Secrets

5 | hadley

Sloane is walking down her driveway just as I step out of the front door to head to my car–a surprise gift from my parents for my birthday.

I curse under my breath the second I spot her, rushing to turn around and re-enter my house.

Unfortunately, I don't manage to successfully do so.

I can tell Sloane has spotted me when I hear her calling my name. I grit my teeth and hesitantly turn back around. To walk away now would just be rude.

I guess Mom was right. It is going to be pretty hard to avoid her when she lives across the street.

"Hadley!" Sloane cries as she jogs across the pavement separating our houses, approaching my driveway. I remain standing stiffly on my front porch, frozen in place and unable to move.

"Hey!" Sloane says as she reaches my mailbox, waving over at me. "Can we–can we talk?"

"Uh . . ." I seem incapable of forming a sentence as Sloane keeps walking, already halfway up my driveway now. I clear my throat and walk down the steps slowly, shoving my hands into the pockets of my denim shorts. "Uh, yeah. Sure."

I can't help studying Sloane as she stands before me, unable to believe she is real. I never thought I would see her again and yet here she is, right in front of me, real and here. I take in her long chestnut-colored hair, her tan skin, the splash of dark freckles across her nose and cheeks. It takes all of the strength I can muster to hold her stare and glance into those multi-colored eyes of hers. I used to get lost in those eyes for what felt like hours, trying to determine if they were green or brown or an intricate shade of hazel.

She looks exactly the same as she did when she left me. And yet everything is different now.

"I'm sorry," she deadpans in a sharp breath. I can tell by the way her features are drawn so tightly that she really is apologetic. "For showing up at your house uninvited and everything, I mean. I–I just wanted to see you. And I don't know why I thought you would want to see me because you never responded to my letter, and I knew I should have left you alone, but I'm back and I just wanted–"

"I never got your letter," I cut her off, unsure as to why I bother to explain my side of the story at all. I should let it go. Our past doesn't matter now. Not when there can never be a future.

I should let her go.

"I never got your letter," I repeat, clearing my throat once more as I glance off somewhere to the left of Sloane. "My mom, uh–she got to it first. I never saw it. I was sent to um . . . I was sent to conversation therapy, actually. That's why I never answered."

Sloane's eyes go wide at my little spiel. She covers her mouth for a moment, staring at me in shock. She then takes the smallest of steps forward, resting a hand on my shoulder as she murmurs, "Hadley . . . I-I had no idea. I'm so sorry . . ."

Awkwardly, I shrug Sloane's hand off of my shoulder and take a slight step away from her. This gesture does not go unnoticed by Sloane, whose gaze follows my movements with unhidden confusion.

"I'm okay," I tell her. "I'm actually out now. My parents–well, my mom–they came around. And I–uh, I have a girlfriend now."

"Oh." Just the single word holds so much meaning as it leaves Sloane's lips. I detect traces of hurt and disappointment in her tone, masked behind a blank expression as she takes this new information in to digest.

"It's good to see you again, though," I mutter. The words hold a ring of truth. It is sort of nice seeing Sloane again, especially after she had been ripped out of my life so unexpectedly. It's crazy to think somehow she worked her way back to me, even under these unforeseen circumstances. For some odd reason, I begin thinking about her letter. What would have happened had I gotten a hold of it? If I had answered, what would she and I be now? Would things still have ended between us, or would we still be together? Would she be standing before me now, so much more than an old flame?

Would I have ever met Devon?

"Yeah," Sloane says softly. "It's good to see you too, Hads."

Inwardly, I wince at her use of my nickname. It's strange to hear the word roll off of her tongue once again, so effortless and natural. Once upon a time, Sloane whispering my name like that would have made me weak in the knees and filled my stomach up to the brim with butterflies.

Nowadays, there's another girl in my life saying my name like she used to.

A girl I can't lose.

"I–I should go," I tell Sloane, gesturing to my car parked in the driveway next to us. "It was nice talking to you."

"Okay," Sloane says with a disappointed nod of her head. I can tell she wants to say more, yet something seems to hold her back. "Yeah, okay. Bye, Hadley."

"Bye." I dismiss her with a wave, and she only lingers for a moment before turning her back to me and wandering back down the driveway, leaving the same way she appeared.

I know there's nothing left for me when it comes to Sloane–I know that even though she may be back, I left her in my past long ago.

Yet something keeps me standing in place, watching after her as she goes.

———
a/n: i miss my gf so much. literally every time i've tried to see her the last month or so something happens so we can't 😭