Secrets

8 | devon

I linger in the locker room once practice comes to an end, as if taking my time somehow helps to avoid all of the difficulty going on in my life at the moment.

Hadley is supposed to take me home–I saw her car in the parking lot while I was on the field. I know Clover and Mason are with her, which merely adds to my stress. Kai won't stop texting me, begging me to tell the girls about Stanford since I'll be with them all at once.

I leave his messages on read. I can't bring myself to answer, because I know he'll be disappointed by my selfishness. I want to tell Hadley and my friends about Stanford, I really do. I just can't bring myself to actually do it. As much as I know they'll be happy for me, I also know how much this will hurt them. Especially Hadley . . .

Pain fills my chest at the mere thought of her. I've been a shitty girlfriend to her ever since I got that acceptance letter, which arrived the day after her birthday. I've come up with every excuse I can possibly think of to avoid being alone with her, always "busy" whenever she asks to hang out. I know I'm being unfair to her, though I try to rationalize this by telling myself I'm protecting her from a much worse pain.

At least the stress of keeping my acceptance to Stanford a secret has taken my mind off of the fact that Sloane, Hadley's ex-girlfriend, has moved back to town. I don't know that I'd ever admit it aloud, but the thought of Sloane living across from Hadley irks me. It's one thing to know they dated–that Hadley once had feelings for her–but it's another to know that they never officially broke up.

What if the feelings between the two are still there? What if living so close will reignite an old flame?

A wave of nausea rolls through me as I realize that I'll soon be leaving, but Sloane isn't going anywhere–at least, not that I know of. While I'm hours away from my own girlfriend, her ex will be right across the street. Sloane will be spending senior year with Hadley–what was supposed to be our senior year.

The thought makes me sick.

I've never known myself to be the jealous type. I've never felt as insecure in my life as I do now. Yet something about Hadley's history with Sloane has me wrapped in a chokehold of nerves and fear, refusing to let go.

My phone vibrates in my back pocket, jolting me back to reality. It's a text from Hadley, asking if I'm ready to go. I conjure up all of the strength I can muster to type out a quick reply, forcing myself to gather my things and exit the locker room.

Unfortunately, I can't hide from my fears forever. Eventually, I suppose I'll have to face them.

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a/n: hi i'm here w a midnight update 🌌