Faded Sun| SunSun

[Chapter 30]

Triple upload- read chapter 29 first.

Not a single person who passed by, had any concern for the boy sitting on the pavement. His head dropped between his knees, hiding the tear stains, from all the crying he had done on the walk here. Ten minutes from the previous location, a hot spot known for its night life. He knew he'd be safe here; it was always busy.

Sure he could have walked home, and on a normal day, he would have. Though, considering all of the circumstances, he didn't feel like it was the safest option.

Instead, he waited, ever so patiently.

"Wonnie?"

Big brown orbs peered up at Jay, exposing the boys red, puffy eyes. They didn't know what had happened, but it was clear that something made Jungwon upset.

"Thank you for coming." Jungwon muttered, his voice low and disheartened. Almost like he didn't expect Jay would actually come.

"I'll always come if you need me Wonnie. Now what's happened? It's nearly midnight." Jay questioned, as they helped Jungwon off the ground. The boy looked at them, with clear distress in his eyes, shaking his head as an answer.

Jay swallowed down their questions, deciding to leave them for later. They wanted to wait until Jungwon was comfortable to tell them. 

The slow walk began with silence. Neither spoke as the hustle and bustle was left behind them. Street lamps flickered, shadows danced along the pavements, somehow the silence felt heavier now. Maybe it was the lack of people, not even a car drove by. The houses were draped in darkness, there was only a single light visible from one of the houses. 

"You're going to hate me..."

Jay almost choked in disbelief. "I could never hate you."

"Not even if I went to see Si-Woo?" Jungwon replied, stopping dead in his tracks. He didn't dare look to Jay, keeping his eyes glued to the floor.

How were they meant to take that? From silence, to blatant disrespect. Jungwon knew how Jay felt about him spending time with Si-Woo, yet he still went behind their back, and saw him. Jay didn't understand it, what could Si-Woo give Jungwon, that they couldn't? They felt obvious anger, but more so, offended. 

Words are dangerous, they can do so much damage without you even realizing. Jay knew that if they opened their mouth right now, they would definitely say something they'd regret. 

Taking in a deep breath, Jay continued walking.

Jungwon heard the footsteps, and his heart dropped. He truly believed that Jay was done with him. Why would Jay stick around for someone so worthless anyway? He was lucky to have them in the first place, it was only a matter of time before they left. 

"Come on Wonnie."

Jungwon's heart almost lept out of his chest. His eyes stared at Jay's back, the figure never turning around.

"I'm not leaving you to walk home alone at this time of night."

Jungwon couldn't help but smile at the small glimmer of hope, even if he didn't believe that he deserved it. He ran after Jay, taking place at their side. 

It was another fifteen minutes of walking in silence, until they reached Jungwon's house. The boy was quite surprised to see the hall light on, since his parents were usually working the night shift. He didn't give it much thought, as he assumed they probably just forgot to turn it off.

"I- I um...I'm sorry." Jungwon muttered out. His fingers found their way to the bottom of his hoodie, fidgeting with the hem. "I should have listened to you. I guess I'm just scared to go back to Seoul, so I'm latching onto anything that could keep me here."

"Why are you scared to go back? There's so much for you there." Jay asked, frustration lacing their voice.

"It's- Uh...I-" Jungwon sighed. 

Jay shook their head, pulling Jungwon's hands away from his hoodie. Gently grabbing the boys chin, they lifted his head to look them. "Stop fidgeting, and look at me. I'm not some scary stranger. I'm Jay, the person who loves you, please tell me how you're feeling."

Jungwon gulped, he knew what he wanted to say, but it's the reaction he feared. He'd made Jay so angry recently, he didn't want to keep making them feel like that. Though, they were the one asking for honestly, he couldn't hold back anymore.

"For ever since I could remember, my dream was to be on the stage. Performing is what I love, and I've spent my whole life working towards a goal, I could never actually reach." You could tell this was the only thing he'd been thinking about over these past couple months. "And do you know the worst part? I actually have a back up plan. I was the perfect student, and still am, so I could do anything I set my mind to. Though, it'll never actually be enough for me." 

"I don't have a purpose anymore Jay, that's what I'm scared of." 

It was finally out there, everything Jungwon had been keeping inside. It went way beyond the feeling of failure, it was about ones sense of self. If he wasn't a performer, what was he? Whatever the answer was, wouldn't mean a thing, for he didn't want to be anything else.

Jay didn't respond straight away, leaving Jungwon with uncomfortable silence. He wasn't sure what he wanted to hear from Jay, but he definitely knew it wasn't this.

With no warning, Jungwon felt a hand clasp around his wrist, and his body dragged into the street. Jay dropped his wrist, turning their back to the boy, walking over to the pavement. Jungwon furrowed his brows, extremely confused to what was going on. He just stood there in the middle of the empty street, staring at Jay.

"I want you to perform for me." Jay stated. 

"P-perform? Really? Like right here?" Jungwon questioned, completely overtaken by confusion.

"Yeah, right there." Jay confirmed, crossing their arms. "Come on, I'm waiting."

Jungwon had thought Jay was joking, but now they looked rather serious. Hesitantly, he moved his body into position, taking multiple glances at Jay to check that they weren't just messing with him. 

His chubby cheeks flushed a pink colour, displaying his embarrassment. Jungwon couldn't bring himself to actually perform, shaking his head, and returning to a straight posture. 

"Do I really have to perform?" Jungwon asked once again.

"I want you to."

"But why? This is kinda embarrassing." 

A smile curved the corner of Jays lips, as they couldn't keep their serious front for long. They let out a thin laugh walking over to Jungwon, dragging them back over to the pavement. Placing two hands on the boys shoulders, Jay directed him to look at them. 

"I'm the person who doesn't have any desire to become a professional basketball player, yet, I have a basketball scholarship. I'm also the person who only chose my major, because my best friend had picked the same one."

Jungwon didn't know what any of that had to do with anything, but he kept listening.

"Fuck having a purpose. Lets just live the way we want, and figure everything out later. Okay?"

"...Okay." Jungwon replied hesitantly. "But why did you want me to perform?"

Jay just shrugged, letting out a chuckle. "Maybe I was trying to prove a point." They smiled smugly, as Jungwon cocked his head to the side. "You're upset because you weren't chosen to debut, and now you feel like you can't be a performer. Well, not being an idol, doesn't mean you can't do what you love. I might not be thousands of cheering fans, but if you ever want to perform, just know that I'll always want to watch."