Secrets

25 | hadley

Devon rolls her window down to leave us all with one last departing wave and faltering smile before shifting gears and driving off. I reamin in place, watching as she goes, standing firm as her car disappears down the street before fading from sight.

I can't help feeling slightly disappointed . . . That was it. She's really gone, and that was it. I'm now left alone, facing the reality of the situation. I can no longer feel Devon, no longer hear her voice in person, no longer sit in the comfort of her presence.

She's just . . . gone.

"Hey," Mason mumbles by my side gently, resting a hand on my shoulder. "Don't think too hard. She'll be back. It's all going to work out. I promise."

I nod, though I can't face my friend. All of this just feels like too much too fast. So much to wrap my head around in so little time.

I finally turn to follow my friends back up the driveway when something stops me. I hesitate as the sound of tires crunching gravel rings through my ears, halting my movements. I whirl on my heel just in time to see Devon's car rounding the corner, coming to a stop in the exact place it had been parked before she left.

Devon hops out of her car and runs toward me without bothering to close the driver's side door. I have no time to digest the fact that she's already come back before her hands are grasping my cheeks, her lips meeting mine with a dire intensity.

Devon kisses me like she doesn't know when she'll have the chance to do so again–which I suppose she doesn't–pulling me into her as if she has no intention of ever letting go.

"I couldn't leave without doing that," Devon pants as she pulls away to catch her breath, forehead resting against my own.

I don't know what to say, so flustered by all that I still have yet to wrap my head around.

"I know I have to," Devon prefaces by saying, clinging to my skin as she adds, "but I don't want to let go of you, Hadley."

"I don't want to either," I admit, voice cracking. "I'm going to miss you so much, Devon Parker."

"Not as much as I'm going to miss you." Devon nuzzles her face into the crook of my neck, and I realize that this is it–the display of emotion revealing the fear and sadness she's been holding in that I have been waiting for her to show. She's been acting so tough lately, refusing to admit aloud or express that she's scared of leaving–to display that this has been as hard on her as it is on me.

"You've always told me to face my fears," I whisper to Devon. "Now it's time for you to face yours."

Devon nods as she raises her head, holding my stare with wide, child-like eyes. I cup her face and plant a kiss upon her forehead, sharing a breath as we stand together, two people unwilling to be the first to let go.

It dawns on me that I've been so focused on my own feelings–caught up in my own fears and sadness at having to watch Devon go–that I've been ignorant to her own. Devon is standing before me terrified to release me, despite all of the hope and opportunity awaiting her.

I'm holding her back.

So I let go.

Deep down, I know I have to. This is the part of our story she must go alone; she needs to venture off in order to write her own chapter.

I swallow down all of my doubts, my pain, my anxiety–and God, is it a bitter pill–and focus all of my attention on Devon. It's hard, realizing I'm what's stopping her from being truly excited for this new journey she's about to take, yet I know I have to do what's best for her. Because that's what you do when you love someone. You hold them when they need you to. Then you let go when the time comes.

I take Devon's hand and lead her back to her car, holding open the door for her as she reluctantly falls back into the driver's seat.

"You've got this," I remind her. I flash a genuine smile, refusing to give into the storm brewing within my mind. "Everything will work out the way it's supposed to."

Devon nods. Gripping the steering wheel tightly in her hands, Devon chokes, "I love you."

"I love you, too."

Those are the last words we exchange before Devon begins to drive off once more. This time I know there will be no turning back for her. And yet I still remain standing firmly in place, because somehow I know she'll be looking for me in the rearview mirror until I inevitably fade into the distance.

But I'll always be here waiting for her whenever she decides to come back.

———
a/n: sorry for the late update, yesterday and today i have been in the process of moving. but i have some free time in the car now so (: