Shadows of the Past

Part 60

(LOKI POV)
You quickly move down the stairs and call for Y/N, hoping she will respond. You get her attention and she turns slowly towards you but she doesn’t answer, she just stares at you quietly. As you get closer your heart nearly stops when you see how empty and lifeless her eyes are.

Looking at the deadness in her expression, you still can't fully admit to yourself that she is no longer the woman you fell so deeply in love with. She stands before you now a triggered super soldier who has been instructed to kill you. You pause on the landing in front of her, unable to move any further, watching as she pulls a dagger from her belt and begins to rush towards you. 

You recognize the dagger immediately and you are aware that it's a set of two, meaning you need to watch for the second one as well. Those daggers had always been Y/N's favorites when the two of you trained, you had planned on getting her an identical set for her birthday.

When she gets close, she tries to slash at you with the dagger but you catch her wrist with one hand. She reaches out to hit you with her free hand but you block her and try to hold her still.

"Y/N, love, please listen to me," you try one more time to get through to her. "I won't fight you, you know I would never hurt you. I need you to remember me, please," you plead but her face remains unchanged, her eyes void of any emotion.

She pulls herself free from your grasp and takes a few steps back, watching you intensely. She flips her dagger, catching it easily like you had shown her, before she throws it at you. You bring up your hand quickly and use your magic to deflect it away from you, sending it into the wall behind you. Finally you see an emotion in her eyes, anger,  as she grits her teeth and pulls the second dagger from her belt.

She is momentarily distracted by the sound of a door opening on the floor below you and you take the opportunity to put more distance between the two of you.

"Y/N?" Bucky asks as he makes his way quickly up the stairs towards you.

"Barnes wait," you call to him. "Y/N's been triggered. We need to wake her-" you try to explain but you are cut off by Y/N rushing towards you again.

She slams your back into the wall and you hear Barnes yell for you but you can't respond as her hand grips your throat. You hadn't realized until now how much stronger the serum had made her, you try to force her off of you but she tightens her grip. You look into her eyes, hoping to see any sign of her there when suddenly you feel a sharp pain in your side. You groan loudly when Y/N pulls the dagger free from your side and you bring one hand up to cover the wound.

Barnes comes up from behind her and she turns her attention to him, you slide down the wall to the ground when she releases you. She slashes at him and he blocks her advance with his metal arm again and again.

"We have to knock her out, it's the quickest way to wake her up," he struggles to tell you as he tries to fend her off without hurting her. Barnes grabs her wrist with his metal hand hard and twists, causing her to drop the dagger but it doesn't stop her. Y/N kicks him hard in the leg and it gives out, as soon as he is on the ground, she is on him. You stand, holding your side tightly as she lands several hard blows to his face and chest. 

"Y/N!" you yell, causing her to stop and turn towards you. She gets off him slowly and you can see he isn't moving, his lips and nose covered in blood. She moves deliberately, pausing to pick up the dagger but never taking her eyes off of you.

She rushes at and you use your magic to send her into the wall, holding her there with her arms pinned. You don't want to hurt her but Barnes is right, you need to do it to wake her up. You stand in front of her and grip her shoulders tightly as she fights to free herself from your hold.

"Y/N, I'm sorry," you say as you lessen your magic's hold on her. Pulling her away from the concrete wall, you slam her back into it quickly, as hard as you dare. Small cracks appear on the wall where her head and back made contact. She closes her eyes for a moment and you hold your breath, hoping it was enough.

When her eyes open, they search for you and you know she still isn't Y/N. Before you can react, she plunges the dagger into your shoulder and you lose your grip on her when she pulls it free. You stagger back and she follows you, dagger still in her hand. Your back hits the railing and you look down over it. Turning back towards her, you decide it might be your only option.

She moves quickly towards you and you stand ground, waiting for her to come to you. One of her hands wraps around your neck tightly as you back presses up against the rail.

"I love you, Y/N," you whisper, not sure if she can hear you wherever her mind is trapped.

She raises her hand and buries the dagger deep into your back, twisting it harshly. Before she can pull out out, you put your arms around her, holding her body against yours, and push backwards as hard as you can on the railing until you hear it give.

(Y/N POV)
You slowly blink your eyes open and try to sit up, your head is pounding and you ears are ringing. You rub your face with your hand and stop when you realize it feels wet and warm. Holding your hand in front of you, you see its covered in blood and your mind suddenly floods with images of what you did to Loki and Bucky.

"No," you say as you try to stand but you lose your balance as the memories overwhelm you.

You get to your knees you see him on the ground close to you, your breath catches in your throat. "Loki?" you call to him as you crawl to him, unable to stand on your shaky legs. Loki is laying on his chest, not facing you and when you reach him, you see the dagger you attacked him with in a small red puddle nearby.

"No no no no no..." you repeat in denial as you carefully turn him onto his back. You get onto your knees and pull his head into your lap carefully. Stroking his check with your bloodied fingers you plead with him, "Loki, please wake up."

You can feel the tears running freely down you check as you shake Loki gently with your other hand. He groans softly and your heart leaps in hope. 

"Mischief," you say his name again and his eyes flutter open for a moment before closing again.

"Y/N," he says, just above a whisper as he tries to open his eyes again but they close quickly.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I tired to stop but I couldn't," you start to apologize.

"Y/N," you hear a voice call from above you, you look up and see Bucky leaning near where the railing has broken. You can feel your guilt threatening to swallow you whole when you look between his cut and bruised face and Loki's unconscious body in your lap.