Dream SMP Oneshots

Life's a Bit, Batshit😥 -Awesamponk

TW: Suicide, blood, major character death 
Basically some really angsty shit, and if any of you feel like this, please know there is always someone who cares about you <333

Ponk's POV

People change. He used to think that no matter what, the only reason things wouldn't work out was if you didn't give them enough time to. As he got older, he slowly began losing motivation to keep waiting. "People change like the tides of the ocean." He had said. "I would know." he had added, standing over Sam like royalty, like he had power over him. Because he would know.

And truth be told, he did. And he still does. And fuck does it hurt.

Ponk knew what power did to people. He knew so much that it made his head spin in agony and pain, even worse than when he used to have to fight off the egg, worse than when he- well, when he first realised just how much people can change. Ponk never knew much about people, how to handle people. He knew how to make them laugh and heal their injuries, but he never knew how reactive they were. He never knew how much pain they could cause. Ponk had nightmares. All the time, every one so much like the last. Every one causing a stabbing pain behind his eyes and in his neck. Each one poking and teasing at the lack of stability he had left. He had no balance. His mind collapsed in on itself so easily it made others stutter around him. It was almost like Ponk glitched. And that was how he got here.

He was hunched over, sitting with his legs pulled up to his chest and arms wrapped around the, head laying on his knees. His eyes dug into the joints. His whole body shuddered as he felt the cold obsidian of a portal at his back. His knees were damp with salty tears, making his dark skin glisten. He was in a black hoodie, one of Punz's he assumed, and black cargo-like shorts. He had red sneakers and tall white soccer socks with black stripes atop. He didn't have his mask on anymore, he couldn't manage it. It reminded him of how few people really knew him at all, it suffocated him. Even in the nether, with the dust making him cough repeatedly enough to make his core ache with sore familiarity, he felt like he could breathe better without it. His ash-blond curls mopped over his knees as he tried to gasp for air. He was bruised and bothered, yet that was the least of his worries. People change like the tide of the ocean, and he does too.

"What did I do to you, XD? What did I do? There's no-'' he hiccuped and gasped for air, body wracking, "There's no way this happens by chance. What did..why? WHY?!" He wailed, calling to the god who he knew would never respond. Because it wasn't the gods doing, it was his. It had to be his. He just wanted someone to blame, someone to take some of the weight off of his shoulders, someone to spit at him and call him weak because then at least someone was there. Because he had never quite felt so alone. At one point he had been so happy, everyone had seemed so happy. Dream and George dreamed of keeping one another safe, Sapnap following them with Karl by his side as they whispered about making their own country, Antfrost being...Antfrost. Alyssa being alive. And Ponk? Well, he'd been in love with a man who looked at him like he was the sun and he was stuck revolving around him.

So when did everything go so wrong? Karl was forgetting everyone he loved, Dream was in jail, Antfrost lost a life and just wanted love, George was stuck asleep with a merciless god, and he was alone with only three out of four limbs. Once a group of eight was merely a group of two for him- and he had let Ant down. One thing the old group all had in common? They were scared. God, they were all so scared. When did everything get so violent? Well, that's so simple to Ponk. The moment people got scared. Fear was powerful, it made people regret things they shouldn't, and it made people do things they would later regret. To him, everything that happened in this server was motivated by either fear or loyalty. And loyalty was a mess. He knew so much about people's body's and how they worked, he knew how muscles and joints connected, he knew the smallest creak when someone just woke up and what it meant. And yet, he never could understand the mind. The mind is different from the brain. The brain controls your body, it controls your joints and bones, your brain is the key part of your machine. The mind however, the mind is you. The mind is your personality, your deepest fears, your biggest joys, your mind holds the key to everything you wish to keep hidden. And if someone can control your mind, then you can never be the same. The egg didn't control the mind, it controlled the brain. It controlled what you did, how you acted, yet you always felt suffocated and stuck. It was like you were bashing on endless walls that wouldn't crack even after months. The egg manipulated your mind, but it didn't control it. It tried. But for Ponk, he never lost his mind- every waking moment under its controls twisted his backbone in ways that made him know would leave bruises and scars. Dream tries to control your mind, people try- because people know that if they have any sort of control on your mind, they win. The biggest way to control someone's mind is through fear- it's why people got away with so much. Dream only has allies from fear. Tommy followed him because he was scared. Ponk was sitting here now because of fear.