Bucky Barnes imagines

Forgive Me

Request from Tumblr: 

May I ask for a Bucky x reader: When a mission goes sour, the guilt was thrown upon her like a ton of bricks! It had been readers first time in the field, but still a comrade had been hurt due a stupid mistake! She knew that they blamed her, that she was a failure, a matter of no worth or their concern. When the public scolding was done, reader was told to stay in her quarters. After packing all her stuff in her suitcase, and cleaning the room and locking the door, she simply ties the noose , that was gonna solve all the teams problem- her spot in the team would be replaced with someone better. At least that was a comfort- that everyone would be alright, after she was gone. Because no matter how they despised her now, she loved them all with every ounce of her being...

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A/N: As the request above implies, this one is very intense and includes darker themes. Please do not read if you are uncomfortable, and remember to take care of yourself  <3   I will be updating my other series soon, I promise! I just had this request sitting for a while and just finished it last night! See you next update!

-M <3

Side note: Steve is kind of a dick in this, so just be warned lol

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"You never learn, do you?"

A hand grasped my shoulder, and I spun around to find the honorable Steve Rogers seething in anger. His jaw was clenched as he glared down at me. "Why can't you ever think about anyone other than yourself?"

"I wasn't being selfish. I thought I had the shot!" I shoved his hand off of me in a matter of seconds but stood my ground. "It wasn't my fault that I didn't know that there was another sniper above us."

"No? I thought you were all about being the hero." Steve snapped, taking another step closer to me in a way that almost felt threatening. Almost. But I did not dare even blink as the super-soldier invaded my personal space. "Isn't that what all the papers have been saying?"

I tried my hardest not to wince at his words. Truthfully, I had no desire to interact with the press at all. It was just my misfortune for a stray reporter to find me as I was coming back from my morning jog and demand a statement from me. At the time, I found no harm in it. I simply told him that I enjoyed my job and that I loved being able to help people for a living.

They asked a question or two about working with the others, and of course, I tried to answer as honestly as I could. I loved all of them, and this had by far been the best job that I had ever had. At most, I jokingly commented about the hours being intense. But of course, that greasy-haired reporter decided to twist the truth, and the story spread like wildfire.

Now, I was the egocentric bitch who couldn't work well with others. The disconnect from the others happened fast. First, it was Natasha who had stopped replying to my texts. Only days later, Wanda was giving me the cold shoulder and it was all downhill from there. It had been hard to gain their trust at all, and now it was all gone. Despite being on the team for quite a while now, they did not want to hear a single word I had to say.

Well, all of them but one.

And that was, of course, Bucky Barnes. The man who I had married in secret just under a year ago, and the only person in this whole tower to trust a word that came from my mouth. He believed me with no hesitation and tried his hardest to convince the others of the truth. But after those efforts failed, Bucky just tried his hardest to make sure we all could coexist, even if that meant only seeing each other when we needed to leave for a mission.

And god, did it hurt to live this way. It did not feel like living, just merely surviving. I could hardly focus on my work anymore, and after watching my husband's body drop with a bullet lodged in his shoulder only an hour previous, I did not know if I could handle it anymore. I certainly wouldn't if they could not save his life.