Shadows of the Past

Part 3

You stand in the hallway waiting for the elevator. When it finally comes, the doors open and standing inside is Steve with someone you recognize but haven't met yet.

"Y/N, there you are! I've been looking all over for you! I heard what happened in the Kitchen this morning," Steve says, stepping out of the elevator.

You barely hear what Steve is saying, your eyes are fixed on the God of Thunder who has followed him. The only time you had ever seen Thor in person, Loki had tricked him and sent him plummeting towards ground inside the glass cell.

"Y/N? Are you ok?", Steve asks, his voice full of concern.

You look up at him and nod slowly. You try not to make eye contact with Thor, you worry he will try to persuade you to give Loki a chance. He had spent so much of his time since the Battle of NY telling to world that his brother wasn't the monster everyone thought he was.

"I'm late for work," you finally mumble. You notice the elevator is gone so you reach between Thor and Steve to push the call button.

Thor moves to give you space, still not saying anything but Steve doesn't give you an inch. You know he won't either, he's not known for backing away if he thinks something should be said or done. "I hope you know you can talk to me Y/N. We all missed having you around," Steve reminds you, "I even told Thor about the time you and Clint decided pulling a prank on Fury was a good idea."

You don't respond to him, he can tell you are starting to get lost in your thoughts so he puts his hand on your shoulder to try and bring you back. You look up at him and force yourself to focus.

"Y/N, I know we don't know each other but I want you to know that I'm truly sorry for what happened to you. If there is anything I can do..." Thor starts but the elevator dings. As soon as the doors open you walk between them and get in.

The doors close and you are thankful neither of them followed you. You push the button for 15 and then you lean on the wall. Closing your eyes, you slowly start to rub your temples. So much has happened and it is only 10:30 on Monday morning... how will you get through the rest of the day, the week... Can you even keep working here now?

As soon as you found out your release date from rehab you called your supervisor, Maria Hill to give her the good news. You wouldn't be able to be in the field yet but you were dying to be useful again. All you had ever wanted to be was a SHIELD agent, except when you were really young... back then you wanted to train unicorns but how were you supposed to know they weren't real.

Everyone was so excited you were going to be coming back especially Sarah. She came to visit you that night in rehab with a small cake and some flowers. That was also the night she told you that you would need to get your own apartment... In the moment you were so proud of her for being promoted and getting to live in the tower with the Avengers. She helped you look for a place you could afford by yourself which you appreciated.

Suddenly you are pulled from your thoughts by the gently shake as the elevator stops and dings to announce your arrival at the 15th floor. The door opens and as you step out you can feel every set of eyes in the control room on you. It dawns on you that if Steve and Thor had heard your outburst in the Kitchen this morning, other people probably did too. You keep your head down to avoid making direct eye contact with any of the other analysist as you make your way to the office in the rear of the room. Thankfully, you know very few of them by name so it is easy enough to not acknowledge them as you hurry past.

You stand in front of the tall metal door and knock, waiting for the voice on the other side to tell you to come in. When you open the door you see Hill sitting behind a large desk with several screens on it. She looks up at you tells you to close the door.... you know that is almost never a good sign. "Y/N..." she starts as you sit in the chair on the other side of her desk, "I heard you had a bit of a... we'll call it a rough morning."

"You could say that," you respond, playing with zipper on your jacket. "I'm really sorry I'm late, I promise it won't happen again. I just- I'm not really ok right now I guess. I had heard Loki was part of the Avengers now as a way of making up for the things he did in the past but I wasn't expecting to see him so soon... and not with Sarah."

You've known Hill almost 3 years now, she trained you and Sarah when you were still just recruits. When you became agents she was always the person you went to when you wanted extra combat training, were curious about which knives were better for throwing or how to get on Fury's good side (which wasn't always easy - especially after your failed prank attempts). She was the kind of person who would be your friend when you needed one but she also knew when you needed the truth and tough love. Hill never shied away from being honest, sometimes brutally if necessary.

"Look Y/N... no one is going to try and tell you that you shouldn't feel the way you do about Loki. Everyone knows what he did to you but you also know that it wasn't his doing. SHIELD found proof that he had been under the influence of the mind stone when he attacked us," she told you, her tone let you know there was no need for you to respond. "As unbelieve as you might think this is, he's actually not that bad once you get to know him. He's even proven himself on more than a few missions since he joined the Team."

You nodded, you had heard all of this before. You had been following any and every piece of information you could about Loki and the Avengers while you were out of work. News stories would break in the middle of tv shows you were barely paying attention to. Every channel would report about the Avengers latest victory. It seemed that Loki was on almost every mission lately, you had guessed it was because SHIELD found the god more useful in the field than in a prison. You weren't always sure where you thought he belonged.

"This won't be an issue will it Y/N?" she asks you.

When you shake your head no she continues, "Good, because part of your new job as an analysist is to have the Avengers' backs. I need to know that your personal feelings won't compromise anyone's safety."

You shake your head again, "I would never want anyone to get hurt because of me."

"Good, now that that is settled... these are for you," she motions to a 10″ tall stack of folders. "There are reports of a Hydra base somewhere in Bulgaria. We are trying to narrow down the search area and find out any information about it that we can. Get on it."

You thank her, picking up the pile of paperwork and pictures, you head off to find your desk. The next few hours are exactly what you needed. Reading report after report, comparing maps and pictures. Your mind is focused only on your work. You become so engrossed you loose track of time until you hear a weird growl and realize it came from you. You look at the clock on your laptop and notice it is almost 3PM. You get up from your desk, letting the person next to you know you are going to lunch in case anyone comes looking for you.

You take the elevator up to the 10th floor after running out to pick up a sandwich from the small deli across the street. As you wander down the hall you're glad you ended up eating so late. Hopefully that will mean no one else will be in the Kitchen and you won't have to relive this morning so soon. Putting your earbuds in, you open a streaming app on your phone so you can catch up on some TV while you eat.

You finish your lunch without being interrupted, thankfully, and start to clean up. You throw out your trash and then head to the sink to wash your hands. You stand over the sink, looking at the drying rack and you see it... that stupid purple mug. Without even thinking you pick it up and chuck the offending piece of ceramic on the tile floor as hard as you can.

"You know... when I do that back home, I usually yell 'Another!'" a voice comes from behind you. You turn around to see Thor standing on the other side of the Kitchen.