Experiments to chaos

Chapter 22- The brother with answers

Safe and secure: Akutagawa clung tightly onto his mentor as he was embraced with love and affection. The warmth of Dazai's body and his kind, gentle arms, that were wrapped around him, eased his mind, which allowed him to silence the monster's screams once again. Akutagawa gradually stopped shaking and instead nestled further into Dazai's touch with every winking moment in time. Slowly but surely, he was relaxing, pushing the demons away for some temporary peace. By the time he had fully stopped shaking and had calmed down completely, he was head deep in a comforting hug. He was snuggled comfortably in his mentor's neck and felt secure enough to close his eyes, Knowing fully well that the others will look out for him when he himself couldn't. Dazai would always be there for him from now on, and though his mind couldn't comprehend that (especially when he was in this state), his heart certainly did and would make sure to never forget it. He was safe, and what was even better was the fact Akutagawa actually felt safe, something he hadn't felt in a long time. Right here, in Dazai's arms, his heart felt safe and loved; he knew no one would hurt him while he was here. Akutagawa's heart was content with the situation he was in, because it understood he was safe, and hopefully one day in the future his mind would believe it too. For now, he'd just focus on the present and rest peacefully in Dazai's hold. 

Dazai clung tightly onto his subordinate, holding him close to his heart and trying his best to convey his love for his former student. Mountains of care and affection just seeped out of the mentor, making a warm blanket of love for Akutagawa. It was a slow process but the young boy gradually calmed and leant in to his touch. Dazai just waited patiently, providing a pillar of support, and let Akutagawa take his time and relex. Eventually it was clear to all that his former student felt at ease because he stopped shaking and instead nestled deep into his touch. Dazai could feel Akutagawa's steady breathing and regular heartbeat, and his heart let out a little sigh of relief. He was going to be ok; his student was fine now. Through all the pain and worry, Dazai had to try his best to not cry or show his concern, in the fear he'd make Akutagawa's condition worse. However, now that the boy was resting snuggly in his arms, he could let all that fear dissipate away. Akutagawa was going to be alright so he would be too. All he needed was the boy to be fine and everything else would fix itself. All his other fears and worries could just fade away, belong as Akutagawa was ok. It didn't matter what was required to ensure of his subordinate's contentment; whatever it was he'd provide it. Regardless of how tiring a task it may be, whether it was holding him tightly in his arms or chasing others away, he'd still do it because he owed it to Akutagawa. 

Countless hours of endless pain and torture was experienced by Akutagawa because of his brutal teaching methods. And the harsh reality of his teachings, was that all the cruelty wasn't necessary for his student to become strong, not even one bit. It was obvious if he'd been a single bit patient and kind, Akutagawa would've probably grown up to be plenty strong without any of the pain and trauma he has now. Perhaps, if someone like Oda had taken Akutagawa under their wing, he would've grown up safe and better off without him. However, that didn't happen. He was the one who 'saved' Akutagawa so he was the one who had to train him and therefore he was the one who broke him. No matter what excuses he could spout and regardless of Akutagawa's lack of resentment towards him, he was to blame. This was why he had to look out for Akutagawa now and hopefully redeem his past self. He couldn't change his past action but he could choose different one's for the future. After some time in the agency, Dazai had thought through his past and was disgusted by himself and ultimately vowed to change it, and maybe honour Oda's wishes even more. Therefore now, after vowing to look out for Akutagawa, Dazai felt like he had failed his student and in turn Oda. He had blindly left Akutagawa vulnerable to the most despicable man he knew, Mori. 

A vicious snake with manipulative fangs was the type of beast Mori was. He was a cool and calculating boss, who never underestimated his enemy. He had a callous heart and brutal teaching and a revolting love of tormenting the weak. Even if your were particularly strong, he'd find your weak point and pull your strings with it. Dazai knew all too well that Mori wasn't a monster to mess with, having been taught by the beast first hand. It was Mori's cruel methods that got his friend killed and forced him out the Mafia. Mori had hurt him plenty as a young teen so why did he think it was ok to leave a broken and defenseless boy to the mercy of this man. Dazai was the last to see Akutagawa alone in the office with just Higuchi as protection; he could see that Mori was eyeing his subordinate; he could have easily predicted this outcome, yet he headed off to the president's office to get some stupid stuff and abandoned Akutagawa!  He just let Mori hurt his former student...he let Mori hurt his friend. This meant that, though Mori was the cause of his subordinate's pain, he felt as if he was the one he made the order. If he hadn't heard the commotion and came running, Akutagawa surely would've been in an even worse state. The sight of the boy shaking so violently just crushed his heart and he never wanted to see it again. Currently in his arms was a vulnerable friend and he promises to not repeat his mistakes again.