Secrets

32 | devon

I'm reeling after hanging up with Hadley, uncertain as to why I'm so frustrated.

I toss my phone down and clutch my head in my hands, squeezing my eyes closed as I try to escape the rage that builds in my chest at the sight of Hadley's ex-girlfriend in her bedroom. And to make matters worse, they weren't even alone. It's almost ridiculous that I would have rather seen my girlfriend hanging out with her ex in private, but seeing Sloane with my friends–mine and Hadley's friends–felt like a bullet to the heart.

I bite down on my lip as my thoughts race around my head a mile a minute. Am I really that easily replaceable? It's like I leave and I'm only gone for a month and everything is already moving on without me back home. My spot amongst my friends filled by Hadley's ex-girlfriend? Seriously?

I begin to fall down a rabbit hole I can't seem to climb out of. Are Hadley and Sloane really just working on a project, or is something more going on? Why did Sloane already look so chummy with my friends? How could Mason even do that to me? I'm miffed with Bianca as well, even though I've never been all that close with her.

As I'm sitting in my own pity party, Audrey enters our shared room. She flashes me a bright smile before furrowing her eyebrows, clearly picking up on the dark anger hanging around me.

"What's wrong?" Audrey asks, sounding as if she genuinely cares.

I hesitate for a moment, considering what to tell her. I haven't talked much about the life I had back home with Audrey–I don't even think I've told her my old friends' names. I know I could talk to her about anything, but it's almost like I don't want to. I want to keep those things private, to hold onto them a little while longer. Because to say out loud that Hadley and my friends are now merely my past . . . well, I just don't know if I'm ready for that yet.

"Nothing," I finally decide to say, forcing a smile. "What's up?"

"Bullshit," Audrey argues, clearly not buying my lie. "Don't talk about it if you don't want to, but I know just the thing that will cheer you up."

I raise an eyebrow curiously. Audrey is smirking as she crosses over to her side of the room, opening one of her drawers and pulling out a bottle of vodka.

"Get dressed," she tells me, with no explanation as to where we're going.

Cautiously, I rise from my seat. "I don't know if I'm really in the mood for going out . . ." I begin to decline. I know I shouldn't, not with practice so early in the morning and classes after, on top of assignments and readings I need to complete.

Audrey merely shakes her head and grins smugly. "That's the best time to go out, Parker! Come on. I promise a few shots will take your mind off of whatever is bothering you."

I think in silence for a moment. I recall the last party I went to with Audrey–how the alcohol and dancing had helped me escape from all of my worries and fears and doubts. Somehow, I had managed to stop thinking of home and all of the things I left behind, granted with a few moments of peace. I long to feel that way again–free, not held back from my past.