Innocence | Severus Snape x Reader

41 - The Order

I lay in the hospital bed and stared at the ceiling. 

Pomphrey thought it would be best if I had some rest for now. 

She said I was fine, and that I'd live, though it wasn't a confident answer since no one had ever had an injury like this before, except for a boy who didn't even remember it. It still hurt, but after washing it, the wound looked much less grotesque and the cracks stopped glowing green. It would leave a scar though.

Thankfully, it had been wrapped up so I didn't need to look at it. The only complete loss to having this was that I would never have children, she had found. 

That was alright I supposed. 

I heard footsteps enter the room. Turning my head, I saw Severus enter the room and I smiled at him. 

With everything that had happened, he had been unable to visit me, though I did write him a note and have it delivered to him so he knew everything that happened. 

"All the students have gone home." He said to me as he approached my bedside. I sat up, despite his caution, and he sat on the bed beside my feet. 

"Which means it's our turn to soon," I said. 

"How are you feeling?" He asked, feeling my forehead. 

"Well, I'm still not dead, so I'd say I'm alright." I smiled. He gave me a faint one back. 

"I'm so sorry I let this happen to you..." He said, kissing my hand. 

"Don't dwell on it, Sev," I told him. 

We heard another pair of footsteps enter the room. Turning our heads, we found it was Dumbledore. 

"I must be honest, I'm glad to have the three of us in a room for once." Dumbledore said as he approached. "How's it healing?" He asked.

"Quite nicely, sir." I responded, and he nodded.

"I must say, not even I have seen a wound such as that. Never in all my years. Not even Harry's scar looked like it when he recieved it. It's a wonder how your alive." He said.

"I've been asking myself that. Been asking myself a lot of questions about that night, rather." I said, looking to my lap.

"That's actually why I've come to see you, Y/N."

"Oh?"

"You as well, Severus. I think it's time that you tell her." Dumbledore said.

I looked between the two men, very confused, but eager to finally know nonetheless.

"I think it would be easier to show you."

The three of us, slowly, made our way to Dumbledores office.

The Pensieve was removed from the wall and Severus and I stood next to it. Dumbledore stood back.

No one had spoken, and I could se somewhat of a guilty look on Severus' face. He used his wand to take a memory, and drop it into the Pensieve. I put my face into the water, and was able to view the memory. (I'm not explaining this, it's the same memory Harry sees just with moments that havent yet happened removed)

When I had removed my face, I knew everything.

At first I was confused. Why did Severus care for me so much if his soul was devoted to Lilly Potter? Why care for me at all?

Then I had taken the time to internalize everything. The only way I'd know is if I asked Severus himself.

I walked over and sat on the upper step that lead up to Dumbledore's desk, Severus anxiously followed. He did nothing but stare at me.

"Do you still love her?" I asked.

"Yes. But, it's different than the way I love you." Severus said.

"How so?"

"My love for Lilly, cannot grow because she is gone. Its frozen in time, and stored away. Like an old keepsake that you take out and look at for a while, then put it away again because it started to make you feel sad." Severus explained. It was an excellent analogy because I understood it quite well.

"My love for you, is fresh and new. It can and has grown. It's important to me. I can experience it every day."

"So, if that's the case... why do you still protect Potter? And where does your loyalty truly lie?" I asked him. Dumbledore was in the room still, so for Severus to say anything other than what would be the "good" answer would be foolish, but Severus also knew better than to lie.

"I protect Potter for the same reason that you have, Y/N. I've grown to care for him. And my loyalty lies with those who I love, and have loved me."

He was right. I didnt realize how much, especially this past year, I prioritized Potter's safety over mine. Especially at that graveyard.

"I want to help you." I said to Severus. "I want to help." This time it was more generally directed to the both if them.

"Its too dangerous for you to help, at least in the way that Severus is." Dumbledore finally said. "He saw you help Potter in that cemetery, and when he finds out that you survived the killing curse, if he doesnt already know, he will see you as an absolute threat."

"That's why its pivotal for my involvement. If I sit back and do nothing he will kill me, and I refuse to put more people's lives at risk trying to protect both Potter and myself. If I'm going to be a target I might as well be a moving one." I explained.

The both of them seemed to take my words into consideration.

"I couldn't allow myself to live if something were to happen to you, Y/N." Severus said.

"Nothing will happen to me. The moment I'm in, and truly in, I have as much protection i can get. From you, from Dumbledore, and anyone else in the cause."

"She could be extremely helpful to the Order as well, Severus. She's a powerful witch, that's no secret, not even to Voldemort. That's why he kept her alive in that cemetary." Dumbledore said.

"You think he brought me there to form an alliance?"

"To add you to his ranks." Dumbledore walked closer, and say down with Severus and I. "You would be more of an asset to him than a hindrance, much like Severus. But now that he has seen where you have sided, it's too late.

"Then if Severus and I get found out that puts him at risk too."

"And that's why I've been fighting so hard to keep it a secret. I know that youd never agree to become a Death Eater. Even if you did, even under the pretense that it was to help me help the boy, I would never allow it to happen. To be that close to the Dark Lord is dangerous." Severus said.

"I still want to help." I said. "The Order, you mentioned it, what's that?"

"I formed it many years ago back when Voldemort first rose to power. All the alive members have reformed it under my command, as well as new members. It's a good solution for her to help, Severus. She'd be under their watch."

"Its not a terrible idea." Severus turned to me and grabbed my hand. "Are you absolutely sure about this?"

"Yes."

"Then it is decided." Dumbledore spoke.

"If we are to do this, your mind must also be protected from the dark lord. You had premonitions of him long before he was resurrected, which means there may be a connection. I'll need to teach you occlumency." Severus said.