Faded Sun| SunSun

[Chapter 35]

Double upload- Read chapter 34 first.

These past few weeks had been hectic to say the least. Riki barely had time to breath, let alone do anything else. He'd fallen insanely behind on his school work, and was exhausted all of the time. Luckily for him, Yeosang had provided a ton of support, like way more than he could have ever asked for, which meant he wasn't actually failing any of his classes. 

The biggest downside of this debut, was that he didn't get to see Jake that often anymore. He was forced to move to a dorm with all of his members, which wasn't terrible, since he got to share a room with Sunoo. It just wasn't the same without Jake. He missed waking up to the smell of burning pancakes, or hearing the boy complain about the mess he left in the living room.

He missed everything.

Especially Jake.

Riki had been looking forward to this day all week, his first ever day off. Of course he was meant to be practicing, or catching up on his school work, but he had something more important to do. These days off were rare, and if he wanted to make the most of it, he was going to see Jake.

He wasn't sure why he felt anxious approaching Jake's apartment. They call each other every couple days, and text daily. It's not like they never see each other either, the group regularly meets up for meals, and to hang out whenever possible. It could be that this was the first time they would be alone since he debuted; for all he knows, things might have changed.

There was a slight hesitation as he went to knock the door. "Uh just do it Riki." He muttered to himself, banging three times on the wood.

The click of the lock made him gulp, Jake was opening the door.

"Hey," Jake smiled, pulling the younger in for a hug. He could feel him tense at the gesture. "You alright?" He asked, taking a step back to examine the boy.

"Yeah yeah, I'm good." Riki mumbled out, still flustered over the hug. "Can I come in already?" He didn't wait for an answer, heading into the apartment. 

Jake closed the door behind him, wondering why the boy was acting so strange today. He'd been missing his presence lately, so he was happy to be spending time with him this afternoon. He frowned that Riki might not actually want to be here with him, and only came out of pity.

An awkward silence fell on the two. Jake took a seat beside Riki on the coach, but neither boy looked at each other.

"I watched your dance cover of 'Don't call me.' "

"Oh uh really? what did you think."

"It was good."

Riki really wanted the ground to swallow him up. Why the hell was this so awkward?

"How's your studying been?"

"Same as always. Though, I did think for a minute about switching my major."

"Oh, are you going to?"

"No, I decided against it."

Was this even a conversation? He really needed to do something, because this was getting painful.

"Jake."

"Riki."

The boys finally looked at each other.

"You go first." Riki said, and Jake awkwardly hummed.

"I just wanted to say that I know you're busy, so you don't have to come if you don't want to. I really don't mind-" Jake paused, realizing that sounded like he didn't want Riki to visit him. "Obviously I want to spend time with you, but if you'd rather not, then I'll be okay with it."

Riki's eyes widened, as he waved his hands frantically. "No that's not it. I want to spend time with you too, it's just...we haven't been alone for a while." He muttered out the last part, dropping his gaze to the floor.

"You like me, don't you?" Jake gently lifted Riki's head, directing the boy to look at him. Riki was clearly panicking. "Honestly, I've known for a long time, and you don't have to feel embarrassed."

"Well I am embarrassed, I can't believe you know. Did Mi-Sun tell you? Or was it Sunoo?"

"It was Sunghoon."

Riki rolled his eyes without even realizing, openly displaying his jealousy. "You still like him, huh? Is that why he tried to push you onto me?"

Jake furrowed his brows, letting out a scoff. "I'm actually offended that you'd think he would need to do that. Firstly, I'm over Sunghoon, and secondly, I respect him and Sunoo's relationship."

"Sorry." Riki mumbled.

"Whatever." Jake chuckled, he didn't care too much about the jealously, it was expected. However he didn't enjoy the implication that he still liked Sunghoon, no one really understood what he went through to get over the boy. "I'm gonna tell you a story, and this time, I'll say who it's about. It's about me, and it's something I've never talked to anyone about before."

Riki's ears pricked up, as he looked to Jake in curiosity. 

"I fell in love with my best friend, and as you know, it didn't end well. We were ripped apart, I was sent away, and I spent a whole year working my ass off to get back to him. Then, I came back, only to see he fell in love with someone else." Jake's tone was softer, and full of pain. This was still a sensitive topic for him to talk about. "No one comforted me, no one asked me if I was okay, and people still don't. All they care about is whether I'm still in love with him or not. It's never about me, it's about him."

"I don't love him anymore, but I am definitely not over what happened to us." 

A single tear rolled down Jake's cheek. 

He sucked in a breath, wiping the tear away. "I kinda threw myself at guys, to distract myself from what happened. But even long after I got over him, I still found myself affected by it."  

"I shouldn't have questioned if you still like him, I'm sorry." Riki grabbed Jake's hand, holding it tightly in his own. "I guess I just get scared that after all you've been through together, I'll never be able to understand you like he does."

Jake squeezed the boys hand, eyes meeting the younger. He could see the distress it was causing him, but if he ever wanted to understand him, he needed to listen. "Me and Sunghoon are still close, maybe more than a normal pair of ex's would be. We're both extremely scared about losing the people we love, because we've been through that, and it sucks."

"I bet." Riki said, wanting desperately to just pull Jake in for a hug, and make him feel better. He couldn't change what happened three years ago, he could only listen, and learn from what happened.

"I don't think being in a relationship is good for me, at least at the moment. Nor do I think it's good for you. You can completely ignore me if you want, because it's your life, but with everything going on, it might be better to put your focus on other things." 

"Is that a rejection?"

Jake gently shook his head. "Sounds like it, but i'd say it's more like a postponement. Nothing has to change between us, I'll still support you, and see you all the time. There just can't be anything more than friendship."

"At the moment." Riki dejectedly chuckled.

"Yeah, at the moment."

____

Should Yunki end up together in the epilogue? I still can't decide.