The 1975

Chapter Seventy-Seven || Acception

*Matty's POV*

Date: November 27th

Location: Somewhere between Texas and Tennessee

"Matty" Hann called as he banged on the door.

"Hush!" I groaned.

"Matty your mum keeps calling us and -" he said then stopped. "Its Thanksgiving Matty, you should call her"

My heart started to race and I got up and swung the door open. "Don't."

He signed. "You know how she gets about holidays mate"

"Stop" I said through my teeth. "Please"

He nodded then handed me a water bottle. "Wash up you smell like you look"

"And how's that?" I mumbled.

"Shit" Ross smiled from across the bus.

"Nice one" I said rolling my eyes then shut the room door.

When I fell back on the bed my head hit the empty bottle of wine I slept with. I've been doing that lately, sleeping with bottles of wine, sounds odd doesn't it but I just pass out after the bottle finishes so I get to actually get rid of them. Bruno told me that when she was here she did practically the same thing till they stopped her, or till she just stopped sleeping in all. She would drink and cry and then pass out and eventually she stopped passing out but kept crying and it was my fault.

I couldn't even say her name. They would say her name when they thought I weren't around and I would flinch in response. When she was here and they would argue with her and scream her name it took so much in me to not scream her name too. When she would scream I just wanted her to shut up, I didn't want to hear her voice and most of all I didn't want to hear her cry. When James argued with her I went off on him and made him apologize because honestly nobody is allowed to fight with her but me.

It hurt to see her so hurt and broken and when when she left I couldn't breathe. I sound like her don't I? I couldn't fucking breath because she has finally given up on me. I didn't expect her too I expected her to keep fighting for the shitty person that I am but she stopped and I couldn't fucking breathe. When I overheard Jamie call Terrance I got so mad because I knew he would convince her to leave and he did and she was gone. I couldn't find it in me to ask her to stay because what she said was right.

I was treating her like such shit but in my fucked up mind I was justified. She kissed George, my best fucking friend in the whole wide world and the person who I fucking love more than I love this fucking band kissed each other and I didn't know how to handle it. I was also at fault also but I can't control what I do when I'm drunk and kissing that girl was wrong but it made the fan so happy and all I want is to make people happy and I failed miserably because my happiness hated me.

"Matty" Jamie called pulled me out of thought. "Were going for lunch"

"Coming" I mumbled then stepped out the bathroom and headed straight for my room without speaking to him. I resented him so much for calling Terrance, if he hadn't she would still be here and I would still be able to look at her.

While I was slipping on my jeans I looked at my phone and reached for it. I unlocked it then called the one person I've hated more than myself. "What the fuck do you want?" Terrance barked as he picked up.

"How is she?" I asked with tears in my eyes.

"Excuse me?" Terrance asked.

"Please just tell me" I said, I tried my hardest not to cry, I didn't want him to hear me cry.