In Love With My Best friend

Shadows

one week later

I'm so confused. All week Josh has been avoiding me and now he's back with Ivy. I walk to my locker and see they're all over it while making out. I roll my eyes and say: "Exuse me!" I yelled as I push them off.

"Oh sorry." Josh says. This pregnancy is making me crazy! I can barely hold my feeling in. Right now I just wanna rip open Josh's shirt and kiss him in every corner of his body and make him do the same to me. But I have to try my hardest to keep quiet.  Ivy gives Josh on last kiss then walks away. While she's walking away she gives me her bitchy smirk.

"So... Have you been avoiding me?" I asked

"No. Not really. I've just been spending time with Ivy. Thats all." He says. I can tell he was lying.

"You haven't said a word to me after that kiss." I said

"There was nothing to say. We were at a vaunerable place then and it was just in the heat of the momment." Josh says. Why does this hurt so much. I was about to cry. Why? I ran away and into the bathroom. Then Sophia came out the stalls.

"Hey. How you doing?" She asked

"Horrible. I just wanna die. But my parents have me going to these threapy sessions that don't even help. I was raped Sophia! Then I got pregnant! Then I found out that the one guy I love doesn't give a fuck about me and my feelings. I just really want to end all of it!" I cried

"Don't think about that. Just calm down. Think of the positives in life instead of the negatives. I know I don't understand anything you're going through but please just don't think that way." Sophia says She's like the only friend I have right now. She then hugs me and then we walk to class together.

after school----

Everyone was dismissed. It seemed like even though the whole school knew I was pregnant, they still pushed and shoved me. Suddenly I heard Nathan calling me. I began to walk faster but he still caught up.

"Ashley. Hey. So can we talk?" Nathan asked

"No." I said. Then he touched my shoulder and I freaked out

"DON'T TOUCH ME!!" I yelled

"Sorry. But I was wondering if maybe I could go with you to the hospital to see the baby and all that." He says

"How do you even know about my appointment?" I asked

"Well I figured you're like 4 months pregnant so your Appointment has to be soon. And I really wanna try and be a better person and be there for you." Nathan says

"No. You can't come to appointments or be there. I'm done with you. I don't want to see you, I don't want to hear you, I don't want to hear of you, I just want you to be out of my life!" I said then I went to my car and drove home.  

at home----  

"Hey honey, how was school?" Mom asked 

"Can I just drop out?" I asked  

"You already know the answer to that. You ready to go to therapy?" Mom asked

"You already know the answer to that. Can we just go clothes shopping instead? I'm getting fat and I need clothes." I said with an attitude

"Nope. Go to therapy first. Then your appointment and then maybe we can go shopping." Mom tells me

"You know Nathan wanted to come to this appointment. with me?" I told her

"What?! What did he says?" She asked with concern

"I don't really remember I had to much of a fucked up day to remember  what anyone said to me." I yelled

"Hey! Just because your pregnant and mad doesn't give you the right to use that language with me! Are we clear?" She yells

"I don't know, are we?" I said then I went upstairs. I saw Madison crying in her room. My big sister instincts kicked in so I entered her room.

"Hey. What's wrong?" I asked

"Everything! I really think I messed up!" She tells me

"What do you mean?" I asked

"I really just don't wanna talk about it. You were right never to trust dad!"

"Madi, What happened?" I asked "Where is dad anyway?" I asked with a little bit of anger.

"Probably somewhere washing his sins away." She cries Then I noticed some bruse marks on her wrisk and neck and legs. I suddenly got a flash of Nathan raping me and the marks he left on me.

"Madison I need you to tell me exactly what happened because I'm jumping to conclusions here!" I panicked 

"Please don't make me say it." She cried. Then I broke down in tears and hugged her "Please help me get through this like you did. Please." She cried. Like I did? I'm still going through it. Josh is the only guy that I let get close to me.

"Oh, honey. I'm still going through it. I haven't moved past that yet. I have a fat belly to remind me every day." I told her

"What if I get pregnant!? I can't have our fathers baby." She cried

"I'm sure he used protection, he's not dumb." I told her. Suddenly I felt butterflies in my stomach."Woah I just got butterflies and that only happens when I'm nervous." I said

"Are you nervous?" She asked

"Not really."I said

"I read somewhere that when the baby kicks it feels like butterflies in your stomach. Maybe the babies kicking. Can I feel?" Madi asked. I nodded my head and she touched my stomach. This was the first sense of happines I had since the night of the prom. Then I started to panick. I don't plan on keeping this baby! I don't wanna feel this way towards this baby, that'll make it complicated for me to give it up! I pushed her hand off.

"Stop. Make it stop! Madi, I don't wanna feel it anymore! Please make it stop!" I yelled Then mom came up.

"What's going on?" Mom asked

"The baby is kicking!, Mom make it stop! I don't wanna feel it anymore." I said

"Ok honey. It's ok for the baby to move. This is pretty early but it's normal. Let the baby move you just have to calm down and wait for it to stop ok?" She said

"Mom, I actually was happy. I had it in mind that this baby was mine." I said

"You don't have to get it adopted. We could keep the baby. And raise it together. No one is pressuring you to get the baby adopted." Mom  says.

"I know... I'm just scared that I'll get attached to the baby and then I wont be able to give her or  him up." I said.

"We're suppose to be at the appointment. Come on let's go before we're too late." Mom says

at the appointment.  (2hrs later) 

 

 The doctor was rubbing the autrosound stick around with concern.

"Is everything ok Doctor?" Mom asked

"I can't seem to hear a heart beat." He says. Then I saw a panic in mom's eyes.

"So what exactly does that mean?" I asked

"I'm afraid you've had a miscarriage. You've lost your baby." He says. My mother starts to cry and hug me, but I just lay there. Still, calm, ok with the fact that I wasn't pregnant anymore. Madison holds my hand and then I put my hand on my stomach. There's no baby anymore All of this gaining weight and crying and the secret keeping and going to therapy all of this was for nothing. If anything I'm mad, not sad.

"Let's just go home." I said. Then she nodded and we went home.