Shut Up, Padfoot!

64

Iris

I choked on my biscuit.

My throat closed up and I pounded at my chest. My free hand reaching for the glass of water on the table. Cameron pushed the glass closer to my hand, grazing my fingertips.

"You okay, mum?" Dean wondered worriedly.

I nodded, sipping quietly. With my airways finally cleared, I can refocus on the statement Cameron said.

"I'm okay... Can you repeat what you said, hun?" I meekly asked.

"A letter came for you yesterday. From Remus Lupin," he repeated.

His brow rose when he set his butterknife down. His thumb wiped at the stray crumbs on the side of his mouth. Dean went back to his own plate, messing around with his scrambled eggs, chubby legs swinging back and forth in his seat.

"It said write him back as soon as you could. You came back home late last night so didn't get a chance to tell you," he explained.

"Did it say why?" I questioned.

He shook his head, tilting his head to the side with confusion. His hair fell into his eyes and the sleepy expression that I always see in the mornings remained.

Clink!

I jumped. The sound of the door bell resonated the same time Dean's fork fell to the floor.

My chair scratched the floorboards as I moved away from the table. Quickly, I knelt down to pick the fork up and set it in the sink. I swiped my hand over Dean's hair and moved past his seat.

Who would be here so early in the morning? Maybe a neighbor complaining? Or the deliveryman? We should have a do not disturb sign out there...

I flicked the locks open and gripped the doorknob. A click quietly sounded off and I swung the door open. The hinges creaking as I did so.

"Remus..." I breathed out.

He's here.

The breeze outside picked up on his hair strands and ruffled the already disheveled style he had. Red high on his cheekbones, bitter cold engrained into his pale skin. Lips raw with stress.

"Shit.. Iris," he said.

His voice is deeper than the last time I saw him. Almost five years ago.

"Remus, what're you–"

"Iris, who is it?" Cameron called.

I looked over my shoulder, watching Cameron peer from the corner. Full body coming out and approaching the front entrance. He stared at Remus and blinked back to me.

"This is Remus," I introduced.

"Oh, Iris–" Remus began.

My head turned back and my gaze locked on him. I gave him a stern stare because I just know what he was going to say. I know he would say he's sorry for intruding and go. My brows furrowed and my lips pressed into a line.

"Let's go outside. Cam, can you go wash up Dean?" I said, not giving him a chance to respond.

Without taking a coat, I shut the door behind me. Remus stepped backward, off the front steps. Who would've thought? Old lover, current lover.

"Dean?" he commented.

"My son," I replied.

His eyes widened and a small smile encased his face. "Wow! Look at you, Iris the mom."

"I know right? I'd have you meet him but..

I have a feeling you didn't come to meet my family," I continued.

His grin fell and he lowered his eyes. I fisted the cuffs of my sweater to trap the heat in. The thin material let the chills into my body but I think the least I can do is attend to him than worry about myself.

"Moony, what's wrong?"

He broke.

Trembles attacked his body. Tears welling from the corners of his eyes. He kept his head turned to the side to stop me from seeing but I can, I can see everything unravel.

"Fuck," he choked out, reprimanding himself for being vulnerable.

My senses alerted. Something is so wrong. Over the past years, I've lost contact with the Marauders. Every now and then, I'd get a letter the first few years when they found my new address. But they ceased when life got in the way.

I was surprised when Remus wrote because I haven't heard from him since we parted ways our seventh year. Our goodbye was fleeting. None of us wanted to stay in that train station longer than we had to.

"They got him, Iris. And James- James.. he..."

"What's wrong, shit- what's wrong?" I kept asking..

I'm scared.

I'm panicking because what if this is another repeat of Cry? What if we've lost even more? What if he won?

"James is dead. With Lily, she's dead," he told.

It's like the life I've built for myself shattered. Something I've poured blood, sweat, and tears into for years.. into pieces in an instant.

I would never have the same past or connection they had with each other. And maybe that's why I got away with it, enough to break away from the world and find love again, find it in my husband and my son.

But the past always crawls back.

"Remus, that's impossible. I thought– I thought we were okay," I spluttered.

"I don't know what to do, Iris. Peter, I can't believe him, he betrayed us. And Sirius— fucking hell!" he exclaimed.

Horror stricken.

The reality dawned on me. I pretended I was okay all these years and never dealt with the pain. I should've gone back. I should've been there. I can't do much but maybe I could've prevented some of this from happening.

"This all happened... while I was living a dream?" I lowly whispered.

He brought his head back up, worry on his own face. How could he look at me like this? He's been with these people since day one. Not a day went by where he didn't think of them. And he's worried for me? What kind of sick joke is this?

"No, no, you got out, Iris. You got out and you survived. You were so smart to leave it all behind," he reassured in the midst of the hurt.

"Stop doing that, Remus! You're in front of me, literally dying of pain, and you're saying I was 'smart to leave it behind'?" I argued.

Just the two of us now.

Ironic, isn't it? When I thought it'd be Sirius and Cry in the end. Love untainted by the monstrosities of the world.

We both stayed quiet. Neither of us know what to say anymore. Should I comfort him? Should I go inside and pretend nothing happened? Go back to my family again? Leave the past behind once more?

I took a step forward. I wrapped my arms around him.

He buried his face into my hair and held me tightly. I need to stop thinking about myself right now. This is about him.

Twelve years with them is so much more valuable than the two I had.

This isn't the end of his suffering, I can tell.

I'm sorry, Remus.

-lana