An Angel From Hell - Niko Moilanen

This Is Not Love

    And the time passed and after almost half an hour I heard the door of my room opening.

I was under the covers so it seemed like I was sleeping all this time even if i wasn't allowed to because of what happened.

I wouldn't be able to face Joel right now and he would for sure realize that something was off so he would ask more and I really couldn't talk about with someone else now.

Just me and the destroyed feelings that I got from Jake are enough for today.

So I acted like I was asleep when Joel came next to me.

I heard that he kneeled infront of the bed, moved my hair out of my face and fixed my covers.

When I heard the door closing I turned on my back and looked in the ceiling after taking a deep breath.

A breath that I was holding for so long.
A breath that let out so much pain that I had inside.

I couldn't think about something else. The whole time I was trying to find the  reasons why he is cheating to me with Vilma. I tried everything to be the best girlfriend for him, to show him how much i cared and loved him.

I couldn't sleep so I got up and went in my window looking at the view.

It was dark and there were no people in the road. Just the sound of the air and the stars in the huge black sky.

I opened it and inhaled the cold and fresh air that got inside my room.

I held my head with my hand and felt my heart aching.
Two nights ago we were standing here. He was hugging me,  hugging me from behind and he had his head on my shoulder while we were looking again in the sky together.

A beautiful moment that I thought that we both enjoyed. Here and then he placed kisses on my shoulder or neck and I always turned to look at him with a smile on my lips.

I was living the moment and Niko was nowhere to be found in my mind. I was with Jake and in love with him.

It was calm and so quiet. We didn't say a word but it felt like we said so many things.

And all this time he was cheating. If I was him I would die from the guilt and I wouldn't be able to live with it.
I shared 2 kisses with someone else and I felt so bad about what I did and he was with someone else for six months and I didn't have an idea about it or he didn't say me because he says that he still loves me?

That's not love Jake. From what I know all those years this is not love.

I closed the window  since once again I felt tears forming in my eyes.

I went in the bathroom to wash my face and went back in bed. I took my phone in my hands and there was a message from Jake. He really didn't realize that I stayed longer in the call and found out what he was hiding for so long.

Jake
"Good night my love" his love? He keeps calling me his love. It felt so strange after what I heard.

I almost throwed my phone in the bed and hugged my pillow. I closed my eyes and tried to sleep but my phone buzzed again.

I groaned and checked it. I expected a message from Jake but it was the annoying brunnete.

Niko
"I won't stop trying remember this"

Honestly what is he thinking about when he types and sends those messages?

I also didn't reply to him and turned around so I could see the lights on the road from my window.

I really tried so hard to get some sleep but the way I looked the following morning showed how much i failed.

I managed to get some sleep the early hours of the morning. And at 8 am I was already up in the kitchen making me a coffee with no sugar.