Your Dark Stars - Highschool K/DA x Male Reader

027 - Understand what it means to hurt

"Enjoying the view?" I ask her.

She glances down at me, "Thought you'd never show up," she then extends her hand, I step closer grabbing to support her as she drops down, "Thanks," flashing me a smile.

"A reason for you sitting there?"

Shaking her head quickly, "Nope. Just wanted to feel the breeze for a bit to clear my head."

Furrowing my brow I tuck my hands in my pockets to keep them warm as I ask, "It's pretty cold out just for that - you okay? Did say that I am all ears if something does end up bothering you?"

She chuckles, "Id then just be saying the same old thing I have been complaining about for years now, it wouldn't change much if I started now but, thanks for the offer anyway."

Tilting my head to one side, I watch her with a smile, "On the other hand I do recall you saying that you never really talked about it so maybe having someone to complain about it can make it just a tad bit more bearable. Just a thought."

"Hmm," lifting one eyebrow as if contemplating it, then finally turning to walk as she coos, "I'll have to think about~"

Catching up to her with a short jog leading into a slow walk the moment I side next to her, "Do you have plans for today is it one of those things where we figure it out the moment something catches our eyes?"

She then states as we walk, her eyes locked in front of her, "I don't ever have plans but I just don't want to be in there all weekend. I asked mostly because I felt like I wanted to spend some time and I didn't really care how or why."

"An extreme way to say, no. I have no idea what we are doing today."

She giggles, "You got your answer and a little bit more," she locks eyes with me for a moment, "I spend every weekend away from home, they will just put me to work and they almost expect me not to be home. Usually, we walk around through the town, visit some street performers and I often frequent a little corner downtown. Might not be your speed though, my friends don't exactly like it there."

"I won't mind checking it out."

She pulls her gaze away from me, "Maybe not today, I only go at night when my friends are around and when the spirits are high and my confidence at its highest. The dark of the night feels more comforting than daylight."

"The motto of your little group of ninjas?"

She snorts, "Shut up."

I laugh at my own remark as I then ask seriously, "Jokes aside, is there an actual reason for it?"

She remarks, "You are asking me quite a bit."

"I wouldn't if I wasn't even a little bit interested in knowing more about you."

She purses her lips, which slowly shift into a smile, "Because it feels like no one can see you, I like that feeling. Which is funny... because all my life the attention is on me to fill a role that I don't want to fill yet here I am chacing a scene where I force the attention to be all on me."

"Rap, right?"

She nods, "Correct."

I then say, "Isn't it perfect though? Coming from terrible beginnings it just often comes down to striving for that little bit better-"

"Sounds a little bit more like running than making it better... doesn't it?" she twists her lips to the side, I can tell she has been considering it like that for a long time and I doubt I'd be able to change that thought. Ever.

I then offer a smile, "I don't know, Akali. We can't solve all the problems by staring them down and punching them in the face - sometimes running is the only other way out."

"If they allow you to run, yeah," she then sighs, "Enough of that. There is a reason why I don't talk about it, I don't want you to sit with me in a bad mood all day.'

I then say with a smile, "I don't mind, the present matters more than you think. Though it would definitely be better to have an outgoing and giggling Akali rather than a brooding and sulking Akali."

"I don't sulk," she scoffs as she rolls her eyes.

"Then what would you call it?"

"Not sulking, that's for sure," she then steps closer as she bumps her elbow into my arm, "Shut up about will you? If you start using my complaining against you then you won't hear a peep about it from me after this."

"Alright - alright."

"But..."

"But?"

She gives me a heartwarming smile, "It did make me feel a lot better about it already, so... thank you."

***   Akali POV   ***

I don't know how to explain what it feels like, a fresh change of pace isn't exactly correct but it is hard to voice what you want from the people around you without making it seem that you just constantly want attention.

I want someone to recognize the problems, someone to point out my own hypocrisy, someone to force me to talk about it even when I don't ever want to face it. To tell me that I was right when I think I am wrong. To tell me when I am wrong because I wanted to be right.

The words - sometimes running away is the only way out.

It has to come from a place that understands my own situation... I want to ask him about it. How did he have the strength to turn his back on something, how do you do that when you know that you are burning a bridge that was built over your entire childhood.

Who am I kidding? I have been burning that bridge with matches instead of torches because I am scared of the consequences. I am stuck in that gray area of wondering what the fuck I am supposed to be doing - maybe I need some change for the better.

But... where does it start? I want to ask you, (Y/N), to be that anchor that I need. To hold my hand and keep me grounded, to tell me everything I need to hear. That when I start crying that instead of wiping my tears you let me cry because I am relieved, relieved of never having that expectation held above my head.

Because even if I told them, I don't think they would ever understand so why when I talk to you... why when I am walking next to you and I see that expression on your face. Why does it make me feel like you understand what it means to be hurt?

In the end? That is too much to ask of anyone. I don't ever expect that from someone. Never.

So I will ask you one thing, (Y/N) and that is... that is to...

"Bear with me, okay?" I flash him another smile as he glances at me.

He chuckles as he shoots his gaze to the sky, "Until you eventually make me take responsibility?"

Countering with an arched brow, "Either way it sounds like you will be stuck with me until you get sick of me."

"I don't think it would ever come down to it," he chuckles, "You are incredibly personable and find a way into the crevices. Even if I joined Ahri and Evelynn's group before yours, I still think I'd be your friend."

"If that happened we might not have made this music class."

I shake my head, "You'd probably had come to me either way."

I nod, "Well I am not going to complain," if it is you.

Lowering his gaze back to me, asking with a narrowed gaze, "About?"

I shake my head, "Just said what came first into my thoughts, sorry."

I know what I want, and everything that I want right now will only happen when I have finally turned my back on the Kinkou. Even if it hurts to do it, it is what I want. Until then I can't give my everything because it isn't mine to give yet.

So I will do my best, with the music, with my friends, and with what I am feeling right now.

I hope you can understand when you figure it out yourself, I can't keep my mouth shut for long anyway.