thirty-five - "the right light"

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𝐆𝐎𝐃'𝐒 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓𝐑𝐘𝐃𝐀𝐑𝐘𝐋 𝐃𝐈𝐗𝐎𝐍
❝ the right light ❞

Madeline Walsh decided early in life that she never wanted to have kids

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Madeline Walsh decided early in life that she never wanted to have kids. Not because she didn't like them; her profession and love for her godson being proof of that. It wasn't even because kids didn't like her. She babysat all throughout her late childhood and early teenage years, loving every minute of it.

It was because Madeline was scared. She was scared to have kids because she didn't want to end up like her mother, angry and neglectful. Nor did she want her children to end up like her, ashamed and distrustful.

No, she didn't want that for her children. She wanted them to feel safe and comforted by her presence, not jumpy and scared. She didn't want them to be worried about sudden outbursts or have to pick up the slack when she gave up. No, she didn't want that; but there was a part of her that knew she would never be able to fully trust herself not to repeat cycles, not to slam her hands on tables as a warning or hold things above their heads as leverage. She had been compared to her mother her entire life, right down to the moles that dotted her skin. She was her mother's clone, so what made her think that it had stopped just at appearances.

It took everything in her not to yell at Carl. She didn't want him to think she was angry or that she was anything more than just worried and scared. She watched as he walked in front of her, how he kept looking over his shoulder. She knew that look, that pattern of movement too well that it chilled her.

"What are you gonna do with him?" Daryl asked, falling in step beside her.

"I'll talk to him." She tried to reassure him, but mostly she was trying to reassure herself.

"That's it?" Daryl asked.

"He didn't mean any harm, he just wanted to help." Madeline countered.

"He could have gotten seriously hurt. Ambushed or bit. Hell, I could have shot him, Maddie." Daryl whispered to her. "You can't just sweep this under the rug. He needs to know he can't just wander around."

"I'll talk to him." She repeated, stopping at the doors leading into the cell block. Carl unlocked it for them, his eyes meeting hers briefly before he dropped his head in shame. They all four walked into the common area. It looked like the other part of the group hadn't gotten back from the cafeteria yet, which she was thankful for. "Carl, why don't you take these on in to Carol, tell her I'll be there in a minute." The boy nodded, grabbing the packs from Madeline and Daryl before quickly disappearing into the other room.

She leaned up against one of the tables, propping her gun against the chair beside her. Axel leaned against the wall furthest from the cells, keeping his distance from the rest of the group. Daryl took a step closer to her, stepping so close to her that his legs brushed up against her knees.

𝐆𝐎𝐃'𝐒 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓𝐑𝐘 - 𝐃𝐀𝐑𝐘𝐋 𝐃𝐈𝐗𝐎𝐍Where stories live. Discover now