Secrets

23 | hadley

I keep my head low as I walk Daisy down the street, lost in thought. Walking Daisy is usually Reagan's thing, though she's been at her friend Maddie's house over the last two days and Daisy still needs her exercise.

Time moves in slow motion, leaving me merely going through the motions as if I'm not fully existing in the moment. I've felt out of sorts since finding out that Devon will soon be leaving. It doesn't seem to matter how many times I try to convince myself that I'm okay–I'm really not. Deep down, I know this. No matter the act I put on in front of my friends and family, no matter how easy it is for me to fake happy . . . I'm just not.

I feel as if I'm losing Devon, even if that isn't the case at all. Couples stay together through distance; it's not as if this is a rare situation. Yet it still hurts to realize that all of the plans I'd had for this upcoming year–homecoming, prom, attending Devon's soccer games–are all gone. Just like that, everything I'd been looking forward to has been taken from me.

Part of me feels selfish for thinking this way. I should be focused on Devon and her success right now, and yet I can't control my sadness from getting in the way of how happy I should be for her. Devon has worked so hard for this scholarship and to get into Stanford. That's what should matter most.

But what about us? Doesn't that matter too?

I curse under my breath as my vision begins to sting. It seems that all I've done since returning from the beach is cry. I try my best to shake off my emotion as I turn a corner and rotate back onto my street, following behind Daisy as she guides me on her leash.

"Hadley!"

I flinch at the sound of my name being called, glancing up in surprise to find Sloane staring over at me. She's climbing out of her car just as I'm passing her house–she seems to have exceptional timing.

I quickly wipe at my eyes as Sloane wanders down her driveway, soon standing before me in record time. I still find myself in a state of shock every time the two of us manage to run into each other. I guess part of me still hasn't registered the fact that Sloane is really back, that she is here and once again a part of my life–even if her role in the shit show that is my reality is now significantly smaller.

"Um, hi," I mumble in greeting once Sloane comes to a stop, offering a kind smile my way.

"Hey," Sloane says breezily, like this interaction is nothing. Like she used to, back when this sort of thing was normal. As if what happened between us was nothing more than a bad dream. I don't know how she does it; how she manages to act so casual around me when I'm so on edge around her.

I've moved on from Sloane–I'm certain of it. Yet a voice still whispers in the back of my mind that she's the one who seems to have truly moved on, whilst I act cagey and unnerved in her presence.

"I was just getting back from the school," Sloane informs me, interrupting my mind from continuing to fall down a rabbit hole of the past. "Getting my registration done and everything."