Written on the Stars

Goodbye for now

(20 weeks preggers!)

*Before you read comment on your thought of the baby's gender because it's going to be revealed in this chapter!!*

I watched as Sakura walked into the crowd, looking back several times at her old friends, then disappearing into the people, leaving us alone to reminisce about our lives with her.

We stood in silence as if we were hoping for her to run back to us, although we all knew it wasn't something to hope for because we knew she made her mind.I felt Felicia tugged at my sleeve.I turned- she stood there, crying as she held on to me for support.Alfred munched on his hamburger, not looking at the crowd that had Sakura in it somewhere.

Once stressed or sad, he'll eat away those feeling with some type of junk food.

I couldn't tell what Gilbert was thinking about- his lips were in a firm line, his eyes watched the distance, and his eyebrows scrunched up as if he was focused.

We all walked to our cars in silence and we got in our separate cars without even a goodbye to one another or hugs, just nothing.I kept my mouth closed the whole ride. The car radio blared with loud music with Gilbert humming along and the windows down, sending the wind at me, blowing my blonde hair. 

Sakura is in the airplane by now, waiting to be brought home to Japan where her home awaits her.I wonder how many years has gone by with that house not having anyone walking in it or having people cook, it's just been alone for so long, wishing for someone to open the front door.

I wasn't a good friend to her and I know that.She'll always give people advice without getting her own help or even getting good friends.I couldn't stop feeling guilty for...something.I don't even know why I'm feeling this.

We made it to our house and we walked inside.We stood in silence for a moment.Me, standing awkwardly and not looking at his face, Gilbert, waiting for me to speak first, yet that never came true. 

"Monica," His voice was raspy, still it soothed me to hear his voice being spoken and to see his concerned eyes watching me, trying to read my emotion like a book; he coughed before he spoke again,"Are you okay?"

"Fine," I mumbled while I walked to the couch and quickly turning on the tv, hoping to lose myself in an odd tv series and forget about the long day.

He turned down the volume before speaking:"You know it alright to be upset?It's normal to feel sad when your friend moves away, so don't try to hide it."

I kept my eyes glued to the bright screen, I could never lie well when I'm making eye contact.I guess it isn't as personal when I do.

"I said I'm fine, Gilbert, no need to be worry.I appreciate it though," I repeated more harshly this time.Gilbert stepped over rather loudly and snatched the remote out of my hands.

I watched him for a minute in stillness as I regained my breath, for it startled me once he took it.He tried to keep for yelling by breathing slowly and swallowing as if he was swallowing his anger down, but I knew it wouldn't stay long.

"Monica, stop having this..."He trailed off, trying to find a correct word," Thing where you don't show when you're upset or sad or anything that has to do with that emotion! If you think we'll find you a coward, we wouldn't. Everyone feels those emotions so just let it be.It's better to talk about it than to hide it inside where it will one-day explode."

I watched him through his speech with a deadpan face like I didn't believe him.Do I actually do this?Do I keep my emotions inside where they get bigger and bigger?Have I just been doing this for so long that I grown used to it like I forgot that I feel that emotion because right once it comes it just vanishes to hide?

"I..."My lips formed a thin line as I tried to think of a response and I didn't dare look at him or the TV."I'm sorry," I whispered.I didn't understand why this rush of sadness hit me, however, it felt like a relief also hit me at the same time.The tears that stayed silent came rushing down my cheek in one motion.Everything collided.

I heard a small gasp for Gilbert once I covered my face with my hands. He rushed over to wrapped his arms around me, squeezing me close and caressing my hair.

"I didn't mean to make you cry," Gilbert told me. 

I shook my head and enveloped my arms around his neck:"No, it's not that, it's just that I never realized this."

He allowed me to calm myself, still I stayed in his arms, waiting until my sobs turned into whimpers.

"I'm going to miss her, she was so nice and reassuring,"I whispered.

"I am going to too, but remember she's reaching her dream of becoming a doctor there and she's home where her family is."

"I know..."I mumbled.

He released me from his arms and I wiped the tears from my cheeks, sniffing.He softly smiled at me as he kissed my cheek.

___

(25 weeks pregnant,)

(Gilbert's Pov)

I watched the baby ultrasound, trying to make out the odd gray blobs. The doctor rubbed the gel more on Monica's stomach that grew each week and couldn't be hidden from the public.We both stared intently at the ultrasound.

"Congratulations, you are having a baby boy!"The doctor sang. 

I screeched out in joy.I'm having a baby boy! A son! A little son to play with!

Monica smiled gleefully and nothing could wipe the smile from my face. I haven't even seen his face nor given him a name and I couldn't kiss his cheeks, but I couldn't wait to meet my little baby boy and finally be able to snuggle him, kiss him, and see our little offspring.

I probably couldn't say 'I love you' enough to him because I can't stop thinking of it and loving him. 

My little son, you may feel me pressed up against your mom's stomach, waiting for you to show that you are there, kicking slightly. I've loved you from the start even since I've seen that plus sigh on the test. You took my breath and my heart after seeing you the first time in the monitor. Seeing my little baby summersault around was the best thing I've even witnessed.

Your sister was beautiful and she'll love to see you some time, but she is being held by someone else. But believe me, she would have loved to have a little brother, following her around, looking up to her, copying her, loving her. She's loved just like you. 

I can't wait to see both of my amazing children but just remember, both of you, that you are always loved.