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The title is complementary to the story but it wasn't unique. I didn't feel curious to dive into the story and moreover, it wasn't creative either. A title should be something that intrigues a reader to know more.
➔ BLURB:
It was just a conversation between the characters, it wasn't clear nor were the proper dialogue tags used. I think the blurb can be improved with some changes. Also, give out a certain type of narrative along with the sneak peek of the story.
➔ COVER:
I liked the cover and it was beautiful. The title was visible and the name of the author was included. But, I do suggest enlarging the title a bit. If these things are done, it can be a really good cover.
➔ FIRST IMPRESSION:
The first chapter had some grammatical errors which need to be corrected. Also, the constant change of POV gets irritating. Please, refrain from doing so. Instead, stick to one POV for a chapter.
The thing that was the way I could guess the personalities of the different characters. But, again there wasn't a cliff hanger or something that would get me hooked to the story.
➔ CHARACTERS AND THEIR CHARACTERIZATION:
The characters aren't original characters. The characterization was good because the unique personalities of the different members were actually quite visible, but I feel we should be given more insight about their emotions and their thoughts should be given more emphasis.
For example, Jennie has a troubled past and you can show her fierce personality but also, let her have time to time breakdowns which would connect the readers to the character.
I too felt that every character wasn't given the space they deserved in the writing style. Like, we have more of Jennie but less of Rose. Also, their respective relationship with their parents could have been used as a plot twist or adding something unique to the story.
➔ CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT:
The character development is present but I feel like it's too rushed or even abrupt. Some of the characters haven't been developed. You need to give equal attention to every character. Also, show slight changes in their thoughts and actions. Let the tension build up and then, show the subtle changes that take place due to their feelings.
➔ EMOTIONAL APPEAL:
When a reader is attached to your character or is immensely hooked to it then it is all due to the emotional appeal of it, but your characters lagged somewhere. You really need to work on this.
You can do this through emotional narratives or a backstory. Emotional aspect is like the soul of the book and it's the factor that keeps a reader going more into the storyline.
➔ WRITING STYLE:
Every writing has a unique writing style which makes them different from the rest. This also sometimes acts as a way to identify that particular writer.
The problem with your writing style was that it didn't strike or interest me but again, it could be because of the type of the book you are writing.
➔ GRAMMAR AND VOCABULARY:
Some grammatical mistakes were spotted in the chapters. You placed wrong punctuation at some places and some typos were also noticed and the tenses were changed abruptly.
I liked the choice of words which were simple, but avoid repeated use of them in a chapter and try to expand the scope of your vocabulary.
➔ SUGGESTIONS:
You can stick to one perspective for a chapter and change it in the next chapter. Avoid use of pictures in the book and try to describe the setting and the surroundings more. The reader should be able to imagine the scenes and give the deserved attention to every character.
➔ OVERALL:
Though the trope is clichè, the story has its own uniqueness. The storyline is good but the execution could have been done in a better way. Also, slowly build up their bondings. It was a good read.
