Secrets

21 | hadley

The ride back home from the beach house is as uncomfortable as it is quiet.

I claim the back row as my own, wanting to be as alone as I possibly can be while in a car filled with my friends. I'm mad, and I feel as if I have a right to be. Devon kept a huge secret from me for nearly two months. I guess being kept out of the loop leaves me feeling pretty anti-social, so I spend the car ride ignoring everyone with my earbuds in, blasting mind-numbing music.

Clover and Mason sit in the row in front of me, with Kai once again in the driver's seat and Devon next to him. During the first hour of the drive, Kai tried to strike up conversation between the five of us, though I'd been quick to shut down any form of small talk.

I haven't talked to Devon since last night at the bonfire. I'll give her credit for trying to get through to me–she came to our shared room at the beach house last night and knocked for what felt like hours, begging me to let her in. I suppose I may have been a tad bit harsh, though I'd refused to unlock the door. I'd told her to go away, leaving her to crash with one of our friends or sleep on the couch.

Kai tried to apologize to me this morning as well. He'd admitted that though he was glad I finally knew the truth, the way he'd gone about revealing Devon's secret should have been handled differently and that him being drunk was no excuse for his behavior. I'd forgiven him, though indifferently, and refused to engage in further conversation.

And now we're pulling onto my street and I still have yet to utter a word to anyone. Examining my behavior rationally, I know I'm acting childish and being unfair. I know in my heart that Devon didn't want to hurt me. And yet somehow she still managed to do exactly that. I don't understand why Devon couldn't have just been honest with me from the beginning. Why wait to tell me she's moving to California when the two of us now only have two weeks left to spend together? How did she think I would react to the news of her getting an early acceptance to Stanford? Did she think I would take her accomplishment and make it all about me–how upset I would be about her having to move and how much I would miss her?

Does my girlfriend even know me?

Of course I would have still been sad about the thought of her moving so far away if she had been honest with me, though more than anything I would have been happy for her. I still am–I'm so proud of her accomplishment. However, my pride and elation has now been clouded by the betrayal I feel, brought on by Devon's secrets.

I snap out of my thoughts when I notice the car has come to a stop. I glance out of the window and gaze out at the familiar scenery of my home and front yard. Wordlessly, I climb over to the second row and exit the vehicle through the door by Mason, marching to the back to grab my suitcase from the trunk.

As I turn to stalk up the driveway, I run into Mason. I'm slightly surprised to find she's climbed out of the car, though not really. She's always the mediator between the five of us, constantly trying to make things better after arguments.