Whiskey River, Drown my Soul

Chapter Twenty-Five

I woke up late Thursday morning with the sunshine blaring through the shades and my head still on Ip's chest. I could feel his heart beating calmly beneath my cheek, the softness of his skin, the firmness of his pectoral muscle. I breathed in his scent which I enjoyed so much, especially up this close- a combination of after shave, body wash, and horses.

What am I going to do about this?

I didn't like the unknown and I hated making hard decisions. I also hated being surprised and taken off guard. Once I worked through enough to problem solve and make my decision, I could carry it through. The problem was, though, when it came to my heart, even when I knew what I should do, I very seldom followed it through. Bad decisions were made with men, time and time and time again. I had no hope for this situation with Ip ending any differently, but I was enjoying these moments regardless.

I laid there for awhile, thinking about Ip, about me, about the panic attack. I had to pee but refused to move until I couldn't wait any longer. I knew as soon as he woke, the gentleman in him would force him to keep his physical distance from me, and that was not what I wanted right now.

I laid there for what felt like a really long time before Ip moved. I tipped my chin up to look at him so he would know I was awake.

"Mornin'", he said, rubbing my arm.

"Hey", I said as he stretched.

My ear and cheek were numb from laying on them for hours but I was still sad it was time to move.

I shifted to rest my chin on my left hand, which was laying on his chest, and gazed into his face.

"You okay?", he asked.

"Yes and no. I need to run. Where can I do that?"

"Run? Are you feeling good enough for that?"

"No, which is why I need to".

"I'm not following", he said, brushing his thumb across my jawline and smiling at me.

"My body is filled with stress from the panic attack and I need to work it out. I'll loosen up as I go. It will help. It always does".

"All right. I'll take you on the trail I typically run myself".

"You don't need to take time out of your day for that", I protested.

"You heard Jose", he said. "They're okay without me. I can take you unless you prefer to go alone?"

I was still gazing into his light blue eyes.

"I prefer to go with you".

"All right then. When?"

"Doesn't matter".

He chuckled at me.

"I need to go to the bathroom", he said.

"So do I".

"You gonna get up then?"

I shrugged.

He started laughing. "Paige, what on earth?", he asked.

I finally sat up. "I like laying on you is all, and now that's over and I don't want it to be", I admitted, quickly exiting the bed so I didn't have to see what that did to his face. I didn't want to know. I shouldn't have said it. I was giving him hope, and probably false hope at that. I was pretty sure I could never leave Rev as I could never leave Brad. If I couldn't leave Brad after he did everything wrong, how would I be able to leave Rev who hadn't done anything to deserve it?

...........................................................................

Ip watched Paige's beautiful little body move gracefully out of the bed and into the bathroom. He tried to rein in his thoughts as he realized he was staring at her perfectly sculpted behind again.