Big Shepherd, Little Shepherd

XLIX

YOUR POV

- y/n : Take it off me. Please

- Carina : Pass it here. Do you want a hug? A tissue?

I don't know what I need. Probably to speak to a therapist or to go to a meeting. I could really do with a meeting. It might help. Then I should go see Amelia, let her know what's happened.

- Carina : Where are you going?

- y/n : To a meeting and then to Amelia's

- Carina : I'll drive and I'll wait outside at your meeting.

- y/n : Thanks

- Carina : Are we bring Isabella home tonight?

- y/n : We?

- Carina : Me and Isabella are friends now. We had a conversation

- y/n : If you're staying the night then sure

If Isabella and Carina are friends there would be no problem with me dating Carina again other then the fact I'm already dating Caitlyn. You see Caitlyn is great but she's not Carina and I'll always love Carina but Caitlyn hasn't hurt me the way Carina has but then people change.

- y/n : You'll wait for me outside right?

- Carina : Yeah

- y/n : Thank you

What do I do? Do I break up with Caitlyn? Do I stay with Caitlyn? Do I follow my head or my heart? Relationships as a parent are hard because I want to set an example for my daughter except I can't when I'm in love with a woman who left me. That's the thing. I love Caitlyn but I'm in love with Carina.

- Carina : Did the meeting help?

- y/n : Meh. The donuts did

- Carina : How many did you eat?

- y/n : Three. Want the one from my pocket?

- Carina : That's gross. No. It's got pocket fluff all over it

- y/n : Still tastes good

- Carina : Are you going to tell Amelia?

- y/n : Mhm

I don't know if I'll tell Amelia. She'll probably figure it out from the puffy eyes from crying and the smell of donuts and cheap coffee on my breath.

- y/n : Amy, where are you?

- Arizona : She's just putting Ryan to bed. Bells is playing MineCraft with AJ

- Carina : I'm going to go see what they're making

- Arizona : How can I help you Y/n?

- y/n : I'm going to wait for Amy

- Arizona : Seriously? I'm your sister-in-law. You can tell me

- y/n : No judgement?

- Arizona : No judgement

- y/n : I almost did weed earlier

No judgement my ass. She's giving me the biggest dirty look you can think of and I know Arizona which means she'll blurt it out to Amelia because Arizona can't lie to her wife. Amelia also just finds it easily to tell when someone is lying.

- Amelia : Hey Y/n. Did you miss Bells that muc-

- Arizona : Y/n did weed

- y/n : Arizona!

- Amelia : Get o-

- y/n : I didn't do weed. I'm sober. I've just gotten back from a meeting. Can't you smell the donuts and shitty coffee?

- Amelia : Explain yourself

- y/n : I was struggling, I was about to spark up a joint and Carina walked in. She took it off me and out it down the garbage disposal

- Amelia : What happened in New York?

I like not being the only black sheep of the family. It kind of defeats the point of a black sheep but it means Amelia knows how I feel because chances are she's been in that situation before me.

- Isabella : Mom!

- y/n : Hey there sweetie. You ready to go home?

- Amelia : Do you need me to stay with you tonight?

- Carina : It's fine, I will

- Amelia : Ohh okay. I see how it is. Night Bells

- Isabella : Night Auntie Amelia. Night Arizona

- Arizona : Night Night

Caitlyn will probably be pissed that my ex has stayed the night but I don't care. Carina is helping me and her and Isabella seem to be getting on really well. Like it's past Bells bedtime and normally she's out by now but instead she's chatting up a storm with Carina.

- y/n : Alright I hate to break up this party but you need to go to bed

- Isabella : Please can I stay up later tonight mom

- y/n : If you weren't going to school tomorrow, yes

- Isabella : Egh. Can Carina put me to bed with you then?

- y/n : What do you say Carina?

- Carina : I say let's get ready for bed

I don't get how Bells wants to stay up, I'm tired and it's like 8:30. I get it, she's a kid who has a lot of energy but common. Sleep is great. Once she's an adult she'll want to sleep.

- Isabella : Night mom. Night Carina

- Carina : Goodnight Bella

- y/n : Goodnight. Sweet dreams

- Isabella : Mom?

- y/n : I love you

- Isabella : I love you too

She doesn't sleep without an 'I love you'. Even if it's over message or phone call, she can't sleep without it.

- Carina : She's amazing

- y/n : Yep. She reminds me of Andrew. Her personality is all Andrew

- Carina : I was just thinking that

- y/n : Thank you for earlier. You really stopped me getting back on a slippery slope. I kept telling myself it'll only be one but one always turns into another

- Carina : It's okay. I'm glad I could help

It's taking everything for me not to just let slip how I feel. The question is, can I let myself go back to her despite all the pain she's caused me?

Authors Notes
I'm writing for another
book as well as this one.
Check it out. It's called
Two Surgeons, One Forever
Have a drink and snack
please