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I really love your title. If I looked at it while looking for something to read, I would definitely take a look. It had that sense of royalty power, which is what the book is mostly about.
It also fits the book perfectly! Tetsuya’s main goal is to make Daiki the king, hence he is a kingmaker (and it’s the main objective of the book).
◖﹒SYNOPSIS - 12/15
I would stop and read. The synopsis is beautifully crafted in a way that it doesn’t give too much away and leaves you with questions. Like how is Tetsuya supposed to make Daiki king?
What I don’t like is how you ended it. Saying it’s your first book is fine, but I wouldn’t recommend saying to be gentle with criticism. As it’s your first book, you should be open to harsh criticism to help you improve.
In my opinion, when you start writing, the criticism you received should be the hardest. You can keep it though, but be open to harsh criticism as well.
◖﹒CREATIVITY - 10/10
It’s basically a fanfic since it’s based on the Kingmaker, which is a manga/Webtoon/graphic novel (depending on what you want to call it).
Since I haven't read it, I’ll try to judge it as it is. It is quite creative as I haven't seen anything like it.
◖﹒PACING - 9/10
I think you did a wonderful job on pacing. I just would’ve liked for the time before they went to Shoyen to be told in a fewer chapters, but that’s all. Other than that, wonderful job on pacing.
◖﹒ELEMENTS - 14/15
You connected everything wonderfully, but I find one part of it unnecessary (or maybe I just haven’t read enough to find out its meaning) and that’s the part where Tetsuya meets that dancer.
◖﹒CHARACTERS - 13/15
They’re kind of stereotypical, but you made it work for your story. I just think Ogiwara could use some other flaws other than being overly kind.
I loved Tetsuya and Seijuro’s characters, and Daiki’s character was okay, he was well rounded though.
◖﹒GRAMMAR - 10/10
It was good.
◖﹒WRITING STYLE - 12/15
I’m a bit confused by it. No, it’s not like you messed up your POVs or whatever, but your writing in general.
It’s poetic but it’s not at the same time, although I liked it. It was incredibly new for me.
I think you need to work on your tone building a bit too, it remained fairly stat the entire book.
