Bucky Barnes imagines

Cold, Part 3

A/N: Alright, everyone, time to pull out your tissues! This is the final installment to my mini-series, "Cold". What a ride this story has been lol. Anyway, thank you all for reading and I will see you later for my next update!

-M <3

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Pain was the first thing that I woke up to after that violent fade to darkness. It felt as if my throat was on fire, hot streaks of pain bursting through it at even the slightest movement and touch. But it meant that I was alive, that I survived. And despite the burn in my throat and the ache in my bones, all I could think about after that moment was Bucky.

Voices buzzed around me the moment my eyes opened, and it was a sea of familiar faces and voices that greeted me. Murmurs of how thankful they were that I was okay, gentle squeezes of my hand, and teary-eyed glances from the ones I loved most. I had found a home with these people, Natasha, Tony, Bruce, all of them. But none of those faces belonged to the man I so desperately wanted to see. The man that I loved.

As everyone began to trickle out to give me time to rest, I grabbed Steve's hand, freezing him in his tracks as he looked back at me.

"W-where..." my voice was strained, the fire in my throat growing hotter with my effort.

"Don't talk yet." Steve was quick to interrupt me, pulling a chair to the side of my bed to sit beside me. "The doctors said it would take a few days for the swelling and pain to go down. "

Frustration bubbled in my chest as I huffed in response, wincing at the ache from that movement. I looked at him for a moment in silence, before mouthing "Bucky."

Steve's face shifted from concern to sadness, and it felt as if my heart had stopped in my chest. What had happened after Tony had taken me away?

"He's not doing very well right now." Steve took my hand in his gently, his eyes focused on mine. "We are able to bring him back to us, but Bucky was just... destroyed when he saw what he had done to you. He came home, but he refuses to come out for anything other than the essentials. It's bad."

My heart ached at his words, my thankfulness that Bucky survived being overpowered by the devastation that he was engulfed in. I could not even begin to imagine how much pain he was in, and I was powerless, at this moment, to help him out of it.

Steve squeezed my hand gently, bringing my focus back to him. "Everything is going to be okay, Y/N. It will just take time. I'm sure he will come around when he is ready, and when you are feeling better."

I just nodded, leaning my head back against my pillow, trying my hardest to not cry in front of him. The thought of Bucky drowning in guilt was more painful than any injury that I had ever been inflicted with.

And for those next few days, I was not able to find rest. Even after I was allowed to go back to my room, my dreams were either plagued with nightmares from the events of the days before. The emptiness in his eyes, the coldness of his soul, and the pressure of his hand against my throat were all I remembered from those dreams. Eventually, I chose to not fall asleep, trying my hardest to avoid them.

Days passed by quickly, and I had only seen Bucky in spare moments. The moment he saw me in a room, he immediately turned around and left. Despite reassurances from Steve and the others, my heart still ached each time he did this. Nothing would ever be the same again. And that scared me more than HYDRA ever could.

One evening, I found myself alone in the kitchen, making myself a late-night dinner after everyone else had disappeared into their rooms. The quiet was a stark contrast to the laughter that had previously filled the room, but I chose to embrace it. A moment to myself... and to my peanut butter sandwich.

Footsteps caused my head to snap up, and I watched as Bucky entered the room. His eyes looked startled at the sight of me, but before he could walk away, I quickly began talking. "Share with me?"

After a moment of hesitation, Bucky nodded and came to pick up a slice of the sandwich I had finished making. We ate in silence, and I was content with that. I just wanted to be with him.

"This was delicious." Bucky's voice broke the silence as I threw the paper plate into the trash. I turned around to look at him. "Never realized you had a talent in the kitchen."

"Eh, it doesn't compare to some of my other ones." I let out a small laugh, trying to keep the conversation going. "But I'm glad you liked it."

He gave me a smile and turned to leave. But I quickly spoke again, unwilling to let him disappear again. "We need to talk about what happened."

Bucky stopped in his tracks and looked at me, his eyes filled with pain. "What do we need to talk about?"

"Well, for one, the fact that you have been avoiding me like I have a disease. But beyond that, Steve told me that you were destroyed after... what happened. You carry this guilt that isn't yours, Buck. It's HYDRAs. It is not fair for you to hold this with you."

"Of course, it's my guilt to carry, Y/N." His chuckle was dry as he looked at me. "It was my hands that nearly killed you."

"It wasn't you!" I shook my head as I stepped closer to him. "It is not your fault that this happened. And I refuse to let you believe that it is."

Bucky didn't respond and chose to turn and walk away.

"Don't you dare walk away from me!" My voice was hoarse from the threat of tears and watched as Bucky's body froze in the hallway. He did not turn around. "I will not lose you again."

" And I refuse to lose you." Bucky turned around to face me, walking towards me again. His eyes were a mixture of emotions, his jaw taught as he stopped to glare down at me. "You are in danger every moment that you are with me. And it almost killed you this time. I cannot bear the thought of living in a world without you. And I won't even let that be a possibility again."

"So you think the right way to handle this is to hurt me even further?" Tears began to fall down my face but I ignored them. "It's that easy to let me go, huh?"

"Do not say that." Bucky's voice cracked, and I looked away, unable to fathom the thought of causing him pain. "I can't allow you to live in this cycle of fear. Wondering if I will snap again if HYDRA will come searching for you... it is not fair."

"Who said that I am afraid?" I let out a bitter laugh, looking at him again. All the anger had seeped from his body, replaced with fear and sadness. "I knew what I was getting into when we chose to be together... to love each other. I knew that my life would never be the same, for better or for worse. Don't you remember what I said that night before they took you from me?"

"Y/N..." He shook his head, his eyes watering with unshed tears as he turned to look away. But I refused to let him. I took a step forward, moving my hands to cup his face gently, urging him to look at me.

"I am with you till the end," I emphasized each word, watching as his gaze wearily turned back to me, his tears finally beginning to fall. "I am not going anywhere. And I just pray that you won't either. Because that would hurt more than anything that those monsters made you do to me in that building."

Bucky leaned forward, letting his forehead rest against mine as his body began to tremble in sobs that were pent up for what must have been days. All I could do was hold him, trying my hardest not to break again as he held on to me.

After a few moments, he pulled away, sniffling quietly as he gazed down at me through blurry eyes. "I love you. And I will be here with you, as long as you want me."

"I always will." I let out a small teary laugh before I leaned in and pressed my lips against his, smiling as I felt him pull me closer to him.

These wounds ran deeper than the bruises around my neck and the aching of my body. It would take time for them to heal, but I knew that they would heal, as long as I had Bucky Barnes by my side.

A/N 2: Let me know what you all think! <3