Faded Sun| SunSun

[Chapter 21]

[Trigger Warning- Implied Suicidal thoughts/Suicidal thoughts]

He knew Sunoo was going to break up with him, no need to hear him cry about it. Sunghoon buried that paranoia real quick, a nostalgic numbness setting in. People in his life either hurt him, left him, or did both. He should have never expected more from Sunoo.

There was no reason for the boy to be upset, not in that way. They told each other everything, but tonight, Sunoo chose to lie. In his mind, there was only one conclusion. If he was hiding something, something that made him that devastated, it had to be what Sunghoon thought. 

He wasn't the only one who could lie, Sunghoon wasn't helping his mother; he wasn't even at home. He despised liars, but he held no guilt over this misdeed, he already despised himself anyway. 

The night was chilly, a cold breeze sweeping through the town. Sunghoon didn't recall how he ended up here, but the view was nice. It took him back two years, to when he wasn't admiring the view alone. A beacon of light came into his life, and he found himself doing things he swore he'd never do again.

They'd come a long way now, growing together, changing without even realizing. 

One thin edge, one large fall.

Sunoo gave him back everything that was so cruelly snatched away, or at least gave him the courage to take it back himself. His happiness, his safety, his freedom, things he never use to take for granted. He did now.

Unsteady footsteps, body off center.

He could go back to Seoul. Be the second best skater at the university, be a mediocre marketing student, be the person who fights for his relationship. 

No he couldn't. 

If he wasn't strong enough to be the best, have things work out for him, then he didn't deserve it. He didn't have the fight he use to have, because he didn't have the same stakes. Before he'd seen what he could lose, and discovered how it felt to lose it. Yet, he let himself into a loop, repeating what he went through years ago. 

Eyes closed, mind clouded.

Fate constantly wants to play with him, leaving him with no sense of direction. From a kick to the stomach, to a car barreling down the street, he escaped fate, only to be met with more trouble. 

Take control, no more falling through, no more sinking.

He didn't need to close himself off this time, when there was a clear solution to his problem. The people around him got in the way of fate, only now, here on his own, could he control his destiny.

One step, one fall.

No one could leave him, if he left them first. 

One step, one fall.

He wouldn't be the only one with scars anymore. 

One step, one fall.

That craving for control, the desire never went away. It was all a trick, telling himself that he could be happy living like this. A facade, that crumbled away, leaving nothing but the pain he hid behind that weak display. 

He wasn't skating on thin ice, he was the ice.

And that ice was cracking.

Eyes open.

Sunghoon remained emotionless, looking down at the street below him. He heard a voice, one that he hadn't heard in a long time. Just as he thought, it was the person in his mind, though they weren't alone. Someone much more familiar walked by their side, someone who definitely shouldn't have been surrounding themselves with such company.

"Si-Woo and Jungwon?"

Fate had different plans for him, yet again.

____

Cigar smoke doused the room, swirling around half drunk glasses of whiskey, and old men going through midlife crisis. It wasn't somewhere you'd see young people, which is why it made Jungwon so confused. He doubted his decisions, following Si-Woo anywhere was already stupid, but being here, in this musty bar, made it all more clear. 

His fingers played in his lap, as he waited for Si-Woo to return. Examining the room, it was decorated heavily with dark stained wood, exposed rustic joists lining the ceiling, and a strange scent of shoe polish wafted through the air. No one paid any attention to him, but the times when he locked eyes with a stranger, were terrifying. Everyone was so intimidating, Jungwon couldn't help in darting his gaze somewhere else. 

"Sorry about disappearing, I had to talk to my friend over there." Si-Woo said, taking the chair across from Jungwon. 

The man who he was referring to, looked no less scary than anyone else. A jawline so sharp, you'd bleed from just looking at it. Eyes so intense, you'd shiver out of your skin. Was it surprising that Si-Woo was friends with someone like that?

"So, you want to move back, right?" Si-Woo asked, jumping straight into the conversation they were having before he got side tracked.

"Yeah, I think I do."

"Have you talked to your friends about this?"

Jungwon shook his head. "They don't need me in Seoul, it shouldn't be a big issue."

"Any plans for being back then?"

"Nothing yet."

A smile curved Si-Woo's lips, as he let out a small chuckle. "Let me help you."

Those words; weren't what he expected to hear from Si-Woo. Honestly, he never expected to see the male again. Jungwon was hesitant and wary, with good reason to be. He only knew Si-Woo of the past, and that person was awful. He would be an idiot to accept his help so quickly.

It seems Si-Woo picked up on his hesitation. "I was a terrible person back in high school, but I've changed. I put you through some horrible things, let me help you to make up for it."

"What kind of help?" Jungwon questioned, curious to hear the boys offer. 

"I don't know, in anything really. I know people who could get you a job, and I imagine you'll be pretty lonely here without your friends, so I can introduce you to mine."

It sounded genuine, but it didn't prove that Si-Woo had actually changed. He couldn't guarantee that this wasn't some kind of trick, he'd fallen for that before.

"Just give it some thought, I'm here if you need me."

____

Si-Woo's back, might cause some trouble.