Your Dark Stars - Highschool K/DA x Male Reader

041 - Shout it out loud

Max was freaking out over the phone, it was like a full hour before he came back with my sister with a small cut on her arm and face. She shoots me a massive smile as I lift myself with a frown, "What the fuck are you doing?"

She then lifts her hands, "I didn't pick a fight, honest. I just gave someone I owe a lot a helping hand," she gestures to someone who was making herself smaller, and she steps into the room.

"H-hey, (Y/N)."

"Akali?"

She gives me a nod as my sister talks to Max, "Matty, can I talk to you in my room?" he nods as she leads him with her to her room.

I glance back at Akali who isn't making any eye contact with me, "What happened?" I shake my head, stopping her before she speaks, "Nevermind that. Do you want something to drink?"

"I... no thanks."

"Sit down at least," I gesture to the couch as she drops down right next to me, "Are you okay?"

She nods, "Just my face is a little bit sore and will have light bruising. Got in a fight with the people you accused of breaking your guitar."

"And my sister?"

"Happened to stumble on me going into a fight," she says with her head between her shoulders, "I needed to do something... after all I-"

"Am the reason that all this happened?" she nods, "Don't do something as stupid as blaming yourself for what someone else did."

"I could have stopped it."

"Could you really?" I ask her, "You can't control-"

"They were my friends," she raises her voice, "I expected from the people I knew for so long to never ever take it that far. To not lie to me in my face, (Y/N). How can you say that I couldn't do anything when I could have just listened to you and stopped this long before it happened."

"At the expense of losing everything you love?"

She then slowly turns with her eyes searching mine, "I... I was willing to sacrifice that if it meant not ever letting something like this happen," she then sighs, "You know there are only so many things-"

"That's why I will never blame you," I state, "Nobody wants to lose everything when they already know what nothing feels like."

"It still ended up hurting you," then gesturing to the room they disappeared into, "I even dragged your sister into it-"

"That stepped in at her own volition."

"You don't get it, do you!?" she rubs her face in frustration, "Why won't you just agree with me? Why won't you just listen? It isn't helping that you say I am not to blame when I know that is bullshit!"

She then lifts her legs to her chest, digging her face between her knees as she sobs, "I could have... I know I could have been better. Like they always tell me to be..."

I reach over, hesitating before resting my hand on her shoulder, "Why are you beating yourself up?"

"I..."

"Will you blame yourself when the Kinkou kicks my sister to the streets? Will you blame yourself every time when someone falls when you think you could have picked up slack for their sake? You shouldn't have such expectations for yourself... because then everyone will expect the world of you, and would never want to give anything in return."

She slowly lifts her gaze, tears in her eyes, "I hate it. I hate all of this so much. I could-"

I scoot closer, grabbing her by the shoulder as I pull her towards me. She slides closer as she rests her face on my chest, I can feel her tears stain my shirt as she quietly sobs. Holding her with one arm to my chest as I keep my other one free.

"They did it because of me."

She finally says, she takes another deep breath. As if gasping for air through her tears, "Yet you are the only one crying about it," I then shake my head, "You don't want to hear me tell you that you are wrong, do you?"

She shakes her head, "I want the truth," she pulls away lifting her gaze, "Do you blame me? Do you hate me?"

"I don't-"

"Then what is there?" she searches my face, almost desperate for answers, "Why aren't you angry anymore, why are you just sitting here trying to make me feel better when you should be pissed!?"

She is forcing herself to make eye contact, I try to calm her down as she pulls away. Deadset on wanting an answer from me. I finally shake my head as I state. 

"You already have an answer, you just don't want to believe me," her lips quiver, slowly lowering her head as I state, "Akali this-"

She shakes her head as she lifts herself, "I am sorry, I just need..." she shakes her head as she heads straight for the door.

I lift myself instantly trying to follow her, but before I could reach her in time she had already closed the elevator door behind her. I glance down at the stairs, dashing downwards as I slip on the last step and crash with my shoulder against one of the walls.

Using it to push myself further to try and get down before she leaves, I know damn well I won't get a chance to do it but as I reach the lobby both elevators are empty and she was nowhere to be found outside. I drop down on one of the stairs leading to the lobby as I rub my shoulder.

She is blaming herself... she can't understand why I can't blame her. God, she is being stupid...

I sigh as I remind myself... time. Just give it time. If you push now, you might just push her away...

I am then reminded of Evelynn's words.

We push others away because we hope that when we are alone that they will come to find us. That we can have that validation that they do need us... but I can't do it now.