Save Me (Completed)

37

Craving

His gaze darted on my face. My tears are falling continuously because of of what he said. His face remained stoic this time ignoring the pain that was registered on my face.

"So don't act like you care for me because you threw everything we have five years ago!" He heaved a deep sigh. "That time when you were admitted in the hospital, I felt it. I felt that you're slowly walking away from me, you're detaching yourself from me. I know I made a mistake that time, I wasn't there when you were-" He trailed off. "Fuck! I can't even say it!"

Napahilamos na sya sa kanyang mukha. "I should have been there! I should have left the office right away! I should have been with you."

I looked away and wiped the tears that were freely flowing in my face. Ayoko ng maaalala ang pangyayaring yun sa buhay ko. That particular scenerio kept playing on my mind like I was reliving it when I was in the process of healing. Every second of my life felt like a torture with those memories. Pati ang memories ng childhood ko kung san nagsimula ang lahat.

"What hurts me the most was I can't even hold you, I needed to distance myself from you because of your situation. Being close to you means you'll get hurt. I endured those times when I'm loosing my sanity because I wanted to touch you, hold you, hug you and kiss you so bad. I can't even get close to you while others can."

Yes, he can't hold me, he can't get close to my proximity while Zeke can. I understand because he is my relative but to think that he's a man too, that's a freakin slap to Ace face. I saw how pain registered on his face when he saw how Zeke touched and hold me. I didn't flinched because of our contact while I almost screamed out my lungs when Ace tried to hold me. Fear enveloped my whole being because of Ace presence during that time.

"I came to a point of being so fucking done with everything."

"Yes I left you but it doesn't mean that you will throw away your life just like that!" I yelled at him.

"That's my own way of coping. You left me without saying anything. You left me without giving me reasons. You just left me behind Maziekeen. You closed your fucking life without me in it!"

"I left because I need to heal myself! I need to redeem myself! I felt like my whole being was shattered into million of pieces because of what happened. I was traumatized Ace! My world became darker even more and I am so lost."

"All I ever think was to get healed. Gusto ko ng makawala sa madilim na mundo na kinaroroonan ko. Gusto ko ng maging malaya sa mga masasamang panaginip ko. I wanted to be the best version of my life so that I could be more deserving of you!"

Lumamlam ang mga mata nya ng tingnan nya ako. Mixed emotions were very evident in his brown eyes. Madaming gustong ipahiwatig ang mga matang iyon.

"You promised that you'll stay with me no matter what happens." Mapait syang ngumisi. "But just like a cliche, promises are meant to be broken."

Paulit-ulit din na nagreplay sa utak ko ang sinabi ng kanyang Mom sakin. Na hindi ko deserve si Ace because of my dark past, because I'm mentally unstable and I have suicidal tendencies. I might taint their name because of my issues. Tinanggap ko nalang ang mga sinabi nya because those were factual. With my medical history and evidences, I am mentally unstable.

"Kasama mo ako Maze hanggang maramdaman mong magaling ka na, hanggang maramdaman mong ok ka na. I will never leave your side because no matter what, I love you with all my heart but you chose to break my heart too."

"No matter how I tried to analyze the situation that led you to come up with that decision, I'm still puzzled and kept missing the parts where infact it's not my fault to start with, it's you all along." Pagpapatuloy pa nya.