Written on the Stars

A Little Angel

This adorable little boy, so tiny, so sweet, left me breathless. His blue eyes stared at me as he drank from me and stretched his little wrinkled arms towards me. I never knew I could love this much after Gilbert died until I touched his smooth warm cheek and kissed his forehead.

It made my heart whole to hold my baby swaddled in a towel and to hear him whimper and to move his little hands under his blanket. Such a gift God gave me. A gift so pure and sublime that I couldn't stop the smile that went from ear to ear. The long agonizing birth was long forgotten once I heard the baby cry out and be placed in my arms.

I felt my senses tune because I knew I must protect this precious gift. I remember when he was just a dream in my heart and now I'm holding him in my arms.

My son.

Adrian.

My heart

My soul

My everything.

My heart fluttered as he wiggled his stubby fingers. I could see his eyes under his long lashes.He nursed harder as I could hear doctors rummage around the room.

My arms felt abandoned once the doctors grabbed Adrian out of my arms to weigh him and check him. I wanted to kiss him a thousand times more and hug him tighter. I watched carefully as the doctors laid him on the scale, he screeched in discomfort.

Fortunately, I didn't have to stare at him for too long, soon after the tests they placed him in my arms. He wore a hat to cover his brown hair and he was firmly wrapped in a blanket.I couldn't see his blue eyes anymore since he was now softly sleeping.

I spoke softly to him as I was allowed to have more alone time for a bit. Sometimes his eyes will attempt to open and I'll get to see his blue eyes, once more, for a second. 

___

(2 hours later)

I munched down on my sandwich, watching the nurses care for Adrian who slept on the crib in the postpartum room.I yearned to sleep, yet I'll feel bad for sleeping during the time that I'm supposed be bonding with my child.

I heard a knock on the door and then I saw Eliza's head peak in, trying to be hidden, even though I saw her and the nurses did too.

"Come in," I said while chewing on some chips. She raced in and squealed once she saw Adrian sleeping on the crib.

"Can I hold him?"She asked and, without an answer, she tenderly picked him up and started making silly faces at him. She walked over to my bed and sat next to me, stilling holding him in her arms.

"He's so cute!" She cried and rocked him despite him already resting. She asked:"How did it go? Any complications?"

"It felt painful," I deadpanned while taking another bite.

"But it's worth it, isn't it?" Eliza cooed, kissing his head. 

"Of course," I smiled at him, "It took awhile to breastfeed but in the end it worked," I told her.

"He's so adorable," She squirmed around in excitement. "How was it changing him the first time?"

"Gross, it looked like tar,"

She laughed even if I was 100% serious, "Don't worry, it isn't always going to be like that." I sipped my drink as I observed her playing with him.

She stopped playing and made notice of the blanket that wrapped around him. "This...this blanket is..." Eliza looked up at me.

I looked away from her face,"It's Gilbert's, it was his baby blanket."

"Yeah, I remember in kindergarten he used to yell at the teachers who tried to touch. One day I took it from him during nap time and hid it, that's how we met." She laughed, but her eyes watered up at the memory. "It's hard to believe I'm holding his baby right now," I keep forgetting their past together that Gilbert use to have a crush on her and then his cousin, Roderich, married her.

"I wish he was here to hold his son," She laid Adrian's face on her shoulder and gently rocked.

I felt a lump in my throat and tears came to my eyes.Elizabeta noticed and offered,"Are you still hungry I'll get you something?" I looked at my empty plate.

"Some water?"I said through the lump.

She smiled and place Adrian in the crib,"Of course," She said before leaving.

I moved my tray and watched out the window. Even through the dense fog, I could see the bright star shining its way through the smoke. I knew it was him. I know he's there watching us and protecting us. I stared at the star, hoping for him to appear.

I realized after pathetic dreaming, he isn't gone at all.

The warm feeling I feel right now is his arms wrapping around me, holding me in his heart. The smile that was on my face was because of Gilbert and Adrian who put it there. He's there for his family.

He'll get to watch Adrian walk for the first time, he'll hear him speak, he'll cry once he goes to school, he'll clap once he has his first play, he'll hug once he's crying for his lost dad, he'll wipe away those tear when he's sad, he'll laugh once he tells a joke, he'll kiss him to sleep every night.

He will always be there for us.