Whiskey River, Drown my Soul

Chapter Four

We ended up taking turns sleeping and driving back across the border overnight. At the critical points, Jose, Luis, Dean, and I were the visible faces in the front seats. There was no way the local criminals were going to negotiate with massive white American men.

We drove all the way back to Tim's in Texas, where everyone had their vehicles waiting. Thompson, Rev, and I followed Jose and Ip in my Jeep to Jose's ranch to get some food and sleep before starting the trek back north.

Jose's sandstone-walled hacienda-style house was large, and fastidiously maintained by his mother, but it wasn't lavish. It was, however, spacious and comfortable.

We had a very quiet meal of leftovers in the kitchen, so we wouldn't wake his mother or son.

He didn't ask, and I wasn't going to complain, about Rev and I sharing a room and a bed. I wasn't interested in having sex right now, but I also assumed Rev wasn't, either. I knew he was exhausted and irritable, and things were awkward between us. However, with as many beds as Rev and I had shared together, what was one more? It wasn't going to be an issue unless I made it one.

I shed my wig and contacts, washed my face, brushed my teeth, changed into a t-shirt and cotton shorts, and was asleep before Rev came out of the bathroom.

...........................................................................

When I woke up, I was laying on my side and Rev was curled against my back with his arm around me, like normal. It didn't bother me, and it felt right, which did bother me because I needed to protect my heart and I couldn't do that in Rev's arms.

I had been dreaming about Brad. Nothing specific, just him in general. Being with him, talking to him. I couldn't remember what about. I didn't typically dream of him, and the memory of it upon waking was making my chest ache with grief and longing.

I attempted to stealthily extract myself from Rev and, of course, woke him in the process.

"Where you goin'?", he asked sleepily.

His right eye was black and purple. His left temple and cheekbone were light green.

"I need to shower", I said.

He caught my wrist. "Love, we need to talk".

"I prefer to shower", I said, pulling my wrist away.

I walked into the bathroom with tears stinging my eyes. I felt bad being so cold to him but I knew I would survive better emotionally without him than I could with him if I had to face losing him, too.

I can't go through it again.

I ran the shower while I brushed my teeth, chugged some water, and used the toilet. I had gotten in and was through shampooing and applying conditioner before Rev stepped in.

I wasn't necessarily surprised but I didn't know how to react. That was a first for me with Rev. Typically my reactions with Rev were instinctual, motivated by desire, and held little to no thought whatsoever.

He grabbed my face gently, leaned down, and kissed me as assertively as usual. After a split second of hesitation, I was kissing him back automatically, grabbing him around the neck and pulling his face into mine. No thought, no control, just feeling. Typical with Rev. I lost myself in him every single time. I had no control over myself with him. It had always been like that. Pure physical desire above and beyond the mental and emotional connections we had. The physical was the strongest attraction to Rev, and it had always been stronger than my physical desire for Brad, though admittedly not by a lot.

Minutes later, Rev was running his hands all over my body and the fiery desire was ignited for him as it always had been. He ran his mouth down my neck, across my breast, my stomach, and then stood and lifted me up against the shower wall in one fluid motion. He crushed his mouth against mine and entered me. In barely any time at all, I had reached orgasm, with Rev mere seconds after.