"We all have dreams, Devon Parker!"
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Hadley Carter's life is a mess. That is, more of a mess than usual. The unexpected return of her ex creates a storm of chaos Hadley is left to battle alone. Ha...
That's all the time I have left with Hadley before I move across the country for school. Not counting the time factored out due to soccer practices and the late hours of the day fading into the early morning we spend sleeping.
The two of us try to cram as much of our free time together as possible, trying to make up for the distance to soon come between us. Neither of us say it aloud, though the time we do spend together feels somewhat forced and unnatural, like Hadley and I are trying too hard to act neutral instead of facing the harsh reality that is the truth: Soon I will be gone.
I study Hadley as she sits across from me now, oblivious to my thoughts as she lays sprawled out on my mattress scrolling through her phone. I can't help thinking that there is so much I'm holding back from her–so many things I should probably mention, like how hard it is for me to accept that I will soon be gone despite how excited I am over having made it into my dream school; how worried I am about us lasting long distance . . . and yet I can't bring myself to do so. I blame fear for being the reason I hold my tongue on these subjects, because I know that talking about these things will make them all the more real. I suppose a part of me still wants to hold on to acting as if nothing is changing rather than face the fact that everything has already changed.
"What are you thinking about?" Hadley speaks up, tossing her phone to the side as she narrows her bright blue eyes at me.
"Nothing," I chirp too quickly. I force a smile. "Why?"
Hadley snorts. "Bullshit. You have your thinking face on. What's up?"
I drop my gaze to the comforter, picking at a loose thread to avoid eye contact. "I don't know. It's nothing."
"Hm," Hadley hums, shifting to her side so she can stare me down whilst facing me. "Which is it: You don't know, or it's nothing?"
I shrug. "Neither. Both. I don't know."
"You're no good at lying, Devon Parker," Hadley teases gently. I bristle at the fact that I may be no good at lying, yet I somehow managed to keep the fact that I'm leaving a secret from her for over a month. "At least, not to me."
Her words bring the faintest of smiles to my lips, though the gesture quickly fades. "I'm just gonna miss this when I'm gone," I admit, suddenly hit by the realization of how true the statement is. "Being with you. Touching you. Hearing your voice in person. Hanging out. I'm gonna miss . . . you."
"Hey." Hadley's tone is full of concern as she pulls herself up to a sitting position, setting a comforting hand on my thigh. "It's okay, Dev."
I shake my head as I offer a sarcastic grin, blinking back another damn round of tears. I don't think I've ever cried so much in my life–not like I have this past week.
"Is it, though?" I question, finally finding the courage to meet Hadley's stare.
"I mean that it's okay to talk about your feelings," Hadley explains softly. "It's okay to be sad. And angry. And scared and confused. It's okay to admit that you're not okay, Devon. You don't have to pretend with me. This is a big change, for both of us."
My bottom lip trembles like a leaf in autumn wind. I allow my tears to fall freely, no longer strong enough to withhold my emotions.
"I don't want to ruin the little time we have left," I choke out the words over the lump forming in my throat.
"You're not ruining anything," Hadley assures me. "Now come here."
I crawl into her arms, leaning into Hadley's chest as she wraps her arms around my torso, holding me close. I cry faintly into her embrace, closing my eyes as I grip the hemline of her shirt tightly into my fist. I hold onto her as if I'm terrified of letting go–which I am. I only have so long to hold her close; she will only hold me like this a few times more before I won't be able to feel her at all.
"I love you," Hadley whispers as she plants a sweet kiss atop my forehead. She pulls me in closer, as if she's as scared of letting me go as I am her.
I love Hadley Carter–I've never been so certain of anything in my life. I just hope that our love is strong enough to keep us together, despite the distance that will soon pull us apart.
——— a/n: long distance do be sucking ass sometimes
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