Forelsket

58: Day of Remembering Skylar Kwak

Chaeyeon's POV:

Twenty Second of May, six years after Skylar Unnie left this world. Six years after losing her, this year was the first year I didn't shed a tear for Unnie. Maybe I was tired or maybe my tears are all gone. Maybe I accepted her fate, maybe for the first time ever, I was okay with her being gone. Maybe it was because of the way, Kura-chan held me tightly in her arms, come twelve in the evening. Maybe it was her hand, tracing the side of my face or perhaps her eyes that told me she won't ever leave me or her gentle face telling me it was okay to cry in her arms or perhaps the fact that my long time crush, THE Miyawaki Sakura held me in a hug and reassured me that she'll never leave my side. Yeah, I think it's that fact that she came into my life, right after being hurt by Matsui, right after her J-Idol life fizzled out and was something she no longer needed. I woke up earlier than anyone, three in the morning. I sat at the coffee table, reading some of the articles Skylar Unnie had written in her blog, the one where she documents the three years she spent in South Korea, training for her dreams of becoming an artist. It is where her first impressions of us were written. Particularly the line she wrote for me.

Then there's Chaen, the great dancer Chaen. We met on the summer of 2010, a month after she quit JYP, she loves to dance but couldn't quite sing, so I stroke a deal to teach her how to sing properly and in exchange, she teaches me how to dance, we are dorm mates together with Lexie, my Alexandra who loves teasing the kid that is Chaen. Thus the start of our friendship, Father and Son Friendship, she's just like me, but dances sick. Gosh! You should see her pop off! I'm a big fan of hers, just like our little Minguring was a big fan of Chaen. Minguring is a pretty little kid, she's younger than Chaen, her smiles could break even Chaen's strict resolve, I'd say she's whipped for Minguring, but knowing she lost Yerin and then got cheated on by that dancer Gishmelle, she's not yet ready and besides, My Princess Minguring deserves the best, not Chaen who currently has issues. If I could only convince Chaen to pay more attention to Princess Minguring instead of wasting her time and rejecting our Minguring, all will be well, but alas, it wasn't my place to order Chaen around. I'm not her boss, it's her Uncle who was her boss.

She has that funny sense of humor, evident on her blog posts. I kept her blog active, paying the fees for her blog website and memorializing her account. Her last post was on that fateful day, she was excited to meet Ariana Grande. Skylar Unnie loved to sing mid-serious talks. She sings dramatically lines from Celine Dion, Mariah Carey and the likes. She's a goofball which explains why she is the most beloved unnie of our co-trainees. I cried so much for her loss, but I was inevitably supposed to be okay about it. Just like today, her sixth year anniversary in what supposed to be her heaven, but because I was too mad about her loss, she couldn't move past the line to the gates of heaven. A lone tear escapes my eyes, which was quickly wipe away by Kura-chan. She wipes the lone tear and kisses me on the forehead, it's half past three, too early to talk about the pain I've been experiencing in my drowning from the tidal wave of loss. Her kisses trailed down my face, my eyelids, my cheeks and then finally my lips.

I watched as she closes her eyes once she reached my lips, kissing me reverently and full of love. Her lips beckoning me to kiss her back, she straddles me fully occupying my legs as if I was her own cushioned chair. I let her be as I tried to control my emotions again, I bestowed her back a deeper and hungry kiss. Enough to tell her I'd just take a few more moments in my sadness for my Unnie's loss. I was slowly processing everything, this morning, on my Unnie's sixth death anniversary. They were right about pain and love, the two things that demanded so much from me, over the years and I have let myself drown in them. Yerin was the first to ever leave me with out reason, Yerin who I loved so much for so long, I've been mad about her loss, she was the catalyst of my downfall from this seemingly bottomless pit that was labeled as grief. I am letting go of that one, cause I am already in love with Sakura, she was always my light from that dark period of time I had, she became my obsession, not until last year, the last time I've gone to AKS Theatre, I saw the kiss between her and Matsui-san, I saw how her eyes changed from previous times I've seen her, she held stars in her eyes for Matsui-san. Now, I see the fire in her eyes when she even hears the word Matsui-san, her eyes that told me, she was irrevocably mine.