I'd Like to be Somebody Else

Chapter 53

Peggy had made a sunday dinner with Yorkshire puddings and everything for her sons' home coming. "Come and get your tea, you three." she called.

"Mam, you are the best." Liam said as we sat around the table.

"Well I don't think you lot eat right when you're gone. I know this one fecking doesn't." she said, pointing to me.

She'd naturally taken quite a lot of concern over my diet now I was carrying her grandchild. I didn't think I ate too badly.

"The midwives will be having a go at you again." Noel commented between mouthfuls. "You've got another scan coming up."

"Can't you go without me?" I asked making a sad face. "And they was only a ultrasound operator, the midwife from the class liked me."

"They won't find the baby in my belly, will they? There's nothing interesting to see in there." he answered. "It's just a scan, you're going."

Liam huffed. "Can we fucking not talk, baby, baby, fucking baby for a minute?"

"What's the matter with you?" Peggy asked and threw him a glare.

"It's all she goes on about, it's all he goes on about. Everyone's obsessed." he pointed out. "It's like the whole entire fucking universe revolves around this friggin' baby... Baby Jesus got less attention."

"You do realise you don't have to fucking be here, don't you? Noel told him nastily. "In fact, why don't you fuck off to your own house? Selfish prick."

They'd spent a whole month together on tour, they were long overdue to spend time apart but I wished they could enjoy things like this family meal without fighting.

"Noel! Stop it!" Me and Peggy scolded in unison.

We fell into silence and finished the meal.

...

I sat on Noel's bed while he watched TV with his Mum after Liam had left. My mind flicked to one thing. I searched Noel's sock drawer, finding what I wanted, hidden in an old sock.

I knew I shouldn't, I really, really shouldn't but still I let the powder run from the packet. Just a tiny bit won't hurt, just for a quick kick, Noel's still doing it all the time I rationalised. I fashioned it into a line with my finger ready to snort. I felt physically nervous to be doing it again.

I hadn't touched the stuff since Noel's birthday. I'd been so lucky not to get withdrawal, or I just attributed the withdrawal to baby symptoms, fatigue, increased appetite, the bad moods and the weird, vivid dreams, that's just pregnancy.

I heard someone coming up the stairs. I didn't know what to do other than to hope they weren't heading for this room. I couldn't hide the powder and I couldn't snort it that fast. My heart fluttered and beated fast.

The door swung open and Noel leant against the door frame. "What you doing up here on your own?" he asked. "Thought you'd missed me."

He hadn't noticed and I had to stop him from noticing. "I have." I took his hand and tried to lead him away.

"What's that?" he asked, pulling away from me. "Have you been in my stash? How many times since you've been pregnant, Stacy? D'you know how stupid...? How much damage you're doing to our baby?" he questioned, not letting me get a word in.

I took his hand again and looked into his eyes. "Never, I've never done it and I won't."

"You think you're so good at lying, you're not..."