I'd Like to be Somebody Else

Chapter 30

"I need ciggies, take us to a shop with a cash point after you've dropped her off." Liam ordered as we got close to Noel's.

"Okay, it'll cost you extra."

"Yeah, yeah, I know."

I went straight inside our house and called. "Noel, I'm back!" I kept my tone calm, I wasn't going to let him know I was mad at him that easily.

He came straight to the hallway and greeted me with "Where the fuck have you been? What the fuck have you been doing?"

"I've been in hospital, you know I have."

"No, I fucking don't. All I know is you were going to Kenzie's and never friggin' came back."

"But Liam said he'd rang you. You got us the cab home." I felt sick, Liam had manipulated the situation and I believed every word. "I need to sit."

He helped me over to the sofa in the livingroom.

"What cab? What happened?"

I explained the crash and how Liam ended up at my bedside. "I thought you didn't care."

"Did he come back here with you? I'll fucking kill him. Course I'd be there if I'd known, he's a fucking Liar, that lad."

"Forget about it, he was really worried, he probably didn't want you to be the same. He went to get cigarettes, I think."

"Didn't want me to worry? You disappeared for a fucking day, anything could have happened. Rang Kenzie, she had no idea, your phone's off. Haven't stopped worrying, have I?"

I couldn't believe Liam would stoop so low. "I'm sorry, I trusted him when he said he'd told you, I'm an idiot."

"No, you're not. He's a manipulative little cunt. Why'd you think we moved to London?"

...

Liam didn't show up until much later, way longer than it should have taken to buy cigarettes and get back to the house. In fact, I'd called Kenzie and had lunch. Noel was playing his guitar upstairs, probably writing songs.

He strolled in and found me tidying the kitchen.

"Didn't realise the nearest shop was that far away but you had to keep out of the way for a bit, didn't you?" I commented. "I told you before, your lies will catch up on you. Now they have so you can fuck off before Noel realises you're here."

"I only did it for us, so we could be together for a bit without him or anyone getting in the fucking way."

"There is no us Liam. I'm with Noel, I'm living with him and everything. You are one of my best friends, I don't want to be with you." I sighed.

"You told me loads yesterday, you bloody love me, care about me, want to friggin' be with me..."

"I was pumped full of pain relief, probably off my head." I interrupted.

"Still worse lies than what I fucking told. Does nothing we've done mean anything to you? You nearly shagged me again less than a month ago, you kissed me last night. You want me and I'm going to get you to admit it."

"No, you just can't stand to see your brother happy. You're just using me to hurt him and I'm not doing it anymore."

"I couldn't care less about him, don't even care he took you from me. I fucking love you, always have. Don't care if I can't have you to myself, I still want you and I always will. I'd friggin' do anything for you and you just don't get that."

"What you can do for me is go back to Manchester and I'll see you before you leave for Japan."

"You're not coming to Japan? Why?"

"I can't go hobbling around Japan. Even if I hadn't had the accident, I can't have the time off work."

"Then quit, it's a shite bar anyway." he shrugged.

"No, if I quit all I've got is association with you lot and I don't want that. I love you all for looking after me all this time but I need to be independent as well."

"You are way more than that. Join the fucking tour management, you'll have a job and an excuse to tour with us whenever you want."

"Except then I'd have to deal with all of your arguments, all your falling out, getting deported and all that shit. I don't want to do that professionally, no way."

"It's not fucking like that most of the time. Guigsy and Bonehead are our best mates, they sort us out, don't they? Me and Noel are brothers, it's how it works, it doesn't mean anything. Most of it's for the headlines."

"You two need to learn to walk away and actually come back later and make up. Forget about me. Go find a nice bird who won't cheat on you, never thinks they'd be better with someone else and loves you for who you are.

"Thats you, I don't give a shit if you cheated or anything. No one's bloody perfect, are they? Well... I am but someone has to be, don't they?"

I smiled and shook my head at him. "Must be such a burden for you. It was so difficult trying not to fall for his charm.

He took my hand and held my arm like we were about to dance. "I'm not asking you to break up with Noel. I know you want both of us. I can't promise I'd never fucking cheat so I'm not asking you to either. Tell me honestly, you don't want this and I'll try to move on."

"I can't, I just can't face the idea of being alone. I can't chose between you, I can't commit to one of you. I'm a mess, I know."

"No, you're not. How could you not fall for us gorgeous lads?"

...

After an argument with Noel, he ended up staying the night because he couldn't be bothered to travel back to his.

"Has she told you she's not coming to Japan" Liam ratted me out as we watched tv after dinner.

"No, but I had an idea she might not be when she turned up with broken bones. We're in Germany on the 8th, there's no way she'll be able to travel by then."

"I've got work, if I could join you later in the tour I would. I'll just see you when you get back for Christmas. Kenzie's after a proper family Christmas with Kate and everyone, it'll be great."

"Do we have to buy presents?" Liam asked, sounding unimpressed.

"Probably, yeah. You know if you mess it up you'll get the wrath of a pregnant Kenzie, no one wants to see that."

"None of us are going to have our girlfriends with us for ages. This tour is going to be just great." Noel commented sarcastically.

I guessed he mostly meant that Tony would end up missing his girls and letting it get him down again. I tried not to think about all the opportunities they would have to sleep around with whoever they wanted while I was stuck in London, on my own.

Author Note- Woo 30 chapters 48556 words

I'm back at university tomorrow so I'm banning myself from wattpad/ writing until the 11th of May

Huge thanks to all of you reading this that's made it this far, I promise I'll be back and writing more chapters soon - there's bits of 4 future chapters written atm

It's 1 thousand days since my brother Buster died so this chapter is for him.