𝐆𝐎𝐃'𝐒 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓𝐑𝐘 - 𝐃𝐀𝐑𝐘𝐋 𝐃𝐈𝐗𝐎𝐍

fourteen - "if god is still here"

𝐆𝐎𝐃'𝐒 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓𝐑𝐘 — 𝐃𝐀𝐑𝐘𝐋 𝐃𝐈𝐗𝐎𝐍
❝ if god is still here ❞

"You're splittin' us up. You sure?" Daryl questioned, his words drawing her out of the daze she had drifted into while Shane and Rick whispered to each other. She didn't understand heading back to the highway, since as far as she was aware, Sophia still hadn't been found.

"Yeah, we'll catch up with you," Shane replied his tone final.

"I want to stay too." Carl's small voice chimed through the brief silence. "I'm her friend!" He insisted when he saw his father's face. Lori shook her head at Rick silently, no doubt uncomfortable with the idea of her son away from her.

"I don't know—" The boy's father began, but Madeline cut him off.

"I'll come with too, just to make sure the rascal stays in line," She smirked, nudging the boy's shoulder. Lori took a moment to think it through before finally nodding. Carl smiled, nuzzling into Madeline's side as his mother remarked on how big he was getting. The group said their brief goodbyes. Madeline grabbed her throwing knives from Glenn, who had offered to sharpen them for the girl while they resided in the Church.

"You got a gun?" Daryl asked the woman, who shook her head. He cleared his throat, reaching into his waistband and pulling out a small pistol, attempting to hand it to the girl.

Madeline shook her head, pushing the weapon away, "I got my knives. You might need it, plus I got Carl." He nodded, rolling his eyes at her joke. "Stay safe, yeah?"

"I could say the same to you." He huffed.

"Got it," She chuckled. "Could you tell Issac and Emily that I'll be back soon? I gotta check in on T as soon as possible."

"Yeah, yeah." Madeline turned on her heel, walking back towards the two older men and Carl. The four of them watched as the rest of the group left, disappearing into the trees.

"Give me a minute?" Rick asked, jogging back into the church. Shane sighed, taking a seat on the steps, Carl the following suit. Madeline hummed quietly to herself, slightly nervous about this endeavor. She knew that it was only a matter of time until the group got restless — or worse, they run into another one of those herds.

While she was deep in thought Shane watched her, taking in her hardened appearance. Though he knew it was best to leave, for his best friend's sake, he couldn't bare the idea of leaving his little sister. Although the two never saw eye to eye, and continue to clash, she was his flesh and blood. He could see how this world changed her, forcing her into roles she never saw herself fulfilling. Issac too was changing, though Shane knew he would understand. He would forgive both him and Andrea eventually, but Madeline would just blame herself.

She always did.

"Do you think Dad is still out there?" Shane asked his sister, watching as her pacing and humming came to an abrupt halt. She looked at him, processing what he had said before wrinkling her nose.

"A part of me wants him and Cat to still be at the house, working the land and tending to the horses. Cat still making those amazing waffles. Yogi still chasing the chickens every morning." Madeline chuckled, reminiscing on those good moments. They seemed so long ago now, so distant.

From inside the church, Rick's voice carried from the pew he was sat on. His begs for protection and a chance ringing in her ears. He had asked for a chance before. The answer was fire nipping at their heels. She turned to her brother, who was watching her with wide eyes. Carl plucked at the weeds that had grown in between the cracks.

"But then I think of Dad's bad back and Cat's inability to squish a bug. I think of how hard the constant moving would be for them. I think of the insulin Cat needs to take to even survive. I think that if God is still here, and that if he hasn't abandoned us yet, he wouldn't put them through this type of pain. He would be good and take them with him before he goes." She knew that what she was saying was horrible: wishing death upon her own family.

But like Jenner had said: wouldn't it be kinder? Kinder to just let them go than to keep holding on until eventually, you lose them anyway?

She could hear Rick's steps drawing closer and so she forced her eyes to stray from her brothers, wiping at the tears that had gathered in them. Rick emerged from the church, ruffling his son's mop of hair.

"Get what you needed?" Shane asked, standing from his seat on the stairs.

"Guess I'll find out," Rick answered, walking past the three of them. Madeline grabbed Carl's hand, swinging it back and forth as they followed the men into the trees, once again beginning their desperate search for Sophia.

─────

Daryl Dixon didn't like people occupying his mind. He had much better things to think and worry about than some brawd with a savior complex.

He led the smaller group back towards the highway, his fingers twitching against the trigger of his weapon. The survivors behind him were quiet, save for their heavy breathing and Andrea's huffs of anger. He had noticed her aggrieved demeanor as soon as he even thought about giving Lori his spare. He hadn't thought anything of it, merely thinking that if she was going to lag behind she might as well have a weapon to defend herself and the rear of the group.

"So this is it?" Carol's exhausted voice broke through the silence, "This the whole plan?"

Daryl sighed, pushing through the clouded thoughts preoccupying his mind to deal with the grieving mother. "I guess the plan is to whittle us down into smaller and smaller groups."

"Carrying knives and pointy sticks," Andrea added, receiving a roll of the eyes in response from the Dixon. "I see you have a gun." She directed towards Lori, who looked at her with nothing but annoyance and anger in her eyes.

Daryl shifted from foot to foot, entirely not in the mood to break up a catfight.

"Why, you want it?" Lori pushed the gun towards the other women, holding it out for her to grab, saying "Here, take it. I'm sick of the looks you're giving me."

Andrea grabbed it, mouth having fallen open from Lori's anger. "All of you." The mother continued, sitting down on the same log Carol had collapsed onto. Lori continued, lamenting to the group about the trials and tribulations of the Grimes' family. "I couldn't imagine what you're going through, and I would do anything to stop it, but you have got to stop blaming Rick and Madeline. It is in your face every time you look at them."

"Ya'll look to Rick and then you blame him when he's not perfect. Madeline too. I didn't see anyone else chase after Sophia, and I don't think anyone could make any better decisions than they have." There was a tense moment of silence, the group looking at one another as Lori huffed and took a swig of her water. Andrea sighed, stepping forward and held the gun out to the mother to reclaim.

"We should keep moving." Daryl didn't hesitate to continue, putting an extra bit of distance between him and the group.

As they settled back into their pace, Glenn, and Lori chatting quietly amongst themselves, Daryl's thoughts once again began to drift to the Walsh girl.

Lori had been right: no one else would have run into the woods the way Madeline had. She had done so without thought, without thinking it through. It was insanely stupid of her, running into the woods without anything to protect herself beside her dinky little knives. But at the same time, he liked to think he would have done the same, given the chance.

No kid deserves to be lost, alone, and afraid.

The Dixon man knew this as good as anyone else, and a part of him suspects that Madeline does as well.

Just as he turns to check on the group, a shot rings through the air, reverberating through his bones and sinking his heart.