In Love With My Best friend

Where do We Go From Here

one week later---- "The night" 

Ryan has been sugaring me all up so I know that tonight is the night. We went out for dinner, went dancing and now were going home. He's been saying how he's the luckiest man in the world when he's with me and things like that.  I'm extremely nervous. What if I'm not enough for him? What if he's not enough for me?  We arrive at his house and I walk in with no sound of kids running around and no people around. The lights were dim down and there was a trace of rose peddles going upstairs. I smile at him even though it wasn't a real smile, it was still something to make him happy. He did help me recover from my pain so the least I could do is love him.

Flash back:

I entered the mental rehab and instantly got nervous. Shivers went up and down my spine and I had to sit down or else I'd probably faint. I walked to a seat and sat down; breathing in and out. Suddenly some guy come over to me.

"Hey, I'd recognize this personality anywhere." He says

"What? Who are you? What do you want from me? I shouldn't have left my home." I said

"I'm Ryan and this place is a safe place. You can feel free to share when you want but you have to share something once in a while. Would you like me to show you around?" Ryan asked. I looked around for Aunt Lissa and couldn't find her so I nodded my head and he grabbed my hand, leading me to a tour. 

reality---- 

We went upstairs holding hands and the trail of peddles lead to his room with a hole bunch of rose peddles on the bed. I hate cliché's but it's the thought that counts. 

"You didn't have to do all this." I said.

"Of course I did. I love you." He says. Then he kissed me. We found the bed and we continued kissing. I got on top of him. He was unzipping my dress as we kissed an I unbuttoned his shirt. We continued stripping  off our clothes until we were completely naked. That was the only time that we separated our kiss. Then we back to kissing and he rolled on top of me and kissed me while thrusting into me. Is it just me or is he kissing me too much? Let a girl breath. I'm totally not turned any more. We're not even married yet and I don't wanna have sex with him any more. Oh yes he hit my g-spot! Oh wait nope he moved. Well this fun. I guess I'll just have to fake it.

the next day---

What a night that was. He's still asleep? Oh my god when can I go home? Suddenly my phone rings. It was Joshua. Good timing.

on the phone--

Me: Hello?
Joshua: Hey Ash, where are you?
Me: I'm at Ryan's. Why?
Joshua: The twins wanted to talk to you and I wanted to talk to you too.
Me: Ok, you know what I'll be there in like ten minutes.
Joshua: Ok, good. Hey, quick question why are you at Ryan's place?
Me: That's none of your business. 
Joshua: Ohh, I see what happened. Ok just answer this one question, was he better then me? Was he even good? 
Me: I'm hanging up on you. (I hang up) 

I wake up  Ryan and tell him that I have to go and then I caught a cab to my house.

at home---- 

I walked in and every one's starring at me.

"What?" I said.

"Ooo, look kids mommies being bad. She came home in the same dress she had on yesterday. That's a no no. Good thing you both aren't girls." Joshua says

"Oh shut up." I said. "I'm gonna go freshen up." I add. Then I went upstairs to take a shower

ten minutes--- 

I walked out the shower and realized I forgot my towel. Damn it. I put my head out first and saw no one was there. I then grabbed my clothes and used then to cover my body.  I then ran out the bathroom and SMACK! I'm on the floor naked and on top of JOSHUA! .

"OH MY GOD I'M SO SORRY!!! " I shouted as I got up and covered myself.

"Do you just attack random guys after a shower?" He asked

"No. I forgot my towel and I didn't see you." I exclaimed.

"Ok.... Um here." He says giving me a towel.

"Why are you shirtless?" I asked. I couldn't help but get turned on.

"I was bout to go for a swim. But now I'm already wet." He says

"Yea I'm already wet too." I said. Then he looked at me weirdly. "Oh no not like that. I just meant that... You know what I'm gonna go." I said. Then he grabbed my arm, pulled me and kissed me. My towel then fell. I didn't even care any more. I wrapped my hands around his neck and he pushed me into his room. He then layed me on the bed and looked me dead in the eye.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" He asked. I nodded my head and kissed him again.  This is what making love should feel like. It isn't just pleasure, it's love it, gentle, it's sexy, and caring.  I don't want this moment to end.

36 minutes later ----  

"Ashley?" Joshua calls

"Yea?" I answered

"What did we just do?" He asked

"We just had sex. Oh my god! We just had sex! I'm engaged." I said

"Yea.... Ash, I love you so much. I need you to love me back." He says

"I do love you. I just can't be with you. Ryan has been great with me and he is a great guy. I can't break his heart." I said

"It's not fair. I have been with you since kindergarten. He has been with you for a year. I love you. You love me. Yet, you don't love him. Why can't you just follow your heart? I think that the institution you went to made you a person that your not. Or did Ryan do this to you. Do you realize that if you hadn't have gone away we would've been married. You know what, I'm gonna go for a swim and then I'm gonna get drunk." He says. then he walks out.

"Josh, please wait." I said

"What do you want?" He asked

"I want you to understand the position that I am in. I can't choose because either way someone will get hurt." I said. He then nods his head and continues walking out of the room.  Where does that leave us? I then went to my room, put some clothes on and went to sleep. Please help me out here. Who should I choose.