(2 weeks old)(suicide)
THE LAST CHAPTER!!
The happiness was over.
Just blew away in the winter wind.
It was strangled by sadness.
It ached my heart and smash it against the wall.
The pain.
The pain burned my entire core and left me with a dry empty shell. But I couldn't lose control, I had a baby that was fully dependent on me. I knew I couldn't give what he deserves. I didn't even know what to do when he cries. He would cry non-stop and he didn't have any problems that I could detect.
Most of the time, he'll poop and it would be all over his clothes, so I'll have to clean him at the middle of the night and kiss his clothes away. Other times, he'll refuse to drink from me.
I've been buying all different formals and trying them out, he'll deny once again. I've tried pumping into different types of bottles, refusal.
Even when he was sound asleep, I couldn't get any sleep. I tossed and turned, dreaming of positive things, but, like always, it would be corrupted by nightmares. I felt the darkness caving on me, ready to strike me with agonizing nightmares. I felt like I was always having tears run down my face and I could never have a smile for too long.
I have many missing assignments for my college online. Even time I'll sit down, ready to study, Adrian would scream out for food that he refused every time.
Every day was the same: wake up after just an hour of sleep with dried tears on my cheeks, fighting with Adrian to drink, eating a scoop of cereal then having him cry once more for a diaper change. It was hard to get up in the morning, knowing that my life has lost pleasure and only had the depression eating me alive.
I felt like my mind was losing it, I couldn't stand another cry from him or I'll cry out on agony, ready to end it right there. There was not one day that I didn't think for harming myself in any way.Some days I would just snap a rubber band on my arm and that ended the dark thoughts, other days I'll plan out my suicide by writing a note and buying some rope to carry out the plan. In the end, Adrian would cry when I stood on that chair, holding the rope in my hands and sobbing off the makeup that I sloppy put on to hide my bags under my eyes. I gotten use to feeling pain every time I walked for the cuts that cover my thighs were fresh and felt like they were stretching out every move.
My screams were unheard and fell silent in this world, I wished I couldn't even hear my cried for help. I wished I don't need help, I wished this never happened. I wanted to think of myself as a happy person that never was seen without a smile and wasn't hard to laugh, but I knew that was a big lie.
I deny every tear that rolled down my face, I couldn't believe I ended up like this.
The only relief was a toxic drink called beer that consumed my night and made the pain slowly disintegrated until I was numb with no emotions or feeling, just nothing. Every sip was like poison to my lungs. This deadly drink was Gilbert's killer, would he still be alive now if this never existed?
I felt hot tears rolled down my eyes as I rocked on the rocking chair, holding Adrian. I stared at the star that continued to shine the brightest as it lightened my hell.
I knew that the star was Gilbert.
How could he?
He left me?
Why?
"Why?" I mumbled what's been on my mind for weeks, "Why you leave me?"My voice cracked and I couldn't breath.
YOU ARE READING
Written on the Stars
Fanfic**Sequel to Mistake** After Monika moved across the world to help her sick mother, Gilbert, her boyfriend, became depressed. Life falls apart on both of them as they try to work through the long distance relationship. Obactle after Obactle is throug...
