Her Destiny

Epilogue

Makalipas ang 5 taon masaya naman na ako sa buhay ko pero hindi ko parin siya makalimutan....ramdam na ramdam ko paring may kulang.

Pero alam ko sa sarili ko ngayon na tanggap ko na.

I have so many achievements pero iba parin siguro kung kasama ko siya.

I love you my baby.....mommy loves you. Mommy never forget about you, you makes mommy strong.

In the past 5 years so many things happened. Almost 3 years of those 5 years is the darkest and worst days of my life.

My depression and PTSD get worst because it was triggered by the death of my child. I almost died because of self harm. I was lost for almost 3 years, i lost myself and i almost lose everything.

But mama never leave me, she never gave up on me.

She persuade and help me to stand up again. Mama holds my hand in every step of the way.

I took therapy because i can't still talk to mama about it, i can't still talk to mama how i get into that situation. Because talking to mama and telling her about it, makes me feel more disappointment to myself. Also i am not ready to tell her how failure i am.

I don't want mama to think that she failed as a mother because it was me who are responsible for the choices i have made.

But thankfully after so many therapy sessions for almost three years. I finally able to accept what happened and one day i woke up feeling that i'm slowly healing.

I made progress little by little and slowly accepting my destiny.

Ngayon nandito ako sa Pilipinas, i'm ready to be back.

But i hope that our paths are not destiny to meet again.

Pagkadating ko dito sa Pilipinas isa lang ang gusto kong puntahan, ayon ay ang anak ko at ikwento sakaniya na nalagpasan ng mommy niya lahat yon at hanggang ngayon nandito parin ako.

Kaya ngayon nandito ako sa sementeryo kung saan ko ipinalibing ang anak ko. Dinalhan ko siya ng magagandang bulaklak, inilagay ko iyon sa puntod niya.

"Baby i survived, i hope you are proud to mommy my little angel. Mommy is living and enjoying her life baby, but i'm still sorry for losing you. It takes more time and courage to heal baby but i know that you helped mommy to be strong enough and accept everything. Thank you for coming to my life baby. Mommy did not able to hug and kiss you but i want you to know that mommy loves you so so much." Pagkausap ko sa anak ko sa harap ng puntod niya na para bang naririnig niya talaga ako.

Naglakad ako papalayo habang pinupunasan ang luha ko.

Umalis ako sa puntod ng anak ko na magaan ang pakiramdam ko.

" Thank you anak.." Sambit ko ulit sa isip ko.

I remember a lyrics of a song and it says " Thank you for the broken heart and thank you for the permanent scar.
Cause if it wasn't for you i might forget how it feels to let go and how it feels to get a brand start." And i really felt that.

I really learned a lot from my past and i overcome a lot of challenges. Now, the scar from my past will remain but the memories of that scar will just serve as a lesson to me.

Now i finally letting go the disappointments, fear, hates, and guilt.

I am sure that i'm ready to get a brand new start with the brave and stronger version of myself.

We really don't know what we are going to face in every tomorrow of our lives. But the most important is we did everything we can to face the challenges or circumstances that comes to us.

Life is a battle choose to fight than lose without even fighting. Be sure that you give everything you can before giving up, that way you will have no regrets.

And love....love proves me that i can't really change what bound to be my destiny. But somehow my story makes me realized that i am the one responsible on how my destiny going to happen.

This is me Samantha Angelique Vilarde Aragones believes that we are the writer of our own story. I am now singing off with the new version of myself.