An Angel From Hell - Niko Moilanen

Deleting Our Life

   

   "Are you sure that you don't want me to stay?" Joel asked me while he was wearing his shoes.

It's already 11am and he needed to go on the studio not stay all day with me because I got cheated on.

Yea it's hard, yes I'm sad and mad. But I can manage and make it alone for some hours, I really think and hope so.

I just hope that even if he says something about this to the others it won't be when Niko is infront. I don't want him to know or else he will appear in our door again

"I can stay alone Joel, I'm not a child" I smiled to him and he got up and grabbed his jacket.

"Whatever you need call me and I will be here in a matter of minutes" he hugged me and I inhaled his perfume.

"Okay and please do me two favours don't tell anything infront of Niko and please don't answer on Jake's calls"

He really didn't have to talk with him and right now the last thing I cared about was if Jake would get worried. He deserves it, this and even more but I'm not able to hurt him the way he did. I mentally can't

"Deal, but you'll also promise to try to get some sleep"

I just nodded and after some minutes I was all alone in the house.

I took my phone and a mug of tea that I just made and went in my bedroom.

I laid down and opened my laptop and went in the gallery. There were photos of so many years that I obviously didn't want to keep just in my phone because they would end up lost.

Photos of young me with my family. Me the first day at school. Pics with Joel from our teen years when we first met.  Pics from when I studied in Netherlands and met Aleksi and got to know Jake.
So many albums full with pics of Jake himself or pics where we're together.

So many memories and stories behind them. Each pic was hiding a funny, sad, strange but for sure unforgiving story.

I clicked in the first one and there were pics from when we were in Netherlands studying music.
The first pic we ever took.

So young and happy back then. He was kissing my cheek and the smile in my lips was huge. A smile of a teen girl that was so in love with the boy that was next to her.

I looked at me and didn't recognize her, this couldn't be me. Honestly younger me would be so disappointed that we didn't marry but ended up like this. She would be even more disappointed than I am

I took one more look and clicked delete.  
I don't want this pics in my life anymore and unfortunately I can't vanish them away from my memories but if I try maybe something can leave. Only if I try hard or a brainwash could also help

When almost 3 hours passed, pics from 2012 till 2019 were deleted and now I was on the most recent ones.

Picture from our trips, the countries that we visited because of his job. But we did enjoy them at least I did.

So many places, so many things that we lived there again meant nothing to him.  

When I made it to 2020 there were tears all over my faces. I hated this, crying over him again but I can't help it. Not when I'm here deleting our life.

I felt a pain when after deleting a usual pic the moments when he asked me to be his wife came up.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, which seemed like I really needed.

Jake on his knee, and me crying happily because a dream was coming true but after almost a year my biggest nightmare came also true.

Next photo, I was in his arms, his hands  holding my face and our lips connected like they couldn't live apart.