My Missing Doctor

16. Henrik

"I came to see you. To say hi." I frowned holding my head in my hands as that day played through my head. "Hi!" Anti was standing there right in front of me. Happy as can be just to see me and I... "You didn't say goodbye." The pain in his eyes when I told him I didn't want to say goodbye. He never gave me a chance to explain. I never told him I felt guilty. I never told him how much I cared about him. I just thought, it as best for him. I only seem to make it worse. I made him feel weak and fragile. My attempts to help him pushed him into the violence he was trying to get away from. "YOU PROMISED!" Jack said he was talking about the promise when we were kids. How could he even remember it? I do because... Because the look of pure shock he had when I made it. Just sitting there on the swing frozen in shock as I laughed. "You lied to me." I told him I would never leave him. That he never had to worry about being alone because I was there. I would always be there for him. No matter what happened. No matter how bad it got. I would always help him. "I mean you wouldn't just leave." I was helping him. Helping him by putting some distance between us. Distance away from me. "Goodbye, Doctor." He looked so broken. I tried to yell out to him. I tried to explain but he just left."Have a good life without me."

"Henrik?" I turned to see Dark standing there in the doorway and I frowned. "Do you have a minute to talk?"

"Where Wilford?" He smiled sadly as he made his way over to the bed to sit.

"Sleeping. He's doing a little better now. He's at least calling me Dark again." I nodded humming slightly as I felt grateful that at least he's feeling better. "Henrik..." Dark's eyes fell slightly and I frowned. "I wanted to talk to you about what Sean said." I narrowed my eyes and he kept on staring at the floor. "How long... How long have you and Anti been close?"

"Why does that matter, Dark?" His eyes narrowed and he looked up at me with this serious expression.

"I'm trying to get an understanding of things. I'm the only one who can tell you what might be going on in his head beside him. I deal with this all the tie with Will." I frowned and watched as h ran a hand through his hair. "I want to know how close of a bond you guys had. Sean said you where the only one that ever helped him?"

"I was the only one that ever tried. Before Jameson that is." I sighed as I looked out the window lost in thought. "We've bn friends since... Well, since he was five." His eyes went wide and I frowned. "Every time he would come home with cuts and bruises, I was the one that helped fix him up."

"Did you help with..." I narrowed my eyes and he just smiled sadly.

"If you asking if I helped him when he started to snap, I couldn't really tell you." His eyes darkened as I stared at my hands. "To be honest I never thought about it. I just wanted to be there for him."

"Can I tell you a story?" I shot him this confused look and he laughed. "It's about Will." I nodded and I watched as he laid back staring up at the ceiling. "Did you know that Will and I knew each other before... all of this?" I narrowed my eyes and he laughed again. "Yes, I'm talking about who killed Markiplier. Mark was rageful back then. He still is. He just doesn't let anyone see it. Unlike Anti, I wasn't created from Mark. I was created by him. He created my backstory and everything. That includes my memories." He sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. "We don't have many from before but I know we had a past. Will and I were 'fast friends' as he would say."

"What's this about?" He narrowed his eyes as he looked over at me.

"We were friends for so long that... after his mind started to go he only felt he could trust me." He sighed and looked back up at the ceiling. "He would go on these benders and disappear for god knows how long. He would forget things and start ranting about the inconsistency of reality. I was the only constant h could fall back on. I managed to pull him back to town. I thought I could help him better if I were with him. He was more than happy to stay for a bit. But..." He sighed again and his aura started to branch out. It was almost like the red and blue were trying to hug him. To make him feel better... to console Dark. "Eventually I started noticing things." I frowned seeing how blankly he stared it the ceiling. "He was lashing out all the time. He... He was forgetting every little detail almost as soon as he was reminded. He would shoot the door because he thought he heard a doorbell and it startled him. But worst of all he was having nightmares... and day terrors... all about me." Again the red and blue moved to console him and I frowned. The Red actually looked like a person brushing their hand through his hair as the blue just held tight. "He would scream Damien at random times... or Celine. Or even Mark. He would cry 'it was only an accident'. One time he even flinched as I tried to help him. When I attempted again he... He ran away. I thought I was just making it worse. I was making him remember all the bad shit and... And he wasn't getting better." I narrowed my eyes as he closed his and took a deep and shaky breath. "I thought I was losing my best friend and thought it was all my fault too."

"I know the feeling..." I whispered out and watched him frown.

"I left too, Henrik." My eyes went wide and he frowned. "It wasn't my best time either. I was so lost in the guilt and pain I through myself at making Mark suffer. I just didn't care anymore. I gave up on the idea of looking presentable. I gave up on giving a shit. One time I literally stuffed hot peppers into Mark's mouth just to watch him hurt. It stopped being about food at that point. I just wanted him to feel the pain I was feeling."

"Dark?"

"It was his fault. He created Will like that. He broke the man that I... That I loved. But in all actuality, I was the one that left him standing there. The look on Will's face as he watched me drive off. He was so confused. He waved with a smile think I was coming back but I never did. He tried to call... I ignored them. The messages were always something stupid like groceries... or just shopping in general. He got it in his head that I went shopping and that's where I must have been." He sat himself up and pushed himself against the wall never looking at me once. "He... He would sound almost as if he was crying. I would listen to every single one until..." His voice cracked a bit and the color nearly drained completely from the room. "Until in one, he begged me just to pick up the phone. His voice was shaky. He sounded hoarse and out of it. It broke me so much I heard the dial tone before I realized I pressed call."

"Dark... I don't..."

"He didn't say anything. I knew the phone had picked up. I could hear this buzz in the background but he didn't say anything. We just stood there on the phone in silence until I finally called him to name out. He cried. He begged me to come and get him. Said he didn't know where he was or what happened but it was a mess." I cringed at the use of mess and Dark sighed. "I asked him what kind and his only response to that was the kind you call the cops for."

"Dark what's the point of this?" He looked over at me and i could see the pain in his eyes.

"The point is I pulled away because of his nightmares. But in doing so I pushed him so far he killed so many people. That call... that last call was only the last time during our separation. Every single time he had called before just to try and hear my voice he had killed someone else. I didn't know. I didn't know how being without me hurt him." He growled a little as he stood up. "What does Anti need to do for you to finally see how much you actually help him?"

"This isn't the same thing, Dark. Anti isn't Will and I'm certainly not you." He cracked his neck and sighed walking to the door.

"I pray your right, Henrik. I wouldn't want to add any more bodies to your headcount." He stopped for a second before looking back with this neutral expression. "By the way, Caleb called. You're late for work."