Written on the Stars

Don't Let me Fall

"Miss?"I heard a voice above me. I looked up from my hands to see a young man standing there. His purple eyes sparkled in the sun, his cheeks puffed out like a child's, and his smile was so warm and welcoming. I looked around to see that I was sitting in the outskirts of the woods right next to someone's house. I felt so embarrassed and stupid to be crying in someone backyard.

Two kids were behind him and they stared at me like I was an animal. The man turned around to them and spoke in a foreign language and the kids skittered off into the woods.

He turned back at me and his eyes showed his concern,"Are you alright, Miss?"He asked in a heavy Finnish accent.

I attempted to work up the courage to say 'yes', but I needed to tell someone. "No, I'm not," I uttered and looked at my lap, embarrassed for his reaction.

"May I ask what happened?" I could hear him sit next to me on the ground.

"I feel so alone, so sad." I didn't what to tell him anything, I couldn't mutter those words yet.

"But you're not alone, you have the whole world to befriend!" He reassured.

I sniffed and wiped the tears from my face,"But nobody cares to help me or they purposely don't hear my cries."

"I'm here if you want to talk?" He said like it was a question, "I don't know you and you don't know me, but I want to make you get your mind off whatever had gotten you down." He beamed.

I didn't know what to say to this nice stranger.

"I see you're going to be a mother." He said cheerfully.

I placed a hand on my stomach,"Yeah, he's due in a few weeks," It took my mind off of the situation.But, the thoughts and struggles of being a single parent come to me and worried me.

"Does he have a name yet?"

"Yeah, Adrian," I smiled at the name Gilbert and I pick for our son.

"That's cute. I have two sons of my own, let me tell you parenting is amazing! It feels so good to be holding a little baby in your arms and being their role model and knowing that no matter your flaws they will always love you."He looked to the woods where you could hear children laughing and he smiled brightly.

Those words made me nearly cry,"I don't know what to do," My hands covered my face once more,"I can't raise a baby with this depression following me around."

"Honestly, I can't say I know how you feel but I do have compassion. These emotions you are feeling aren't permanent, they aren't glued to you in any way. It wouldn't be gone forever, it will still come back every once in awhile." He looked at me, "You can't go forward without letting go of the present."

I didn't know if I was crying tears of joy that someone has listened to me or sadness because all the events.

This man didn't know why I was sad and never asked, he didn't even know my name. All he cared about was brightening someone's day and I felt like he accomplished that goal.

The depression didn't leave me, but I felt some of its strength disappear.

___

*The next day*

Fortunately, my bridesmaids came over the day the wedding suppose to happen. They brought over all of their makeup and fun dresses that they begged me to put on.

"Try on this on, Monica, it would look so good on you!"Felicia held up a blue dress and held it up to me, "It would compliment your eyes!" She giggled, taking the dress off the hanger. I'm so happy having my friends all trying to take my mind off everything and it was slightly working. Just this morning I was sobbing and the demon was right on top of me, taking hold of my neck and winging out the small dash of hope out of me. But, now I feel that the demon was far away, still bringing small reminders of my lost love to me, but at least people were there to hold me during this time.

"That would like amazing!"Elise agreed and grinned. I walked into the bathroom and struggled to get the dress on without slightly ripping the light blue fabric.

It was light blue and Felicia was right, it made my eyes look bigger and brighter. It was deemed to go down to my mid-leg but because of my large stomach it went to my knees. Luckily, it was loose and wasn't too tight on my stomach and it flowed easily. I stared at myself in the mirror and then walked out to show them.

Of corse, they all cheered and called me beautiful and pretty. They all also wore dresses, they wanted to feel pretty and dress fancy for once.

Eliza's was a long dress that was short in the front and went long. It had a white top that was filled with ivory rhinestones and a white flowy skirt. Elisa's was a pastel pink short dress with a white top that went to her mid-thigh and the skirt had a layer of lace. Felicia's was a white dress, going down to her knees, and had a print of different pastel colored flowers.

"Monica, we are going to get our hair done and get professionals to do our makeup and then get our nails done!"Felicia bursted out in excitement and then getting yelled by Eliza because she ruined their surprise.

I smiled at their thought. I wasn't really into makeup or nails, but sometimes it was fun to be girly for once.Also, I haven't seen my feet for so long and I wanted them to see be pretty.

___

I laughed for the first time in so long. It was because of a story of when Roderich was drunk and fell down he stairs.

It felt so good to laugh, but my depression still lurked around, waiting until I was alone to strike me with agony.

And I was right, right once they left I felt my emotions start eating me and I couldn't help but cry, even after promising myself not to cry so often. I held my hands up to my mouth, trying to mute my sobs. I saw the engagement ring glimmering in the sun and the sobs couldn't be stopped.

I walked into my room, my messy room that was filled with memories of him. Everything felt like a story to the past. Like the boxers that still sat on the floor even after a week, Gilbert's phone that wasn't charged and was starting to collect dust, and in the closet was my wedding dress that hung on a hook. I haven't opened the closet enough to see it, I knew I'll always break down in tears once seeing the reminder that Gilbert would never see it.

I stripped off from my dress and washed off the makeup that was irritating my skin. I put on one of Gilbert's shirt that still held his scent.I felt safe in that shirt, for the warmth of Gilbert's blocked the demon and warmed me.

I opened up the nightstand, looking for some lotion when I saw Gilbert's diary. It stood out with its bright pink cover with purple sparkle words that spelled his name. I remembered when he opened on his last birthday from Francis.

I tried not to let tears fall on the pages as I skimmed through the pages. Most of it was jokes or crude draws until I came across a filled page with paragraphs of words, even dried tears were on the page.

I failed at keeping my tears off the page once I read the first sentence.

Monica, I promise to love you unconditionally (even when you bitch.)

Our wedding vows.

Monica, I never knew that I could love a person this much.

I never knew it existed nor did I never know someone like you existed, for you are so nice and sweet that my heart beats faster everytime you tell me that you love me. I honor every day that I wake up next to you and to see your beautiful face through my day. I remember our first kiss and how it stole my lungs and my heart.Now, we're getting married

and we'll have an amazing son.On this day, I'll give you my heart and you give me yours and we'll walk through this journey hand and hand, And where ever takes us, our hands will always by entwined.

Forever.

I love you, Monica.