Your Dark Stars - Highschool K/DA x Male Reader

049 - A peek into the real

(This chapter contains suicidal tendencies and thoughts. It might be realistic or not, read at your own discretion.)

Some days are slower, others are faster. Not really going anywhere fast I am just waiting for everything to happen as they come. It has been almost two months since I've moved and I think it has recently gotten better.

Akali and Kai'Sa have become better friends and the groups have kind of merged into one with Ahri and Evelynn. Michelle has been even more of a pain in the ass but I guess you can't help that.

"Have you packed?" my sister asks me.

"We are only leaving on Monday, it's Saturday."

"Pack at least," she rolls her eyes at me, "I am heading out to stretch muscles I didn't even think I had - want me to bring Akali along?"

"She is still grounded," I chuckle as I glance at her over the chair, "But sure. If you can get her to somehow come over. Think the Kinkou must have adopted you at this point."

"Haven't told me to stay there, I would probably not survive."

"I can't imagine seeing you disciplining your mouth for longer than an hour."

She smiles widely, proud of herself, "Right!? Chances are I'd be in a worse place than Akali if I was born into it," she then lets her smile disappear, "Kind of reminds me of back home."

"You think about them?" I ask her.

She nods, "You don't?"

"It's not my home. Not anymore."

"It is still ours," she states, "Where we were born, where our family is at. Even if they don't like us, even if we don't like them. Spare some thoughts for them as they are suffering a world without the two of us."

I chuckle, "You say that, but they probably forgot about us."

She lifts her shoulders, "Either or, my dear brother," then as she turns around, "Illiya is looking for both of us."

"Sounds like a bad thing."

She nods, "But I can't turn her down, after all... she'll be coming through by the time you are back from your trip. Don't expect anything nice."

"After all?" I stop her, "What happened?"

"Can't tell you. Don't want you to be angry at me."

"I promise I won't."

"Liar," she winks at me, "I am going to head our right now, if Matty comes home just let him know there is food in the freezer. Seeing as he wanted to cook tonight."

"Two people that can't cook in my house," I sigh, "Just let me do it."

"He says he can make a mean pasta."

"I hope for both your sakes," I roll my eyes at her as she then leaves, "Try to have fun."

*** Ahri POV ***

Sick to my stomach. The room's silence is driving me up the wall, the water dripping from the faucet. I stare at the face looking right back at me, a blood-red face with watery eyes. I let out a long sigh as I stare down at the sink.

What now? What the fuck do I do now?

I look at the pills, pills that were supposed to 'help'. Pills that have nothing to do with my so-called condition. You can't cure this feeling... otherwise it would have been gone back then, back when you diagnosed the problem.

It can't go away... otherwise I would have been fine by now.

Reaching for the bottle, I open the cap as I stare down at probably dozens of pills. A full bottle. Tilting the bottle, and dropping a single pill into my hand. Then pouring even more as it starts to boil over, gripping them in my hand I toss the bottle behind me.

"The only way this would ever help is by killing me," I slowly open my hand as I let it just fall to the ground.

Crossing my arms against the sink, I slowly lower my head on top of my arms as I start to sniffle. Why? Why is the only thing that I know for sure will stop this... stop me from feeling this hollow feeling is just to stop feeling at all?

Lifting my head, the tears drip down my cheek into the sink, I don't look up as my hand feels for something. A sharp edge across my thumb, grabbing it I moved it towards my neck. The end of my hair hanging over my face tickled the back of my hand.

Pressing the sharp against my throat my arm freezes, shaking as I just try do anything with it. 

"Why? Why do you want to die but you can't even fucking kill yourself!" I yell at the top of my lungs, tossing it aside I rub the tears from my eyes.

Lifting my gaze to see my own pitiful set... and that sets something off inside me. Clenching my fist I slam the mirror with my fist, red trickles down the broken glass and down my fist, starting through the cracks I lock eyes with myself.

"I hate you... I hate you more than anything I have ever hated. Why? Why when they are all around you... why do you feel lonely? Why when I come into this fucking house... where I am alone..."

I drop down to a crouched position, hiding my face between my arms as I continue to sob.

Why do these walls make me want to disappear? What does it matter? How long till my own fucking family realizes I died? Weeks? Months? 

Through the silence, I hear my phone in the other room.

Just... leave me alone. 

I don't want anyone to see me like this. 

Never.

Not even you.