the girl behind the music: beginnings and endings

4.2.5

The next day when I wake up, I make the brave decision to check the comments on P1Harmony's cover video. I scroll through the comments section quickly, just to scan through, to see no negative comments. Instead, it was filled with positive comments and even some praises to me. I couldn't help but break into a smile, seeing how maybe, just maybe, today IS a new day.

I go ahead to take a proper shower, scrubbing away at the dirt underneath my eyes. I exit my room to get ready for breakfast and that's when I see Jae coming out of his room with a suitcase and a bag.

'No. He isn't serious-'

"I'll be going now," Jae announces.

"Where are you going exactly?" I ask.

"Back home with Mom and Dad. I was thinking about it a lot last night and I've decided to go back to live with them," Jae says.

A pout unknowingly forms on my lips.

"Don't look at me like that. If I stay here, the hate's just going to keep coming," Jae says as he walks over to me. "And you shouldn't live in a world full of what I went through," he says, giving me soft pats on my head.

Suddenly, I pulled him into a hug. "I'm going to miss you a lot," I say, trying to not break down again.

"You can always Facetime or Skype me. Don't worry!" Jae comforts trying to sound happy but I know he sounds just as sad as I am.

"I don't want you to go though," I say.

"I have to Soh. It's best for the two of us, as well as for Mom and Dad. You know how long they've been without us, and in this pandemic too," Jae says and I look away.

I can't bear to see him talk to me like that - like an actual sibling instead of a friend. I hug him for a little bit longer before pulling away, ready to finally take care of myself by myself. Jae rolls his suitcase towards the door and waddles out of the gate after he had wore his mask and hat.

"Bye Sohee!" Jae wishes.

"Bye Jae," I wish. "Stay safe!" I say again, trying to sound more cheerful.

"I will Soh! I will!"

With that, Jae closes the door behind him and he's off. I run over to his room and open the door to see his room totally empty. He really wasn't joking. I opened his cupboard to see it empty too. He really wasn't kidding. I sit on his bed for a while taking in the sudden empty feeling in the house - in me.

My eyes trace the outline of his relatively small room before shooting down to the floor. It's like dust has started to collect in his room, even within these few minutes. Slowly, I get up and walk over to my room. Without Jae's game or PC running continuously, it's a lot quieter. It feels empty, gone, missing. My door opens with a creak, reminding me to oil my door hinge later in the day. I drag myself over to my laptop and tap the touchpad. My laptop turns on and despite the low battery, I can still see the notifications coming in at the top right of my screen.

Email
SUNG
hello Sohee, Mr.Sung here. I'm here to remind you to submit your completed contract form by the 20th October (this coming Wednesday). Thank you.

After closing the email tab, my cursor unknowingly moves itself to the pdf version of the contract. This was the reason everything started to fall apart - Jae, Sunwoo - everything. And now that Jae's left and Sunwoo's cut out from my life, it's like nothing but something is holding me back from just submitting the contract.

'Maybe it has to do with some unfinished business,' I think as I scroll up and down the filled up contract.

I ponder over the thought of Sunwoo slightly longer than I should before stopping myself.

'There is no way we can go back to before. Not after that fight,' I think to myself, heaving a sigh.

'Maybe it's just guilt,' I continue pondering and that's when I do what I always do during these times.

Run away.

With that thought, I submit my contract and receive a 'Welcome to FNC Family!' email right after.

'Maybe it'll be a good new start,' I think before slamming my laptop close.