The 1975

Chapter Fifty-Seven || Figure my heart out

Date: October 4th

Location: TivoliVredenburg - Utrecht, Netherlands

"I can't breathe" I gasped as we stepped out the double doors leading out the terminal.

"Abigail" Jamie said as he rushed over to me. "What's wrong?"

"She has anxiety" G said. "Why do you think she barely comes out at our shows?"

"What?" Matty asked. "How did I not know?"

"She takes medicine" G said.

"James take her outside" Jamie said.

I was getting major anxiety because outside our airport terminal was one-hundred plus fans waiting for the guys. I don't have severe anxiety, I can handle small crowds and sometimes I can handle large crowd but sometimes it gets so overwhelming especially if my day has been overwhelming and I just can't breathe.

Today was one of those days. I didn't get in from the Eiffel Tower till six am this morning because G and I wanted to watch the sun rise then once we got back we had to pack for our flight so I could rest. Then on our flight there was this kid screaming and it was just driving me insane. Now here was one-hundred plus fans screaming for the guys. It was just too damn much.

"You alright Ab?" James asked me as we stepped outside.

"Yeah" I sighed then drank some water.

"It's a bit too much sometimes but listen you're doing much better then most people do" He said as he rubbed my back.

"I'm just tired" I sighed. "Of all of it"

He nodded. "Only two more months left"

"Then what?" I snorted. "Another album then another world tour"

"Comes with the territory" he said then shut up because the guys came out with Jamie.

"You alright love?" G asked me.

I half smiled. "Yeah, I'm fine"

"Come here" Matty said then wrapped his arms around me. "I'm sorry"

I smiled then kissed his jawline. "Shut up, I'm okay"

I was about to kiss him when some fans rushed over, since they're technically the main priority I went with James to hail a cab. I didn't mind, I had forever with him whereas most of his fans would kill for even a second with him. I also didn't mind because those fans looked scary as hell!

After getting the cab and loading our bags in we left. The Netherlands is such an odd country, it's weird to describe it but it's just a weird place. Not in a bad way, Utrecht is a gorgeous city literally breath taking but the city is nothing like I've seen before. It was gloomy on this day so it kinda reminded me of a ghost time with hints of elegance in it. If that makes any sense.

"You wanna sleep?" Matty asked as he closed the room door behind him.

I shook my head. "No, I'm just gonna go grab some food"

"Can we talk first?" He asked.

"Sure" I nodded then sat down on the bed as he stood across from me.

"How come you told George about the anxiety and not me?" he asked.

I shrugged. "We were talking last night under the tower and it just came up, it's not a big deal Matty. It's not major anxiety it's just when I get overwhelmed I catch an attack"

He nodded. "Right but I don't understand why you didn't just tell me"

"I didn't think it mattered" I said. "I rarely catch attacks"