seems that losing people is a familiar thing to you."

Steve looked like he had been slapped in the face, but Bucky frankly could not care any less. It was the truth, or at the very least, how he saw it. Nothing mattered anymore. Nothing could ever matter without her here.