Shut Up, Padfoot!

95

My lip curled in distaste when I saw a completely different appearance in my reflection. I flicked the short black bangs away from my eyebrows and tore my gaze away afterward. I refocused on the creme colored sheets of the hospital bed.

Flashes of me frantically pushing his limp body in the back of Pandora's vehicle reoccurred. Followed by my pleads when his head rolled onto my shoulder to signify the cease of his breathing.

I swallowed heavily and tried to listen to the steady beeps of his heartbeat in whatever this machine is called. His heart rate went up and down, which meant he's okay. For now.

"Don't worry, he's tough, Cr— Sophie," Remus reassured.

Putting on a halfhearted smile, I replied, "It's just— he hasn't woken up, yet. And—" I choked on my words and tried to push through the syllables.

"I'm just frustrated and worried. Mainly worried but... Moony, how did they find us? I swear, we were safe. I did everything, I–I put up protection spells. What did I do—"

"You didn't do anything wrong. We didn't either. They just found us. They were just smarter than us this time," he explained.

Seems like I'm not the only one doubting myself. He wouldn't look at me when he said it. He must be feeling what I'm feeling as well. Moony and I are similar. In fewer ways than we are different. But despite that, we're a lot alike. He and I are people that were born to be protectors. To hold a strong exterior and pretend everything's okay. Okay enough for us to get everyone safe and happy. But one of our differences is that we won't be able to save the other.

James' loud snore from across the room startled me. I peered in the corner and saw Lily under his arm as they both rested. Exhaustion certainly seemed to take their toll on them faster than us.

We need to get Sirius to a witch doctor. We can't afford to stay in this muggle hospital too long. But we're all worn out. I don't want to say it tonight. I feel I'd be taking away one more night they can rest before the sleepless ones we'll be having from here on out.

"Moony, I– I think that... never mind," I began.

"What? You can tell me," he urged.

"No, it's ridiculous. I can't say it," I refused.

"Just say it," he ordered.

I ran a hand through my hair, stopping short at the chin length strands. Nervously, I fingered them to delay my statement. I wasn't going to bring it up but I trust him. He's the only one that I know wouldn't be who I think that did it. Besides Padfoot.

"I think there's a rat," I whispered.

His face morphed into outright confusion then slight betrayal. His mouth opened to reply but was interrupted by the door opening.

Peter and Pandora entered quietly. The shorter boy pulled on his cuffs and wrapped them around his knuckles. I smiled weakly as a greeting. Pandora did a double take of my face then went back to setting a place for her to sit.

"They said they'll be back in the morning to check on him. After they do, we should hurry back to Hogwarts," Peter told in a hushed volume.

Pandora furrowed her brows but didn't say anything. She draped her jacket over herself and made eye contact with me. She shook her head slightly. I pursed my lips and looked back at him.

"Is that safe? With me? What if they track us and march right into the school? We shouldn't," I responded.

"The safest place for us is back at Hogwarts," Remus argued.

The harshness of his tone took me by surprise. I grit my teeth but tried to understand. Of course he'd be upset. I'd just offended him by saying one of our friends is a spy. We didn't have enough time for me to explain or further my point. So he just thinks I'm assuming the worst and that I don't trust them.

"It is. And Dumbledore can protect us," Wormtail confirmed.

"It's not. What can Dumbledore do for us, anyways? He never protected Cry. She had to handle it all on her own," Pandora interject.

While I never had the guts to say it, she's right. I did get help and support from my friends but Dumbledore didn't do shit for me. He only visited me once throughout my entire time plagued by Tom Riddle. Only to speak poorly of my parents.

"If he knew she's still alive, he would do everything to make sure she will stay alive. No person with common sense would let one of their students die a second time on their watch," Remus rebuted.

"He should've done everything to make sure she didn't die the first time. No person with common sense would let one of their students be tormented by a murderer," she mocked.

"You two, stop it. This is getting nowhere," I hissed.

Wormtail let out a 'mhm' in agreement. He crossed his arms around himself and rest his chin on his knees. He curled in on himself with an uneasy expression. My heart broke at the sight.

"We can talk about this in the morning. After Padfoot's checkup. Right now, we need some sleep," I declared.

The pair turned their heads away from each other in exasperation. I feel like the bad guy here. Even if they were talking about me, it felt like they were using me as an excuse. Like it was easy to use me to argue about things because of some unresolved feelings of dislike. I don't know.

All I know, at this moment, I feel alone. I can't make any eye contact with Remus anymore. Pandora is too frustrated to initiate conversation anymore. Everyone else is passed out. This wouldn't even be an issue if I stayed dead.

-lana