Shadows of the Past

Part 39

(THOR POV)
You move quickly to the infirmary to get word on Loki’s condition.  You heard he had woken up just as Bucky pulled up to the tower but he lost consciousness again on the way to the infirmary.  You know your brother, you’ve seen him heal from much worse but still, you would feel better if he was awake and telling you how much you annoyed him again.  You walk into the infirmary and see Y/N sitting in chair in the corner of the waiting room.  She is staring blankly at her hands in her lap and as you get closer to her you realize they are covered in blood. 

“Y/N,” you say quietly bending down in front of her.  She doesn’t look up so you put your hand on her knee, “Y/N, are you ok?”  She slowly looks at you but doesn’t answer your question.  You look at her hands and then back to her face, her eyes are red and not focused on anything. 

“Come with me,” you say as you get up.  She stands and you gesture for her to follow you down the hall into an empty exam room.  You close the door and she stands in the middle of the room, looking at the floor.  You turn on the sink and take her wrist, bringing her hands under the water.  She holds her hands under the warm water and you put your hand on her back lightly.

“He’s going to be fine, Y/N.  He’ll be awake soon.  I know my brother, he’s too stubborn to let someone like Marc get the best of him,” you try to reassure her but she doesn’t seem to hear you. 

She exhales deeply and as the blood begins washing off she starts to cry softly.  “Its my fault,” she mumbles over and over as she starts to scrub her hands harder and faster.  

“No no, stop.  Y/N, this isn’t your fault,” you take her hands to stop her. 

She looks up at you, making real eye contact with you for the first time.  “It’s my fault he got hurt Thor.  I distracted him... he lost focus, the duplicate... he saw me and he lost focus,” she tells you as she starts to cry harder.  

“Y/N, you know you aren’t to blame for this.  You couldn’t have known this would happen,” you tell her.  

She shakes her head, “I just- I love him so much Thor.  What if... what if he’s really hurt because of me?”

You move closer to her and put your arms around her.  It hurts you to see her like this, she normally seems so strong and put together.  You remember how worried she was when Loki had been stabbed, this was so much more traumatic for her.  “Y/N, Loki knows you love him.  And he loves you, he’s told me he would do anything to keep you safe.  Look at me, you aren’t to blame for this, Hydra is and Loki knew the risks the minute he agreed to go on this mission.  Unfortunately, that’s the job we all signed up for.  You know that, you used to be an agent,” you tell her.  

She nods and wipes her eyes.  “I know, I know.  I’m sorry... I didn’t mean to-” she says.

“There’s nothing to be sorry for,” you say, hugging her a bit tighter and when you do she hisses in pain.  You let go of her quickly and she holds her side, wincing. “Y/N, did you get hurt?”

She shrugs, “I didn’t think so, I’m not really sure.”

“Y/N, didn’t you get checked out when you got here?” you try not to sound too worried.

She shakes her head no, “I didn’t want to leave Loki, in case he wakes up. I wanted to be there.”

“We need to get you examined, come with me,” you say opening the door.  She walks with you back to the nurses station. 

(Half an hour later)
You sit in one of the chairs in the waiting room next to Y/N, hoping to hear an update on how Loki is doing.  You look over at her, she hasn’t said a word since she came back from x-ray.  Her ribs aren’t broken but she was thrown hard, it could have been a lot worse.  Bucky walked by while she was being examined, he had been given the all clear and was headed to see Steve and Tony for a debriefing.