Mysteries & Royalty

Chapter 12

This chapter contains description of a panic attack and some mentions of suicide, so please be careful reading everyone

Sorry about the repost, correcting something

"What is it?" Nora asked Fredrik, "You don't come by often, I assume it's important."

"You shouldn't be having random guys carry you to your dorm, especially while pretending to be hurt" Fredrik replied, beginning to boil some water

"Avoiding questions much?"

"Cheating on your fiance much?"

He got her there. She glanced to the side, holding back saying that at least she had one.

"Don't sweat. You guys are good actors, I realized you didn't like each other like that at the dinner. The one with his family." Fredrik said

"Oh, okay." she replied, cautious, "Two questions. First, why did you come to visit? No birthdays are around now, and I know you didn't just come to scold me on my flirting habits."

Fredrik did not look at his sister. He stayed silent. Nora moved to the second question.

"When during that dinner did you figure it out?" she asked

"When their parents brought up kids. Ivan choked too. It was hard not to laugh when you two were looking for words to say" Fredrik replied, making Nora stifle a laugh

"Is the first answer really that bad?" she asked

"Let's wait for the tea, Nora"

Nora went into the pantry and retrieved tea bags. Fredrik poured the water and she put the bags in. They brought their tea to the table. Fredrik took a few sips before beginning.

"I want to find mom." he said "I wanted to know if you wanted to meet her."

"Why would you want to do that? Why did you make it seem so bad?" Nora asked

"I'm going to see if she knows anything about dad's suicide." he responded

"Fred, you have to stop assuming he killed himself, we don't know that!" Nora exclaimed

"Nora-" Fredrik tried

"We won't know what happened, that's okay. It's not worth a wild goose chase," Nora continued

"Nora." Fredrik said, a little harsher

"Dad loved us, I don't believe he'd kill himself! It doesn't make sense why he would go through the trouble of getting poison, and emplanting it, and-"

"Nora!" Fredrik said "He killed himself! That's what happened! They found his fucking suicide note for god's sake!"

Nora flinched back. She had to take a moment to process that. She always felt that their dad would never. He cared about them too much. He did. It's impossible. They must've planted the note. Fredrik was apologizing for yelling, reassuring her. She couldn't hear him over the mental screaming she was hearing. It was too much.

Nora shoved her head into her hands with more force than necessary. She felt like she couldn't breathe. She couldn't. Fredrik was calling her name, telling her to breathe, but it was so strangely far. She couldn't hear. She didn't know where she was. She couldn't remember who she was. It was just her dad there. So close yet so far. Too far. She felt like she was about to die.

Something enveloped her with warmth. She couldn't tell what. Nora began to gasp for air. It wasn't entering her lungs. It was as if it didn't exist. Her head was pulled up. It was bright. Too bright. She couldn't take that. Her hands were wet. Another thing she couldn't comprehend.

In the back of her head, she heard faint counting. It was slow, comprehensible. Nora grabbed and held onto it. Slowly, her lungs opened and air filled them. Her eyes opened, tears being wiped away. In front of her sat Fredrik, counting from 1 to 10 slowly.

"You okay now?" he asked softly

"Yeah"

The reply was weak and sniffly, but even just hearing it calmed Fredrik.

"Have you been taking your meds?" Fredrik asked

Nora shook her head no.

"I should've made sure before dumping all that on you. I'm sorry." Fredrik said

"It's okay" she replied quietly, "Thanks for the help"

"Do you get them often again? I assume you haven't been taking the prescription for a while, for how intense that was." Fredrik said, slowly, articulating for her to comprehend better

"No. Only once every month or so. Something will send me over the edge." She said

"How long has it been since you took them?"

Nora thought for a minute, Fredrik giving her time "Four and a half months."

Fredrik frowned "You have to take them. The attacks are just gonna get worse."

"I can handle them"

"Nora, please, start taking them. I don't want you suffering like this."

"I'm fine"

"You're the only person I have left, Nora. What if something happens during one? I can't lose you too."

"They won't kill me directly"

"That should not be the line."

Nora sighed and hugged her brother tightly. The next words sounded more exhausted than she planned.

"I'll take them for you." Nora told him

Fredrik sighed in relief. Nora buried her face in his shoulder and he picked her up.

"How about we turn in early?" Fredrik asked

"It's only 7:35" Nora replied, referencing the clock

"You're stressed and exhausted, you need to rest"

"Okay"

Fredrik put her in her bed, pulling the sheets up for her. Nora held the sheets close, a sudden cold overtaking her. Fredrik said goodnight and was about to leave, but Nora stopped him.

"Hey Fred?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for being the best brother ever"

Fredrik smiled softly. Nora knew he cared about her deeply. He had been there through every panic attack he could since her diagnosis of a panic disorder at 12 years old. He helped her get used to taking the medication. He was always there to talk to as well.

If he wasn't the best, Nora didn't know who was.

"Thanks, Nora" he said, leaning on the doorway "But you're 100% telling me about Czeslaw tomorrow morning"

"You've ruined the moment! Go sleep!" Nora semi-shouted to him, but he laughed it off

Nora could practically hear his smirk, but ignored it. She'd deal with him later. For now, she let blissful sleep take her away. Letting it numb the effects of the attack. Letting it make her forget about her father for a bit.

Deep down, she knew, the sleep would never be long enough.

In that thought, she understood her father better than she ever had before.