Shadows of the Past

Part 8

(LOKI POV)

Standing in the doorway, you watch Y/N gather her things after everyone has left.  Crossing your arms against your chest, you lean on the frame and wait for her to finish.   When she finally looks up, you say “We need to talk,” and close the door.

She takes a step back, clearly not looking forward to being along with you but this needs to be done. 

“Sit,” you tell her, pointing to one of the chairs.   She sits as instructed and you sit in the chair next to it.

“Loki I-” she starts but you hold your hand up to silence her.

“You said your peace in the Kitchen and the stairwell, now its my turn to talk,” your tone is harsher than you meant it to be but you are tired of this.  You sit back in the chair and run your fingers through your hair, taking a deep breath before starting again.  “Y/N... I know you blame me for everything that is wrong in your life but you need to stop being such a child.”

She just stares at you, eyes wide but she says nothing.

“I need to know I can trust you on this mission tomorrow.  That your feelings about me won’t get in the way,” you make sure she is looking at you while you talk.  “This is important Y/N, we can’t risk this mission failing or someone getting hurt,” you tell her.

She nods, “I know... I talked to Hill on my first day about this.  I told her I wouldn’t let my emotions get the better of me again.”  She pauses for a moment, “Steve and I talked about it too.  That night I had the nightmare here.”

Now its your turn to sit silently.  You remember hearing her pleading loudly for help and screaming that night as you lay in bed.  You had just wanted to wake her up, to let her know she was safe.  But in the end you had made it worse.

“I’m sorry I screamed at you like that,” she said quietly, “Steve told me you just wanted to help.”

You let out a small, almost nervous laugh, “I’m not sure what exactly I thought was going to happen when you woke up and saw me.  I-I assume that it was about me?”

Y/N looks down, playing with her fingers.  “My nightmares are always about you,” she says.

“I’m sorry,” you aren’t sure what else to say to that.

“They aren’t as frequent as they used to be, the nightmares,” she offers as if she is trying to make you feel better. 

“That’s good,” you force a small smile.

After a moment you speak again, “I guess we should probably get back to working on this.  You aren’t the only one who still needs to prove they belong here.” 

(Y/N POV)
You both leave the conference room and head towards the elevators.  You need to stop by your desk to gather a few extra notes and maps before you meet up with Nat & Loki to finalize plans.  He said he was going to talk to Thor for a bit before you needed to meet again.  You walk silently down the hall together.  As you are rounding the corner towards the elevator you run into Sarah who is going the opposite direction. 

She stops dead when she sees the two of you together.  You and Loki are both unaware that neither of you has spoken to her since Monday.

“Hi,” Sarah says hopefully but you both are still silent. 

You walk past her and make your way to the elevator.  You wonder to yourself why Loki had ignored her like that.  The last time you saw them he had told you how in love he was with her.  Now he had barley looked at her. 

The doors close and you both stare straight ahead.  You can tell Loki is lost in thought but it is a short ride to your floor so you don't think its worth asking if he is ok.  You tell yourself he probably wouldn’t tell you anyways what was bothering him anyways, you two were far from friends.  You tell him you will see him and Nat in an hour in the small meeting room you booked.  He nods slightly, still lost in whatever he is thinking about.